Thursday, March 06, 2008

Relations

My husband loves to annoy me.  He relishes watching my frustrations mount.  He laughs when I throw myself at him swinging my fists to inflict pain on his body.  


I live with a gigantic pain in the arse.

Here's a conversation that made my head explode.  If I could have picked him up and thrown him through the big picture window I would have, but instead I spent the rest of the day pinching him in the chest as hard as I could when his defenses were down.  Occasionally, he would say, "Ouch that really hurts!"  through his laughter but mostly he says, "Oh, April you are so fun to irritate."  Which makes me even angrier and my pinches much harder.

A- I wish I would have had a brother.

C- Yeah, me too.  Then I'd have a brother-in-law.

A- You do have a brother-in-law.  Mike.

C- No, not really.  Mike is your brother-in-law.  Not mine.

A- What?  How can he be my brother-in-law and not yours?

C- Because, he's married to your sister, not my sister.

A- That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard you say, well at least today.  Mike is your brother-in-law!

C- No, not really.  

A- So your brother's wife isn't my sister-in-law?

C- No, she's my sister-in-law.

A- So my sister's children, are they your nephews?  Or just my nephews?

C- They're my nephews because Rechelle is my sister-in-law and they are her children.

A- Are they the illegitimate children of your sister-in-law, because her husband is not officially your brother-in-law?

C- Now, your just being silly.

A- MIKE IS YOUR BROTHER-IN-LAW!

C- I know you want him to be my brother-in-law, but technically he's only your brother-in-law.

A- Then what do you call him?

C-  Mike.  It's his name.

A- I'm going to kick you.

C- How can you not understand this?  Why are you getting so angry?  It's just the facts.

A- I'm angry because I've wasted my breath and my time having this stupid conversation with you!  Mike.  Is.  Your.  Brother-in-law.  As long as my sister is married to him he is your brother-in-law.  It's too bad that Rechelle won't have a brother-in-law much longer.

C- Why's that?

A- Because tonight when your asleep, I'm going to.....

C- Now, April, are you about to say something you're going to regret?

A- The only thing I regret is the day I said I would mar...

C- No, no, shhhhh, you are about to say something very hateful.

A- Yes, I hate...

C- Oh, come here let's have a hug.

 (this is when he grabs me and smothers my head into his chest so I can't talk or breath).

A- Ah cand breee!

C- What?  I can't hear you.

A- Ah cand bree! 

C- What?  Here stop hugging me so I can hear you.

A- I don't know why you love to torture me.

C- Because you get so mad.  It's so fun.

A- I'm going to make the rest of your days miserable.

C- Okay Honey,  you're so cute.  I love you.

A- No.

C- I love you.

A- No.

C- You love me too, don't you?

A- I'm not talking to you anymore.

C- You can't stay mad at me.  You like me too much.

And that is when my head exploded.


7 comments:

Becky said...

LOL! He is a mega-tease!!

Stephanie said...

My DH is the same way...OMG I love the man but sometimes I just want to throttle him...

Anonymous said...

Boy, can I relate! My husband's sister had her 1st grandchild. We were both on the phone with her. She said to me, "Now you're a great aunt!"
Me: Yes, I am.
Him: Well, not really.
Me: What do you mean?
Him: I'm a great uncle, but you are
not a great aunt or even an
aunt.
Me: WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT?
Him: You're only their aunt by marriage. That doesn't count.
Me: Are you telling me that your nieces are not my nieces?
Him: Yes, technically.
Me: Then, you mean that they shouldn't really have been calling me Aunt Jaki all these years!?!?
Him: Technically
Me: So..... I am nothing to them?
Him: Technically

I wanted to hit him over the head!! Believe me this discussion went on much longer and MUCH LOUDER!!

Natalie said...

How are my step-sisters and step-brothers (my divorced mom married their widower dad) related to my husband's parents?

How is my half-brother (biological dad's son from his marriage #2) related to my step-sister's kids?

How are my dad's step-kids from his 3rd marriage (he married their mom when I was 18 and they were 13 to 18) related to my kids?

How are my kids related to my husband's sister who hates me so much that she has refused to see the 4 of us for over 4 years?

mansionstreet said...

I am so glad to know that someone else lives me life. The Fiance lives to torture me and apparently I'm "quite cute" when I am royally pissed off.

Marti said...

I have three cousins whose youngest sister isn't my cousin. In fact, I've never even met her.

Nemrac said...

Charlie and I have had the EXACT same conversation (minus the 'I can't breath' part). He claims Camron's wife Lisa is not HIS sister-in-law, she's mine. We've agreed to disagree on this issue, and now refer to Lisa as his sister-in-law by marriage.