Monday, September 22, 2008

Crap on a Stick

I finally fixed my old laptop. Actually, I just went to a cute little computer fixing store that was filled with very cute-geeky-computer dudes and said, "Um, this is my computer and I think I need a new cord thingy." Then the cute-geeky-computer dude said a lot of words that I didn't understand, I paid him money and left. All I know is three days later they called me to come pick up the cord and now my computer works again.

And that is a problem.

Because, during the three months while this computer was collecting dust on my desk, I used Clay's slick Mac book and fell desperately in love with it. And I also stored all my photos on his computer.

So, when I sat down to post today I realized I don't have photos on my CRAP ON A STICK laptop. And how am I supposed to blog without photos?!!!

Ooooh, I know. A story. I'll tell an old story.

Once upon a time there was a young husband named Clay that had some sort of medical problem that his wife can't recall because it's been too long and her brain became mushy with each baby she pushed into the world.

The wife does remember that Clay came home from the doctor with a little plastic cup that he was supposed to fill with a sample of his poop and take it to a lab to be, to be, I don't know, smelled? Analyzed? Who knows. But he needed a sample.

Clay and his wife stared at the cup and wondered what was the best and cleanest solution to get poop into that small cup.

The wife, thanking GOD, this was not her problem and not wanting to participate in the final decision plaintively asked, "So, how are YOU going to do this?"

And that is when her husband coined this ever loving family memory;

"Well, I was thinking I would go get a stick...."

And that, my friends is why we call so many things is our lives CRAP ON A STICK.

'That house looks like CRAPONASTICK.'
'This tastes like CRAPONASTICK.'

My computer is CRAPONASTICK!!

the end.


This post brought to you by citizens that talk about bodily fluids and functions-April Showers Treasurer

23 comments:

Accidental housewife said...

You would have thought they would have given him a popcycle stick. Then it could have been a crap on a stick popcycle. Or if he would of had to freeze it, it would have been freeze dried crap on a stick. Yeah I could go on for ever but I won't.

Hope4Grace said...

OMG just snorted a piece of Quaker rice snack right up into my nose after reading that, ouch.....lol

I'm thinking you just switch laptops with him

Living on the Spit said...

I am laughing so hard I can find nothing else to say....craponastick!!!! Blah, ha, ha, ha, ha...you don't need photos girl...you are good all by yourself!!

DesertHen said...

Just sucked up my cereral and choked.......that is just too darn funny!!! Ha ha ha ha.....he he he....ho ho ho...ha ha he he.....craponastick.....love it!

Pamelotta said...

I just read that story aloud to my husband and he claims that he's been saying "crap on a stick" for years.

I told him that he did not invent that phrase. It's not that hard to come up with "crap on a stick". Lots of people have done it, I'm sure.

He also claims to be the first to do the moonwalk in this part of Texas.

[eyes rolling]

Far Side of Fifty said...

Great story April! Sounds normal to me..now how are you going to talk Clay out of his laptop..??

carol ~ i throw like a girl said...

April, You should have threatened Clay with that story unless he traded laptops with you. I hope you have more dirt on him to use as leverage. :)

Crunchy Chicken said...

What??? They didn't give him a "shit kit"? My husband gets the dubious honor of doing these far more than he likes to (last weekend for example).

The shit kit comes with gloves, a popsicle stick, the specimen cup and, what I call, an ass hat (for collection).

Clay was robbed.

lucy said...

Thank you for NOT illustrating that story with a photo!

Sharon said...

Did the stick work? Did it mixed up with the corndogs?

You need to sell yourself more and get a mac. Love my macs! Love them!!

Woolysheep said...

You don't need pictures. I am now holding my head and crying "ACCKK! MY MIND'S EYE, MY MIND'S EYE!"

And a specimen cup? The only time such a sample was required of me they used a smear card. How much did they need?

They didn't tell you they only needed > < this much and the rest is free fertilizer for the landscaping.

Sally-Ann said...

Wasn't going to join in on this conversation, but can't stop myself! My brother would always say, he didn't use the word crap, but you get the idea. "They think they are crap on a stick when they are really only a fart." So, there ya go, a little bit of useless information from Florida

Alicia said...

Oh my, Clay must be loving you for sharing that story! I don't think I'll share this one with my husband. He leaves the computer when I try to show him pasty hiney pictures!

Southern Gal said...

My hubby had to do that earlier this year before giving his kidney to his mom! They gave him a popsicle stick & some slides to wipe it on..... I remember asking him if he was going to poop in a bowl and rub it with the stick, etc. etc. & he came up with the genius idea of pooping in the toilet & just using the stick before wiping! I know, I know, gross story - but I can see you're one who enjoys & appreciates stories such as this.

Oh! And he had to collect his pee in a giant water bottle for 24 hours too - I told him he was lucky he was a guy, b/c it would be harder for a girl to pee in a water bottle for 24 hours (not continuously of course... you know what I mean :)

Jules said...

My husband has always called it Poop on a Stick. He has been talking about this since forever. If a kid would ask him what's for dinner. His answer was always, "Poop on a Stick". I'm glad we are not the only ones. As far as I know he's never purposely pooped on a stick, though we do go camping a lot. I'll have to think about this some more.

Rhea said...

I feel like crap on a stick tonight. I'm too grouchy to comment any further. I'm done.

Nikki said...

I LOVE that phrase, and now I am going to use it at every opportunity, except not in front of my students. unless it really fits the occasion. which probably will not ever happen.
unless i get really mad. but maybe i better not.

P.S. Eight letters for the word verification? Isn't that like overkill?

P.S.S. Some of these stories are so interesting! Who would have known?

melissa said...

I love it. I will be saying crap on a stick all the time. It just fits.

Anonymous said...

I came to your site from CDW and I love it. I now love the Crap on a stick. So, if you hear people in California using that slogan it started by me from you. HA HA Lisa, CA

Rechelle said...

April - did you seriously just tell a story aboutyour husband sticking a stick in his stickhole?

Jenn said...

LOL ....hahaha ......

Lisa said...

Sally Ann - We must be from the same general area. My dad used to say "He thinks he's hot sh** on a stick, but he ain't nothin' but a cold turd on a toothpick." I remember laughing till I couldn't breathe the first time I heard it and actually got it.

Lorie said...

Steal his! I am about to steal my hubbys!