Friday, December 12, 2008

Ugly Betty Big Bangs' Chocolate Dipped Pretzels

I've invited Ugly Betty Bangs to host this post for you. Betty gets her hair cut about twice a year and since she's broke she goes to a school that teaches young people how to cut hair.

This last time she had a very cute 18 year old cut her hair. Only the 18 year old was pretty new to cutting hair. Betty must not have communicated that she didn't want very many bangs because the young hair cutter used all the hair on top of Betty's head as bangs and before Betty knew it she had a huge mass of bangs and didn't quite know what to do except ask the 18 year old for a brow wax.

Betty had never had a brow wax before. Betty doesn't know why she thought this would be a good time to get a brow wax other than it might make her bangs look better. Betty has sensitive skin. The brow wax made Betty look like she was wearing neon pink eyeshadow for an entire day. Betty had to run a bunch of errands after she got her Bad Betty Bangs and Permanent Neon Pink Eyeshadow. Lots of people saw Betty with her glowing pink eyeshadow and Betty's young sons said they didn't like that pink stuff on Betty's eyes. Betty won't be getting her hair cut for a long, long, long time. Betty will be buying some barrettes.

Betty wants you to know her haircut cost $10 and the brow wax was$5 and she tipped the cute 18yo $10. Betty thinks that was a bargain for the amount of humbleness and humility she will be sporting for the next several months. Also, Betty has a Spanish accent.


Tanks so much fer dees Abril. Jou know I don got much to be tankful fer right now, specially dees hair, oh me. Let's make us some preeezels.

Okay, so first Betty bought a big tub of pretzel rods at the Aldi store. Broke Betty Big Bangs loves the Aldi store. One bad thing about these, they have high fructose corn syrup in them and remember when Big Broke Betty Bouncy Bangs said no more HFCS?

Ay, somtimes.....how jou say....jou gotta do what jou gotta do, jou know?



Using a double boiler Betty put water in the bottom pan. In the top pan she dumped half a bag of milk chocolate chips and half a bag of dark chocolate chips. After the chips melted she took them off the heat.

Betty's husband was the one that suggested they use the pastry brush to paint on the chocolate because spooning it on made it too thick and runny. Note the can of comet in the background used the scrub the cat pee off the stove. Yummy.

This is Big Butt Betty Bouncy Bang's husband . And that is a 12 googly eyed angel guarding their kitchen. Betty always feels like someone is watching her. Kinda creepy those 12 eyed angels. They have nothing to do with chocolate covered pretzels or the state of Betty's bangs.

Poor Ugly Betty Big Bangs. She's not having a very good week. Did you know she's wearing her husband's jeans? She is a complete fashion and hair disaster. At least she's not wearing that gray sweater again and again and yes, again!


Betty's family wanted to do some white chocolate too. They learned that the white chocolate cools much quicker and should stay on very low heat to keep it liquid enough to paint on the pretzels. The white chocolate dries much faster.

Broke Betty Big Bangs used up all her cookie decorating supplies. She also bought some candy canes and pulverized them in the food processor to use on the pretzels.

After the kids painted a pretzel they took them over to the counter to be decorated with sprinkles and glitters and doohickeys.

Then they laid them on some plastic to dry. Broke Betty didn't have any waxed paper, but this worked just fine.Betty's kids were very creative and very chocolaty. Betty let her 4yo lick the spoon. Betty has a bad habit of laying all her wooden spoons on the burners when the burners are burning hot. Betty's not too bright.

Betty used the last bits of chocolate to coat a few candy cane sticks, just because.

If Betty can do this, believe me you can too. Betty is going to be giving these as little gifts. Once they were dry she stored them in a pan. Betty will wrap each pretzel in some cellophane and tie with a ribbon. Because Betty may not have nice hair of fashionable clothes but she does have some creative powers that are beyond the normal human. Meaning she can wrap a pretzel in cellophane and tie a ribbon around it and make it look like A MEEEEELION DOLLARS!


Thanks Betty. Now let's go find a baseball cap, m-kay?

Oh no probleem, jou know, how jou say, Meddy Cheeestmas! An tanks so much!

28 comments:

Anna Sophia said...

You are too funny! I just enjoy laughing at you, er, I mean, WITH you! :-) I think your hair looks fine! I don't see the issue, maybe becasue I am blinded by my own Ugly Betty Big Bangs that appeared a little over 2 wks ago. All because Ugly Betty thought side sweep bangs might actually look good! Ha! I can tell you NO, they do NOT! Thanks for the pretzel idea. I am making mini's though, because that is all I have on hand and I am not buying more. Saving my $$$, remember... :-)

Gladys said...

Oh Beatty siz iz Fifi, I too have de baungs of which you speeks. I have spent ze last year how you say leeting dem out. Dey are now down to my cheen. I am nut shur what to do wid dem. If you come up wiz de solutions pleeze let me know. So it is not just because zu are Spainish, it is also de Francee' dat dey peek on.

Those pretzles are from the devil. They grab you when you walk by and force you to eat them. Send them to me and I will take care of them for you.:)

Jules said...

I posted a blog not two days ago about possibly getting bangs. I'm thinking maybe not. No offense to Betty, but now I'm scared. Oh, and I'm writing this whilst wearing my husband's jeans. A new pair of women's jeans that fit properly and look nice would cost a fortune. I'm too cheap for that.

Southern Gal said...

I've got all the stuff to make dose, I mean, those pretzels this year! Thanks for the idea of rolling them in the red and green doohickies 'cause I actually have some of those on hand, too!

Your bangs aren't that bad. You need to plaster them down in a sweep across your forehead. That seems to be the style...don't know why that is. I have wispy bangs cause my forehead is UGLY and too harsh for no bangs. A bunch of useless info for you to digest.

Renee

Erica said...

You crack me up...but you sound a bit more french than spanish. LOL

Anonymous said...

I too will have Betty bangs as I'm growing my hair. I'm familiar with fluorescent pink but I have learned that eyebrow waxing comes at the very end of the day with absolutely NO stops before home. BTW your hair isn't that bad...sweep it over to the side!

Lindastamps

Linda said...

Betty, urine good company ... I have the big bangs too. Not sure that's what I wanted, but that's what I got.

Speaking of urine ... thank goodness it wasn't in that chocolate dipped pretzel recipe!

Rhea said...

You are such a dork. And I mean that affectionately. I love your blog. You're just hilarious.

And that googly eyed angel is definitely creepish.

Southern Gal said...

Feliz Navidad, Betty! Go slap that Big Butted hubby o' yours!

Anonymous said...

ur bangs are really cute! they are in fashion sweep em' to the side and they'll look just adorable!

Joy said...

Hilarious!!!

Clayvessel said...

You know what they say about bad haircuts....they'll always grow out and you can start over.

I have an unbelievable talented hairdresser (she's a gorgeous buxom girl from Belize!) but I can't see her very often cuz she charges $35!!!American Dollars!!! for a cut. But she's really, really good. She could fix it fur sure.

Lisa said...

Oh, April. Oh, HONEY!! You made me laugh so farking hard tonight. Thank God I'm not incontinent...yet.

Really, honestly, truly...the bangs don't look bad. And if they did, I'd tell you. Really, I would!!! But I understand. I just returned to the South (capital "S", yall) after spending 18 months in the hell they call Illinois, and in the entire time I was there, I didn't get a single haircut that didn't make me look like a 65-year old gym teacher. (I'm actually a very stylin' 46-years old).

Karen Deborah said...

the pretzels look great. your bangs are fine why don't you smile pretty for the camera?

Leah said...

Those are really cute and look rather tasty, but with all the urine talk I'm a little happy I won't be receiving one of those urine pretzels. No offense. :)

carsick said...

Preperation H on your eyebrows just after they are waxed will take the swelling and red away. Really, if you can get over your using butt stuff on your eyes your in. I was in a wedding a few years ago and had my eyebrows waxed the morning of (Big No NO) All the wedding pictures of me were with pink eyeshadow. Not a proud moment but the bride and groom laugh about it to this day.

Trisha said...

Okay - I love the way you make lemonade out of the lemons in your life! To tell you the truth, the bangs don't look too bad in the picture . . .

The pretzles look fabulous. They are one of my favorite things to do with the leftover chocolate from my candy making.

Jewel said...

A lady from work decided to cut her bangs. She really shouldn't have, for starters she had a few/several beers. She cut them short, really really short. When she came to work we tried real hard not to say anything, she thanked us for not mentioning her bangs, then we busted a gut, I've never laughed so hard. Oh yeah I forgot to mention, that her daughter was getting married in a week.

cndymkr / jean said...

Oh Betty, you are just too funny. Those pretuzels look so delicious.

Donna said...

At least Betty can fit in her husband's jeans, a feat I can't accomplish.

Donna said...

I meant my husband's jeans, not Betty's husbands.

Jenni said...

Okay, the bangs are not that bad. I don't know why you would need a brow wax. Aren't blonde eyebrows pretty much invisible? Also, Clay must be very skinny if you can wear his jeans. And you must have long legs because that man looks tall. Models have long legs and 16yodd's friend (the glam one) was just raving about how all women want long, beautiful legs. I just looked down at my short, stubby legs and thought about how they served me well for narrow spaces such as airplanes and bleachers and how if I were a guy, these would be the perfect kilt-wearing legs. Hey, ya gotta work with what you've got, right? You have bangs; I have short legs. And I guess neither of us has eyebrows.

The pretzels look beautimous and absolutely delish. What a great idea for something the whole family can enjoy making and giving together.

Calder said...

Your hair looks fine... but you need to do something about that overbite. guargum. I think your spanish is getting confused.

muddywaters said...

I won't comment on the bangs, but I'm diggin' the pretzels. It combines two of my faves - chocolate and pretzels.

Renovation Therapy said...

I love your bangs, they had volume. Since I used to manage bands, I of course LOVE volume. Turn it up baby!

Stephanie in Idaho said...

you crack me up!

Miss Lila in Atlanta said...

I like the bangs girl!

Glad to hear someone else thinks the same way I do about underwear. Hey no one is going to see them right???

I's rather spend the money on Legos for my grandkids.

Miss Lila in Atlanta

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