One Year
Family Portrait taken Sept 2007
Now, let's do some bullet points, m-kay?
- This year I gained oh, let's just say 10 pounds.
- I hope I can misplace that 10 pounds this year.
- I have been to the library more times in the past year than I ever visited it the 10 years I lived here before.
- I saw one of my college classmates today at an estate sale, and I didn't say, "Hi".
- I'm not sure if he saw me.
- I wanted to kick myself afterwards.
- But, he's the only person in the world that I've ever told to F-OFF!
- I later apologized.
- He was a really annoying college kid.
- He didn't bother me after I yelled at him.
- I think I scared him.
- I didn't want to scare him again.
- I still feel bad about that day.
- I also saw an old co-worker in a store and I did say hello to her.
- I never yelled at her.
- Funny thing, she remembered my name and I still can't recall hers.
- I'm a social dummy.
- I have the house to myself right now.
- My boys are at Rechelle's house.
-She did NOT want them to come over.
- I sent them anyway.
- Because I love her that much.
- I had a really gross dream last night.
- It involved me squeezing a zit on my cheek.
- Stop now if you don't like to read gross stuff. SERIOUSLY!
- The brown puss looked like a worm all liquidy and thick and brown.
- I flushed it down the toilet with some turds that were in there.
- Then I looked at my face.
- I had an outlet in my face where I had popped the zit.
- I was just about to plug something into the outlet when I woke up.
- I didn't go back to sleep.
- I don't know if I'll go to sleep ever again.
- I haven't had any corn syrup all week.
- Taking a cue from Barbara Kingslover in Animal, Vegetable, Miracle, I made homemade pizza last night.
- Clay asked why we don't eat everything made from scratch because it taste so much better.
- Because, my kitchen is still a mess and it wouldn't be if we had brought home take-out.
- I bought Kefir this week because of you dear readers and Babs Kingsolver.
- Uh, let me just say, yuck.
- Levi is the only one that likes it.
- Levi likes pretty much everything.
- I'm going on a run now.
- HAHAHAHAHAHA!
- I meant to say, I'm going on a walk now.
- I'll run a little...until my fat arse starts bouncing back and forth off the road.
- Then I'll stop and regain my composure.
- And make sure there isn't anyone around that can see me.
- Because, at some point I'll need to pull my underwear out of my crack.
- Then I'll come home and eat something...without corn syrup in it.
24 comments:
Amazing what happens to one's self while alone in your house without kids. What reflections you have shared. LOL!
You are one funny lady! I love you and Rechelle, I wish you were both my neighbors! Wanna move to Indiana?
You may not have eaten any corn syrup but you sure drank some extra strong coffee, didn't you? Are you cheering yet?:o)Lorie
Umm, the kefir sounds as if it might be the cause of your nightmare. Gross.
By the way, that's a cute family portait. -Lorie
That post was so nutty, I have a feeling you slipped and had some corn starch, didn't you?! It's messing with your noodle!
Speaking of gross dreams, now that you shared yours I have to return the favor. Mine involved thousands of roaches falling from a ceiling and snakes, lots of em, and I had on a big t-shirt, no undies and almost got bitten by a rattler. It was terrifying.
Well, I'm glad you moved back to Kansas too, 'cause I grew up in Lawrence and really, really want to go back, and now I can live vicariously through you!
Sounds like symptoms of Corn Syrup withdrawl, or TMTOYHWKG...Too Much Time On Your Hands With Kids Gone.
Love the shadow picture! :)
R u sure you HAVE'NT been eating cornsyrup????......Mabey you need some???
Mabey you should'nt spend too much time in a house by yourself???
In fact mabey you should ensure you have someone with you at all times??
You are damn funny though!
Kefir is gross.
Prepackaged foods add to landfills with all the waste. Made from scratch makes the kitchen look like a landfill.
But isn't that why we had kids so they can clean up that mess?
I never know whether to say hi to people when I see them. I figure they probably won't remember me and probably don't want to talk to me if they do. Otherwise they'd say hi first, right? I always feel like an idiot later.
It sounds like you are having corn syrup withdrawals! I hope I don't start having weird dreams like that.
This week I've discovered that English muffins and the cheap "wheat" bread my kids like both have corn syrup. So do almost all crackers. I hunted and hunted and finally found five kinds of crackers with no corn syrup. They're kinda nasty. And expensive. I need a good recipe for corn syrup free crackers that are also tasty. I've decided there are some things corn syrup is okay in, like ice cream, syrup (don't like the real stuff), candy, and Miracle Whip. It's all those unexpected places you find it that bother me. I'm choosing salad dressing more carefully, making my own spaghetti sauce, and staying away hot dogs, sausage, chips, and cold cereal.
BTW, is "modified corn starch" some kind of sneaky code for corn syrup? I need to look this up.
I love, love, love Barbara Kingsolver. Such a good writer.
My current fascination is with Pollan. Michael Pollan. He's my James Bond.
I sent for Core Rhythms so I can misplace the 50 or so I need to lose. I saw it on an infomercial. I'll let you know how that goes.
Perhaps that old college classmate was a little relieved that you didn't say hi to him?? ;-)
Did you get plain kefir? Cause that stuff is nasty! You gotta get the flavored kind. I like the Lifeway brand best - strawberry-banana, peach, raspberry, blueberry, and pomegranate
Your dream means this: you have some very negative emotion that you have been suppressing and really feel the need to express this emotion or you may "pop". You are looking for an "outlet" for your emotion(s). You may be supressing the emotion for fear of looking bad or disturbing someone else but feel if you could say something you could rid yourself of the bad feeling for good. (the flushing toilet)
Maybe?
LOL! I read this today at work (when I really shouldn't be reading your blog - because people think I have slipped a cog when I laugh out loud), and HAD to come back and comment.
Can't say as though the dream really was anything to talk about... not sure what that means... I think I will go with consensus.... corn syrup withdrawal... definitely. What else COULD it be? (for sure there is no truth to the rumor that you're a little crazy...huh?) did I say that?
Okay, I am kidding. But really... And then flushing it with some turds? Good grief! laughing still!
You are funny!!!
I think I will go and watch you cheer some more.
LOL, I needed a laugh this morning. Thank you!
It's wonderful to read about life in the country, life as far away from Los Angeles as it can be, yet find similiarities, like kids, corn syrup and turds! Love to visit.
LOL. Well, I just came here from Rechelle's and it looks like the kids are having an awesome time....and getting veeery dirty.
Quick....no one's home....now's the time to eat something with corn syrup in it! Ack. That's probably why I need to lose so many pounds.
April, April, April...
Well I hope you wash your hand before you eat and after you pull your underwear out of your crack. You are crazy.
Ummmm....sounds like HFCS withdrawls to me. Cute post tho. I can remember when my kids were little and would go to Grandma's house for a week.....I would wander around lost, lost, lost.....didn't know what to do. Well not anymore.......one is out of the house, on his own and the other is a teen. I savor the moments to myself these days....=)
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