Wednesday, December 31, 2008

The Country Architect

Clay is an architect. When he leaves for work he wears beautifully pressed dress slacks and a crisp pinpoint collar shirt with a snazzy silk tie positioned perfectly in a double Windsor knot. He looks like a million bucks.

But, when he comes home, he sheds all that fancy-schmancy stuff and puts on his Country Clay. Ever since we've been doing the Damn Ramsey thing, Clay has insisted that I cut his hair. Mind you, that this is the same man that used to pay $60 on a haircut in a fine salon.....much to my annoyance.

Now, that I'm living with a man that doesn't want to spend once red cent on ANYTHING, he thinks I am the best haircut in town. A few days ago the weather was beautiful and Clay was taking a vacation day, so we headed out to the porch for a haircut and Clay made the profound statement, "Now, this is country living. Getting a haircut on the porch with three cats rubbing against my leg and a rooster tucked under a chair."

I don't think any of Clay's clients or employees would believe he gets his haircut on a porch with a rooster and three cats.

Or that he wears jeans with holes in both knees and has a dog he named Preacher.

He's the Country Bumpkin Architect, just don't tell anyone, okay?

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Isaac Haircut

Haircuttin' the Country Way

My mom went to beautician school way back in the 60's. She would cut my hair, put it up in a bouffaunt which I would prompty go brush out with my fingers and the worst was when she would wash it with vinegar while I screamed, "It smells like pickles!!!"

She wouldn't let me grow my hair long until I was in junior high. Mom always thought I looked best with a short pixie cut and for that reason most people thought I was a boy. I'm sure it had nothing to do with the fact that I wore Billy the Kid jeans and cowboy boots and my favorite toy was a shotgun accompanied by a holster with two six shooters. I wanted to be a cowboy, dang-it.

Mom also wouldn't let me do any sort of chemical process to my hair. So, while my sister was highlighting and perming her hair I had to sit back and watch with envy as she transform her hair into something new and trendy. Then the summer before my sophomore year in high school I made an appointment in the trendiest local beauty salon and asked for a perm. It didn't fry my hair or turn it green like Mom feared. But, it did make my hair even whiter and frizzy like a poodle. That's when boys started calling me April the Albino, it was that white. So, I stayed away from perms for a few years.

Mom had kept all her supplies, including one of those huge dryers you sit under, we always had rollers, clips, drapes, razors and scissors. It wasn't weird that I would cut my bangs and most of the time they looked okay. Then I started cutting other people's hair. There were several boys that were friends of mine that would come out, sit on a stool out in our sunroom and I would cut their hair in weird patterns. My friend, Brian, wanted a zigzag cut into the back of his hair, so I did a zigzag and then older folks kept asking him if he was the youngster that had been in the car accident earlier in the year and had to have brain surgery. I never said I was good at cutting hair, it was just something I did, and for some reason a few people trusted me enough to work on their heads and then walk around in public.

Now, I have my own hair salon. It's in a nice breezy place. I don't have many customers and the few I do have, never leave with a smile on their face.

They come in my swanky salon, sit in my chair and give me cautious looks.

Sometimes they comment that at least the view is good. I never know if that's a compliment or not. Then I throw a torn plastic drape over them.

They bolster their courage and put on a brave display.
I like to help them relax by asking a lot of questions.

How was your Christmas?

Did you get some fun new toys?

Did you get any candy in your stocking?

How's your folks?

I heard your mom is a really nice lady. Tell her I said, "Hi" and come back again real soon.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Merry Christmas 2008

We have warmth! After I finished posting my complaint about the heater-fixer guys not showing up the phone rang and they were on their way. Obviously, they read my blog. Because, yes, I am the world's most famous blogger and HVAC people especially love me. Also, they left me a present in the basement. It's a pile of fuel soaked rags. Merry Christmas to ME! I'm scared to touch them.

Our main source of heat comes from fuel oil, which is very rare in this part of the country. It seems our fuel tank froze and so their won't be any fuel coming through the line until it thaws. Good thing we have a heat pump for back up, so the guys rewired our heat pump and it's heating the house just fine. Hooray!

Yesterday, I spent the morning yelling at my children to help me clean up the house. I swear they think I'm speaking a foreign language. Here's a perfect example...

Me- Seth, I want you to go down and put the clothes that are in the washer into the dryer.

Seth- Where?

My daughter is so preoccupied by her social agenda that it's hard to get her to focus on anything inside our home for more that a few seconds. And of course the two little boys are so excited for Christmas that they can't think straight.

By the time Clay came home in the afternoon I was ready to bash some skulls. Thankfully, we had plans to get out of the house and have some fun as a family. Although, I did have a moment where I stood in my room having a mommy melt down and wanted Clay to take all the kids so I could have the opportunity to carry on a perfectly coherent conversation with myself. I mean, if I told myself to wash the dishes that were in the sink by hand, I think I would understand that that DOES NOT mean shove them all on top of each other in the dishwasher. Wouldn't I? Yes, I would because I tested it today. You know what? Those dished got washed .....with MY HANDS! I understood every word I said. I'm a very good listener and I think I explain things quite well and I'm very easy to get along with as long as PEOPLE DO EXACTLY AS I SAY!! I got along with myself splendidly today. I am my new best friend.


Our biggest gift to the kids this year was a trip to Crown Center in Kansas City to go ice skating. We also took them to Kaleidescope and then to The Cheese Cake Factory for some yummy dessert. It was a very fun day. Oh, and Levi had so much fun he peed his pants. So, I ran into the Gap and bought him a new pair on sale for $16, not bad. I might pee my pants next time so I can get some new clothes. That kid's no dummy.

The kids want to make the ice skating/Cheese Factory an annual tradition and I hope we can. The lights were beautiful and the weather was grand. We didn't tell them we were doing anything until the day before, so they were surprised.

We bought all the kids three small gifts each and some stocking stuffers. I think it's just the right amount.

This year I've tried to make gifts that people can use or will appreciate. I've enjoyed not rushing from store to store to find the right 'thing' for everyone. Next year I need to get an earlier start because these last couple weeks have been nutty and that's the reason my house was such a disaster.....and it's not easy getting people to help me when I don't speak their language. Yes, I will now be calling my children, the four foreigners in my house.

From Coal Creek Farm, I wish you a very Merry Christmas. The Four Foreigners are waving their hands and making a lot of noise, whatever that means...... dumb foreigners.

Monday, December 22, 2008

Still no heat

Okay, heater guy, what's up? Where the heck are you? It's almost 5pm and so far he's a no show. Looks like we'll be going another night without heat. Fun, good times.

It's 49 degrees in our house, but we're staying warm. My two youngest children are far more durable than my older two. I have the double ovens turned on with the doors open to keep the kitchen warm and several times I've found Ellen draped INSIDE the oven. I'm serious. Seth, my oldest son, was walking around with a t-shirt, sweat pants and BARE FOOTED! Then he would come in the kitchen whining and shivering. I really wanted to smack him upside the head forty-nine times and then pinch him. My two oldest children have no brains what-so-ever!!!

Right now, I'm hiding in my two little boys' room. I brought the space heater with me, set my coffee down and within two minutes my coffee was cold and my fingers were numb, so I moved the space heater right next to me and the warm air is blowing over my hands making typing on the computer much easier. Hey! A woman needs to blog!

Today we made some ornaments out of clay....uh no not my Clay, the wet earthy stuff and we also tye died several things. Maybe, I'll show you pictures but it's not likely because I'm lazy, sluggish, slothish and just down right not wanting to put much effort into anything right now.

Also, I have to finish sewing a few things before Christmas and that means sitting at the dining room table with my sewing machine and it's just too cold in there right now. I have to say I would not make a very good pioneer. No, I wouldn't.

A couple funny things.

I got a card from one of Clay's aunts and it read, "Please send me pictures of the children. I did not much care for the silly pictures you sent with your card last year." Do you know this makes me want to send her an entire photo album full of bad photos? But I won't.

Do any of you cry when you hear this song? I remember the first time I heard it a couple years ago, I bawled like a baby. It came on the radio a couple days ago while I was driving home alone and I was thinking how stupid and cheesy I was to have cried over that silly song. You know what? By the last chorus, I was blubbering so hard I could barely see through my sea of tears. Dang it. I can't help it, I am a cheese ball and a real sucker for sappy songs.

Okay, now I really have to go muster up the courage to duck down in my frigid basement to change a load of laundry. When I say duck, I'm not kidding. I hit my head on the duct work down there last week so hard I thought I'd broke my neck. How many more times is it going to take for me to learn how shallow the basement is? I'm thinking a few more.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Baby, it's cold....inside.

Today when we were driving home from church the temperature on the bank sign read 5 degrees.
I remarked how icky cold it was and we drove on home in our toasty warm van.

And then.....

When we got home I gracefully skidded, shimmied, slid, skated, tip toed and arabesques across our icy concrete patio toward our back door and I could hear the high screech of the fire alarms.

Holy ear drum ripping Batman! What's going on in the farmhouse?!

No, the house wasn't on fire.

I don't know what the heckle happened, but the fire alarms were blaring and the house was cold because our furnace wasn't running or hopping or skipping or dancing. It also appears that our electricity had gone off at some point.

So, Clay tried to fix the furnace blah, blah, blah, cold house, blah, blah blah, had to call the heating fixer guy, blah, blah, blah, can't fix it.

What? Can't fix it?!

April does not like to be cold. April is already in hibernating mode, being cold is only going to cause her to dig deeper into the pile of covers on her bed and not reappear until... April. April has all of the sudden started writing this post in third person. April is a big goon.

Okay, moving on with this chilling story.

Thank God and Jesus oh, why not, let's thank Mary and Holy St. Joseph while were at it that we do have electricity. I propped open our ovens and cranked up the heat and stood in front of the open oven doors. Then I made coffee and went up to my room where I turned on the portable heater and snuggled under my blankets with my four year old, who by the way, is the toastiest little marshmallow ever.

Then the phone rang.

It was Virginia, my octogenarian neighbor, calling to see if we were doing okay. Yes, I assured her we were fine and I told her our heat was out, but we had a space heater and were staying warm enough.

Shouldn't I have been calling to check on her? Isn't that what the news people always say to do when it's too cold or too hot? Call and check on your elderly neighbors. Those news people don't know Virginia. Virginia would make those news people look like nimrods. Virginia makes me look like a nimrod. I am a nimrod.

Virginia told me they had their wood furnace cranked up and had been using a little space heater in their bathroom, but when she got the electric bill it was seventy whole dollars and she decided she shouldn't use the space heater as much.

Seventy whole dollars!

Just when I think I'm being frugal and so very careful with our resources, ,my elderly neighbor proves to me otherwise. Did I tell you that Virginia was hanging out her laundry the other day when is was freezing cold? FREEZING COLD! She told me she was freeze drying. FREEZE DRYING!! That woman makes me feel like a slug.

And that's my story for today. I sure wish we had one of them there corn stoves or better yet Clay did mention the stove that you can shove an entire elephant into and heat your house for a whole year.


Thursday, December 18, 2008

Jesus, Mary, Joseph and a dozen eggs.

Wanna make a nativity scene that your four year old can play with and you won't care if he breaks Joseph's head or rips the angel's wings or loses Baby Jesus?

I got just the thing. And you might have all the supplies, depending on if you're a crafty person and you eat a lot of eggs. Because you're gonna need lots of protein to get this craft done. Just kiddin'.

The Nativity. Beautiful. We made it in the span of an hour. Best thing? I don't care if it gets destroyed and my two little boys helped make it.

I used one section from the bottom of an egg carton for the body and hot glued a wooden bead for the head. Hot glue is my best friend, we've been together for a long time, she never fails me.

Then we got out scraps of fabric that one of my girlfriends begged me to throw away, but I knew I would need them for something.

Uh, hey Melanie Carter....look I'm using that little bag of fabric you told me to get rid of FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT'S HOLY! Nah-nah-nah to YOU and your throwing away perfectly useful bits of fabric!! And also, I messed up the whole bin of fabric that you organized for me. But, I lovingly thought of you the whole time I was dumping that fabric all over my living room floor and I miss you.

This is what inspired me to do the entire nativity. I teach first grade children's church once a month. We were telling the story of the angel Gabriel visiting Mary and I thought the kids would enjoy a craft. So, I looked around my house and found bits of trash and made an angel.

Wings made from a heart of paper. Sometimes I think I have a heart of paper.

Shepherd with a toothpick staff. Good for poking a sheep and picking hunks of meat from his teeth.....if he had teeth.....or a mouth.

Jesus, Mary and Joseph! Have you all read Angela's Ashes? Something about that book has stuck in my head for years and years. Every time I see the Nativity I want to blurt in a Irish accent Jeeezuz Murray and Joseph! But, I don't. At least not in public.

The manger needed some stabilizing. Har har, get it? Stabel-izing? Oh, you people! Remember when you thought I was funny? Anyway, I used this old dirty button to ensure Baby Jesus wouldn't roll out of his manger.

So, you wanna be a wise guy, huh? Did you know that the Wise Men brought the Christ child sparkly orbs? Yes, they did. Did you know the Wise Men had no eyes? No, they didn't. Did you know you could hide an egg under the Wise Men? Yes, you can.

Ta-dah! All done.

And now the crew is safely crammed in the stable.

Monday, December 15, 2008

I like Ike

I like this little guy.
Most people find it hard not to like him.
I like Ike.
He's almost seven years old.
I sure wish he'd stay little forever.

Me-Hey, Ike what do you wanna be when you grow up?
Ike-An archikect
Me- Like Daddy?
Ike- Yeah. I wanna go to work with Dad. And then I'll be a scientist and a Vet.
Me- You mean a veterinarian.
Ike-Yeah. Can I be a farmer too?
Me- I think so. Are you going to get married?
Me- Who are you going to marry?
Ike- Moooooooom.
Me- What? Is that embarrassing?
Ike- Moooooooooom.
Me- How many kids do you want to have?
Ike- Ummmm, four. Two boys and two girlsus.
Me- What are you going to name them.
Ike- Um. I dunno. I'm not a very good namer.
Me- You could name one of the girls after me.
Ike- Name her Mom?

So, my granddaughter's name will be Mom, because that's my name. Why does he have to grow up so fast?

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Renovation Therapy

Do you all know Martha Jean? Wait. I always want to call her that because my mom's name is Martha Jo. What I meant to say is, do you all know Jean Martha? She's the whimsy gal over at Renovation Therapy. Jean shops more than any human I've ever known. She's constantly buying things on Craigslist, tag sales, The Salvation Army and outlet stores and then turning those things into something wonderful to put in her upstate New York home. In fact I am the proud owner of a Grey Gardens t-shirt and keyring that were products of one of Jean's shopping sprees.

I love that Jean Martha.

Go enter her contest she's giving away a tote bag and a paper marbling kit.

Friday, December 12, 2008

Ugly Betty Big Bangs' Chocolate Dipped Pretzels

I've invited Ugly Betty Bangs to host this post for you. Betty gets her hair cut about twice a year and since she's broke she goes to a school that teaches young people how to cut hair.

This last time she had a very cute 18 year old cut her hair. Only the 18 year old was pretty new to cutting hair. Betty must not have communicated that she didn't want very many bangs because the young hair cutter used all the hair on top of Betty's head as bangs and before Betty knew it she had a huge mass of bangs and didn't quite know what to do except ask the 18 year old for a brow wax.

Betty had never had a brow wax before. Betty doesn't know why she thought this would be a good time to get a brow wax other than it might make her bangs look better. Betty has sensitive skin. The brow wax made Betty look like she was wearing neon pink eyeshadow for an entire day. Betty had to run a bunch of errands after she got her Bad Betty Bangs and Permanent Neon Pink Eyeshadow. Lots of people saw Betty with her glowing pink eyeshadow and Betty's young sons said they didn't like that pink stuff on Betty's eyes. Betty won't be getting her hair cut for a long, long, long time. Betty will be buying some barrettes.

Betty wants you to know her haircut cost $10 and the brow wax was$5 and she tipped the cute 18yo $10. Betty thinks that was a bargain for the amount of humbleness and humility she will be sporting for the next several months. Also, Betty has a Spanish accent.

Tanks so much fer dees Abril. Jou know I don got much to be tankful fer right now, specially dees hair, oh me. Let's make us some preeezels.

Okay, so first Betty bought a big tub of pretzel rods at the Aldi store. Broke Betty Big Bangs loves the Aldi store. One bad thing about these, they have high fructose corn syrup in them and remember when Big Broke Betty Bouncy Bangs said no more HFCS?

Ay, jou say....jou gotta do what jou gotta do, jou know?

Using a double boiler Betty put water in the bottom pan. In the top pan she dumped half a bag of milk chocolate chips and half a bag of dark chocolate chips. After the chips melted she took them off the heat.

Betty's husband was the one that suggested they use the pastry brush to paint on the chocolate because spooning it on made it too thick and runny. Note the can of comet in the background used the scrub the cat pee off the stove. Yummy.

This is Big Butt Betty Bouncy Bang's husband . And that is a 12 googly eyed angel guarding their kitchen. Betty always feels like someone is watching her. Kinda creepy those 12 eyed angels. They have nothing to do with chocolate covered pretzels or the state of Betty's bangs.

Poor Ugly Betty Big Bangs. She's not having a very good week. Did you know she's wearing her husband's jeans? She is a complete fashion and hair disaster. At least she's not wearing that gray sweater again and again and yes, again!

Betty's family wanted to do some white chocolate too. They learned that the white chocolate cools much quicker and should stay on very low heat to keep it liquid enough to paint on the pretzels. The white chocolate dries much faster.

Broke Betty Big Bangs used up all her cookie decorating supplies. She also bought some candy canes and pulverized them in the food processor to use on the pretzels.

After the kids painted a pretzel they took them over to the counter to be decorated with sprinkles and glitters and doohickeys.

Then they laid them on some plastic to dry. Broke Betty didn't have any waxed paper, but this worked just fine.Betty's kids were very creative and very chocolaty. Betty let her 4yo lick the spoon. Betty has a bad habit of laying all her wooden spoons on the burners when the burners are burning hot. Betty's not too bright.

Betty used the last bits of chocolate to coat a few candy cane sticks, just because.

If Betty can do this, believe me you can too. Betty is going to be giving these as little gifts. Once they were dry she stored them in a pan. Betty will wrap each pretzel in some cellophane and tie with a ribbon. Because Betty may not have nice hair of fashionable clothes but she does have some creative powers that are beyond the normal human. Meaning she can wrap a pretzel in cellophane and tie a ribbon around it and make it look like A MEEEEELION DOLLARS!

Thanks Betty. Now let's go find a baseball cap, m-kay?

Oh no probleem, jou know, how jou say, Meddy Cheeestmas! An tanks so much!

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Urine dipped April

We did a little fancy-schmancy-froo-froo-dilly-wap of a hoop-dee-do project last night. I'll try to show you the whole process later gater.

Today's question is; April, why are there two burners missing from your cooktop?

Answer: Because my cat peed on them.

I swear I am drenched in urine everyday. Every single DAY!

I turned on the burner to heat up some water to boil and was accosted by that awful ammonia smell that is known solely as CAT URINE! After the flesh on my face had melted and my nostrils sucked themselves down into my gut to hide I quickly dismantled the stove and washed everything in sight.

You see, I have a cat. Her name is Dixie. She has urinary tract problems if she eats the wrong foods. She's been eating the dog's food for about a week because I kept forgetting to get her 'special' food for her.

Dixie doesn't like to be ignored.

Dixie is no dummy.

She peed on the stove.


So, how does that make you feel? Better about yourself?

This is my job people, I aim to make you look better. Just wait until I tell you about my Ugly Betty hair do and my first ever brow wax from hell. You will look in the mirror with a heart of thankfulness and everyone around you will look so lovely.... unless I'm in the room with my Ugly Betty do and freaky eyebrows.

Okay, now if you'll excuse me I need to go sit in some urine and then maybe I'll get to writing that post about pretzels dipped in urine.... oh no.... that's not right. I mean pretzels dipped in chocolate urine.

Just kiddin', come on.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Christmas Ideas

Time to get started on some of those gifts for all the 'extra' people in your life. I'm talking about the people that make your life easier. Like teachers.

Do you know what happens when your kids go from grade school to middle school? I mean besides oozing hormonal juices all over your nerves. Well, something about the oozing hormones means they need a billion more teachers to help teach them learn how to keep the oozing in their heads.

So what are we going to do for the billions of teacher this year?


Yes, I said jars.

Jars of food to be more specific.

I'm certain most of you have seen the cookie mix in a jar. Right? Let's do some of those and then a few others. Okay?

Hey! There's my letter D key! Oh, D, I miss you under my finger. How's life on the window sill?

Back to jar food.

The two jars up there are filled with Andes Creme de Menthe Chunk Cookie mix. Goodness they are sooooo good, I made them last year and my family couldn't stop eating them. I use the recipe on the back of the package. These jars are waiting to be adorned.

Here's what you do. Take the flour, baking powder and baking soda, mix together and pour on a piece of paper. Fold the paper in half and use it to funnel the mixture in the jar. Next is the brown sugar, then the sugar. Top it off with the chips. Using a spoon smoosh down the sides of the chips allowing room to pour in more chips.

Ta-dah!! That's it.

Okay, not really.

Now you need to write out the recipe with the remaining ingredients which in most mixes will be vanilla, eggs and butter. Follow the baking instruction on the back of the bag. Put it on a little tag, tie with a ribbon or stick some cute fabric on the top and then you are done.

You can bake a batch of the cookies and give the jar with a few cookies on top and wrap with a bow.

One thing you should know.......never put the brown sugar on the bottom because it's too hard to get out of the jar.

There are a ton of jar ideas on the Internet. TONS! I know, because I'm a food jar expert and also I've been googling jar recipes, jar gifts, cookie mix in a jar and jar jar can you do the jar jar.

If I had the extra moolah I would collect the antique blue mason jars throughout the year and put the cookie mix in those because I WOULD LOVE TO GET ONE OF THOSE!!!! Just sayin'.

Here's a couple more mixes I'll be using this year.

Ginger Spice Muffin Mix
1 3/4 cups all purpose flour
2 tablespoons sugar
2 tablespoons brown sugar
3 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg
1/4 teaspoon ground ginger
1/4 teaspoon ground cloves

Combine all the ingredients in a medium bowl. Pour out mixture onto wax paper, use to funnel into a pint size jar.

Include this recipe with the mix;
1 package Ginger Spice Muffin Mix
1/4 cup butter melted
1 egg
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 Cup milk

Preheat over to 400 degrees. Grease 12 muffin tins. In a large bowl combine all ingredients in order given. Stir until blended, do not over mix. The batter will be lumpy. Fill muffin tins. Bake for 15 minutes.

How about a drink with those muffins?

Cappuccino Mix
1 Cup powdered instant nondairy creamer
1 Cup chocolate drink mix
3/4 Cup instant coffee
1/2 Cup sugar
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg

Combine all ingredients in a bowl and package in a canister or jar. Include these instructions;

Use 2 tablespoons of cappuccino mix with 6 ounces of boiling water.

I'm also hoping to make a huge batch of my chicken and rice soup to put in the jars and include a loaf of homemade bread with it. I think some of the teachers would love to have a dinner to take home after a long day of teaching.

That's it for now. Remember, be creative. Surf that wonderful web and look at some of the mix ideas. Most of the people I know love getting food gifts. Some of you probably have better ideas than these, so please share them in the comments. I would love to hear what you give your teachers without spending a ton of money.

Winner Winner Salad Spinner!

And the winner of the Financial Peace Deluxe Envelope System is......


Happy Birthday!! I let my two little boys draw a number between 1 and 92 and they picked YOU! And it's your birthday!

Please contact me at with your mailing address.

And for the rest of you I really do wish I had 91 more to give away. If you have $10 they are on sale here.

Stick around this won't be the last time I give away this little darling of an envelope system.

Monday, December 08, 2008

Dave Ramsey Envelope System Giveaway!!!

***Times UP Kiddos***
I'll announce the winner sometime tomorrow.

Last night was our last Damn Ramsey class. Every Sunday night for the last 13 weeks we've gone to a class where we watched a DVD of Dave Ramsey talking on a stage in front of an audience. He's very entertaining and I have to say, he's also a very large corn ball. Clay and I made fun of him quite a bit, but he's got a very good way of getting a point across and he's entertaining in a corn ball sort of way.

I would highly recommend taking the class, but if you don't have $100 to spend on a class then go check out his books at the library and get started on you're debt corn ball...oh, wait, that's supposed to be debt snowball.

"But April, it's Christmas! I can't start paying off my debt right now!"


"Because I neeeeeeeed to use my credit card to pay for all those gifts!"

Says who? Jesus?

This is the best time to start. Right now. Stop spending money that you don't have. Be creative with your giving this year. Be honest with those that you love and tell them you are broke and you don't want to be broke anymore. Just say Merry Christmas, I love you, here's some cookies. It's really not that painful. Okay, I know pride is painful. Poke that pride in the pooper!

To help you get started I'm going to give away one of the Financial Peace Deluxe Envelope Systems.

Look, it has slots for DEBIT cards not CREDIT cards.
And here's those lucious, creamy colored envelopes. I know you want them.
Ooooooh, I wish I had this. I love the pen and notepad. I'm forever making lists on scraps of napkins or the back of my hand. How nice would it be to have a little pad built right into my envelope holder? Very nice, very very nice.
Yummy brown leather-ish will carry around all your cash. You know, cash, that paper stuff we used to use before plastic money was created?

"Oh, April! I neeeeeeed it! I want it! I will start using it the second I get it! How do I enter your give away?"

Glad you asked oh desperate one.

Here's what to do:

1. Leave a comment.

That's it. Now let's go over the rules:

1. One entry per household.
2. Giveaway ends December 9th at midnight CST.


If you win this little thing and you become debt free using this, I want you to buy another one and give it to somebody who could use some financial guidance. M-kay?

Saturday, December 06, 2008

Then they run to the bathroom!

And pee all over the seat!

dance lessons

Wednesday, December 03, 2008

Hey Guess What?!

Remember when I showed you the envelope system? And I was all I wish I could give you one but I ain't got one to give and heaven forbid I give away the envelope system on my back, because that would be a little too charitable of me. Well, maybe I got one to give away.

Stay tuned. I think you will be oh so happy with the April.

In other news. We're doing Christmas a bit on the low down this year. And by low down I mean we're not going to be buying much. And by not buying I mean Christmas is a CRAFT!!! Check out the video below, just a little something to think about.

I know I should have started all of this months ago, but I'm April and I perform well under pressure, unless it's Monday or Tuesday or Friday or Wednesday or Sunday or Saturday. Never mind. I'm trying to get my buttomous in gear.

For those of you that are panicking with what to do for teachers, co-workers and all those extended family members I hope I can help you with some quick cute ideas. Especially if you are the type of person that likes to make something that is going to be DONE the same day you start the project. I like projects like that, yes, I like them a lot.

So, stick with me I'm bound to impress and disappoint all in one post.

Right now I'm going to put away all the fall decorations that I've been saying I'd put away for the last five days. Maybe. First I need another cup of coffee and then start some laundry then look out the window then eat something because it's been at least twenty minutes since I've had some nourishment then.....

Tuesday, December 02, 2008

Enter the Story: Advent Conspiracy

How you can be a famous blogger, just like me!

I was going back over some of my old posts because, um, well, because I think I'm pretty special.

eye roll, barf, gag, puke

I want to let you in on a few of my secrets, so you can become a world famous blogger, just like me!

1. Start every other sentence with the word Anyway.

2. Use the word So as often as possible.

3. When in doubt..... use...... just throw in ...... and ..... you will be the bestest writer..... on earth.

4. Never correct any of your grammar or edit a post. Editing is lame and overrated.

5. Possessives are for pansies!

6. Throw in a preposition, interjection or conjunction at the end of a sentence or...... just use ........

7. Never ever ever ever admit that grammar is your favorite subject.

8. Avoid mention that you home school. People will start to worry about your kids's's's's's' brains.

9. Did I mention using the words SO and ANYWAY?

10. Above all .... use these.... these.... will bring you fortune....fame.... and fashionable eye wear......

So, any questions?

Anyway, thought that would help some of you.

Now, get out there and blog dahlings like you've never blogged before or after or in or to.......hehe.

Monday, December 01, 2008

Dead Cow

Remember when I picked up that chicken on the side of the road? Well, it turned our to be a little bantam rooster. The picture I posted is NOT the chicken I picked up. I posted that photo because it's a white chicken I used to have and I couldn't find my camera.

After asking all my kids, "Have you seen my camera?" and having them looking at me like I was doing some African tongue clicking I gave up looking for it. Several days later I found my camera in my oldest son's room during one of my hormone induced rages over how much laundry can one person produce!


He's still alive, but avoiding eye contact with me. But if he ever puts another clean shirt and by clean I mean folded-clean-straight from the dryer shirt into the dirty clothes because he's too lazy to put IT IN A DRAWER....I AM GOING TO RIP ALL THE FLESH FROM HIM AND THEN HOSE HIM DOWN WITH RUBBING ALCOHOL!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ahem, ahem, whew. Getting that upset over laundry. Who knew it was possible?

Anyway, where was I. Oh right. So, no picture of the new little rooster.

I also can't show you a picture of the dead cow. Although I don't actually think I would have posted a picture of a dead cow. Would I? Well. Maybe. I don't know, because I DIDN'T HAVE MY CAMERA!!!!

Ahem, ahem, phew, this post is really quite liberating.

Okay, back to the cow.

The cow died on top of the hay she was eating. Every time I went to my kitchen sink, which is like every five minutes, I looked out my dining room window.....dead cow. I watched as her legs got stiffer and her belly more bloated and, well she was the dead cow out my window for two days.

When the guy came to pick her up my boys were sitting out on the porch eating apples. When the truck started lifting her up in the air I watch my boys eyes get wide and they froze eating their apples in mid bite.

It's not every day that you get to see a dead cow hoisted twenty feet in the air and slung in the back of a dump truck. That's a sight I won't be forgetting any time soon.

I guess I didn't really need my camera to document that event anyway. But, son, I swear if you touch my camera again and if it ends up in the laundry, I am going to............