Tuesday, May 15, 2007


For several weeks we have been dealing with three little furry creatures that make it their soul purpose to have nightly skirmishes in our garage. They eat all the cat food and then start growling at each other and tearing up anything they can get their little hands on. Sometimes, they wake me up in the middle of the night with their antics and then I wake up Clay hoping he'll go put an end to all the annoyance. Clay sits up in bed and scratches his whole body swears that he's seeing the ghost of his aunt's-nephew's-son's-wife and asks me "Do you see that, do you see that?!" then he flops back down and resumes his sleep and I lie awake less concerned about the wildlife in the garage and wondering if my husband is in fact in touch with another dimension.

Yesterday, I went to put my precious few chickens to bed. I locked them in the outside run and then I walked around to go inside the coop to collect the eggs. When I opened the door the girls started throwing an all out tizzy fit and several of them ran right back outside. I rushed back to look in the run to see one of our nightly visitors crawling up the wire! So, I cleared the rest of the chickens out and closed up the coop so he couldn't escape. I yelled to my daughter to get the camera.

Oh, My-Giddy-Up-Murray and Holly Crap Balls!!!! We caught a raccoon in the coop!

I stood there watching that little sucker, contemplating how I would torture the chicken eating-cat food stealing-wake me up every night- furry punk.

He nestled himself in the corner exposing his belly and panting like a dog. My children made loud exclamations that were not helping my evil thoughts of this creature's slow and painful death.

"He's sooooo cute! Look at that little face! Oh, he's scared, poor thing!" and the clincher.."Can we keep him?"

I kicked the cage and said in my best Clint Eastwood voice, "I know who you are and I know what you've done. Don't try to act all innocent. You're going to die. Just as soon as my husband gets home. Any minute now. He'll be here soon and then you're history. Just a few more minutes. "

The raccoon decided it was going to be a long wait, so he got comfortable.

And then he posed for a few close ups.

When Clay finally arrived on the scene the raccoon and I were practically friends, but I told Clay to go get his gun anyway. After several minutes of prodding the raccoon with a shovel and pole and metal rod and then just opening all the doors in the coop, the intruder climbed out onto the roof and made a break for the woods.

Look at that pose! He looks like he's been hunting for years. But, in reality this is the first time he's shot at a living animal. He got two shots at the raccoon and hit him both times, but not fatally. The raccoon ran down in his hole and we haven't seen him since. Clay's heart rate didn't drop back to normal for several hours.

Hopefully the message has been sent; We will not tolerate cute woodland creatures killing the chikens or tearing up the garage, my husband has a gun, named Bessy no less, and he's only mildly afraid to use it!


Crunchy Chicken said...

I'm not sure which is more frightening... the wild animal intruder or accidentally enlarging the picture of Clay with a gun to 1280 x 1024.

And I'm pretty sure that chicken coop isn't LEED certified.

Clay said...

I was going for a LEED platinum rating but...you know...they don't have a chicken poop category.

And now that I've typed that I'm convinced that I'm as nerdy as they come.

Rechelle said...

April - I think for the reenactment Clay should have been sporting a coonskin cap.

april said...

uh, Rechelle, this was no reenactment...we only shoot live and true images on this sight.

cndymkr said...

I have to agree, I'm not sure which scares me more ... the raccoon or the gun pose. I think the raccoon.

Vonda said...

I sympathize.....I spent at least two years trying to figure out what was getting our chickens. At first we were sure that it was the racoons because like you, we caught them growling and hissing at us in the chicken yard several times. So we kept them locked up but something still made its way in a very small space...not even an inch. Turned out it was weasels and they returned a couple time before we figured it out. Go here to see what we did.... (http://kylanagel.com/2005.html) Entry: 08-31-05
A radio really works....they listened to the only thing on all night....talk radio, Art Bell to be exact. Now we have alien chickens landing constantly, ha ha!

Rechelle said...

What exactly are "holly crap balls"?

Rechelle said...

Well, I think it was a reenactment - because I am pretty sure that the "raccoon" is one of mom's puppets.