Monday, October 29, 2007

A Timline Diary

I heard on NPR today that a man had 91 boxes filled to the brim with his diary.  He died today, so his journal finally ended.  For the past twenty years he had been journaling about his life, his daily doings, minute by minute.  Why?  He said it was an obsession.  I would hate to write about what I do all day every day.  But, that's exactly what I'm about to do, just in memory of the old man that left behind 91 boxes of his daily doings.

8:30am- I laid in bed while two little boys bounced around my head pretending they were bombs or some sort of explosive devices.

8:32- I instructed one of the little boys to go get a hair brush and play with my hair thus avoiding getting up. 

8:34- Heard one of the little boys say he would "be right back", luckily when he returned, he announced, "Okay, I have the scissors, now let's cut your hair!"  

8:34.28-  Got out of bed quickly and I put away the nail scissors, two brushes, several hair clips and a mirror.

8:35- 12:00-  Ate, fed, washed, yelled, schooled, spanked, cleaned, wiped, yelled again, wiped again, swept, questioned, punished, questioned, accused, yelled, emailed, called.

12:05- Noticed Clay come in the door for lunch.  I took one look at him and said, "Why, are you wearing that!"  I was pointing disgustingly at the gray t-shirt he was wearing underneath his dress shirt that he had left unbuttoned for the whole world to see.
C- What, the t-shirt?
A- Yes, the t-shirt!
C- I didn't have a white one in my drawer.
A- Is it inside out too?
C- Yeah, it has a big tiger on the front and I didn't want it to show through.
A- So you thought it would be less noticeable if you wore it inside out?
C- Is it really that noticeable?
A- Uhhhhh....duh-her-der-hur-duh-huh.  I'll go get you a WHITE t-shirt.  Good grief!  Do I need to start getting up with you in the mornings to make sure you are dressed properly?
C- Ummm, yeah, that would be nice.
A- (Sigh)

12:15- 2:45- who the freak cares...I don't.

2:45-3:30-  I just know that I was in my van with a lot of kids.

3:30-5:10- Went to Old Navy with  Ike to buy him some decent, no, no, what I meant to say was I decided to set aside an hour to take Isaac aside from his siblings and torture him.  Then we went to Wal-Mart where Ike somehow managed to get his fingers stuck in the back of the automatic sliding door.  Does that make sense?  It's automatic.  He doesn't need to touch it!  His fingers are stuck, the door has shut and locked and I can't find my keys to rescue him.  I dig and dig and finally find them to unlock the door, the whole time I'm wondering how and, by God, WHY the heck he got his fingers in there!

5:10-10:30- Dinner, school meeting, coffee house, home.

10:30-  As Clay and I pull into the drive I ask if he has made an access under the porch for the termite guys to be able to crawl under the porch.

C- No, I was going to do it tonight.
A- Now?
C- Well, yeah.  The guys are coming in the morning, right?
A- Yes.....

10:35- I'm sitting at my desk wondering if I should write a little something...

C- Hey!  I need you to come out here and help me.
A- Wha...?
C- Yeah, I uh, well, I'm having trouble getting those boards off the porch, and um, well, I broke one.  
A- Were you trying to force it?
C- We don't really need to go over the details right now, just get out here and help me.

10:40- We pulled off a bottom board, but couldn't get the skirt off the porch.  We decide to move the stairs in the front of the house and cut the boards under the stairs so you can't see the hole.
C- Okay, stand back. 
A- Your going to kick them down?
C- Yeah.
A- But, then they'll be all broken.  Can't you cut them with your skill saw?
C- It's late, you know how loud the saw is?
A- Soooo-wah!  Who the hell is gonna hear?  Ramone and the cows?!
C-  Well, I don't want to wake him up.
A-  Oh, for crying out loud Ramone probably woke up ten minutes ago when we started arguing about this stupid porch, now GO GET YOUR DUMB SAW AND CUT THESE BOARDS!
C- Oh, April, your so fun.

10:45- Begin to blog about my day......

A- Hey, come you think this is funny?
C- Yes, it's funny, are you going to blog that you asked me that?
A- Uh, yeah, I guess so. haha

11:56- good freakin' night.


Lori Shaffer said...

The gray t-shirt thing CRACKS ME UP!! Funny the extent to which a husband will go to avoid asking his wife if she has laundered any of his white t-shirts...hmmmm.

Rechelle said...

Okay - that's one entry for the bottom of box number 1. Only 90.99 more boxes to go. You better get busy. said...

Why do men use their feet as tools? I love your porch skirt, tell him I'll be way mad if he breaks it.

The Fiance called me from the grocery store yesterday to let me know that his sweatshirt smelled like cat pee. I replied "that's nice" and hung up. I'm at work, what can I do about it!?!? Men are tarded - but so darn cute.

Robbyn said...

LOL...sounds like a normal day with kids!

Michelle said...

Your husband is a genius, turning the shirt inside out so the tiger wouldn't show. I'm impressed. (Good thing it wasn't on backwards!)

Babette said...

Just dropping by to encourage you, April: Things really do get easier! But, I doubt if your life can get any more fun and I love how you enjoy it so!