Friday, July 25, 2008

Just call me the chicken doctor.

Guess what I had to do again tonight? I'll give you a hint. Spoink.

This time I got it all on film.  I know!  How lucky are all of you?!


This is Clay saying, "Are you seriously going to take pictures of this?"  Yeah.  Isn't his haircut cute?  He has an awesome stylist.  She lets him sit outside and get bombed by mosquitoes while she hacks away at his sweaty head.  He never leaves her a tip or for that matter pays her!  Humph!
Here's our poor little gal with the prolapsed pooper shooter.  She layed an egg today so I'm hoping that the egg was her problem.
My assistant does not have a very good attitude.  It's so hard to find good help these days.
My diagnosis; Pastey Hiney.  Dear me, that is just not pretty.  Mr. Assistant, please take Miss Pastey Hiney to examination room 1.  I need to go get my surgical tools.
Uh, could someone please get the water logged DOG out of the examination room!  This is a sterile environment!  I don't need my patient getting upset!  Geesh!  Who is in charge of security around here?  Wha?!  THE DOG!  Oh, Moses smell the roses!  What has the medical world come to?  And the fly?  The fly on Mr. Assistant's arm?  Please.  People, is this a medical facility or a barnyard?  Huh?  What's that?  It's a barnyard?  Oh.  Then we're good.  Carry on.
Okay, Miss Pastey Hiney, let's take a look.  Mmm Hmm, just as I suspected.  Yes, your crapolotic has fallen out of your poopmoreola.  I'll get you fixed up in a jiffy.
I'm just going to clean you up.  You should just feel a little pressure and maybe a small pinch.  Isn't that what they all say instead of this is gonna hurt like hell?  
Now, I'm preparing the special ointment that was made by millions of tiny buzzing pharmacists.  
Just a dab'll do ya.
And now..... Spoink.  


Okay, I want you to stay quiet for a couple more days and you should work on preening your feathers a bit hon, you're looking a bit shabby and I don't mean shabby chic dahling.  And try to keep your pooper shooter inside your body, I don't want to see you back here tomorrow.

Goodness, this doctoring business really works up an appetite.  Now who wants chicken for dinner?

37 comments:

cndymkr / jean said...

I think I'm going to skip the chicken for a while. Thanks.

jill said...

Oh my gosh, I am so impressed. I'm a veterinary nurse,and even though I've had my (gloved) fingers in some unusual places belonging to other species, I don't think I could do that! You guys are quite a team! Did you flip a coin to see who holds and who, uh...performs?

Kitty Bo said...

I'm proud of you for facing this head on, so to say. We raised a lot of baby chicks. Occasionally a young one would get what we called a "poo-poo hiney." The poop would harden at their rear end, and we'd have to get Vaseline to loosen it. If we didn't get it soon enough, the chick would get sick, and it's development would be stunted. In fact one little banty cockerel had the name Poo-poo Hiney his whole life. He was quite a character, too. My kids and I still reminisce about funny little Poo-poo Hiney.

Trisha said...

I never knew chickens were such "fun!" Does this happen often?

Melody said...

Oh! I hope she doesn't do that every time she lays an egg. :-( Poor dear.

I had a guinea pig who prolapsed while having her babies. She actually died, leaving me the proud mommy of 4 guinea pigs.

Hope your little hen will be back on her feet soon... and that she will have no more trouble, 'cause she is way to pretty to be a chicken dinner.

BTW, I just visited your site for the first time at the recommendation of your sister. I love it! I read the post she told us about and then had to keep on reading them all. Thanks for all the laughs!

Lindsay said...

Woman you are sick!!
I had fun visiting with you last night!

Linda said...

ick. I have a grimace on my face that hasn't left yet. its on there tightly. its hurting my lips. ew.
still, I did read it. i stuck it out. ew. you are a good chicken mom.
how did you spoink and click though?

Anonymous said...

Oh Lordy, just when I think you can't get any funnier! I want to say that was hilarious, but I don't think the chicken would appreciate my comments! It was kinda like the proverbial train wreck that you can't help but stop and look, but you're afraid of what you're about to see!
Hope the poor things get better soon.
*Hugs*
Bertie

Nikki said...

When I was a kid we owned an egg farm and yep, the main producers at the egg farm were {gasp} chickens. And there were a couple of hundred or so, maybe more. Anyway, I just wanted to say thank goodness I never had to readjust any of their pooper shooters (and where did That phrase come from?)
It was bad enough that I had to go up and down rows and collect the dirty eggs. I never really cared too much for the egg shooters, and it's okay that I still don't care.
But I am in awe of someone who can do that and I'm all for the gloves. Maybe heavier gloves. maybe asbestos safe gloves. cause you can never be too safe.

Romi said...

Why do I find this fascinating? I'm sitting spellbound at my computer following the pictures like I might have to remember this and do it to one of my chickens someday...wait I live in the city and we don't have live chickens here.

Gotta go change dinner plans for fried chicken to vegetable stir fry!

I love your blog!

Jennie said...

Whoa, I thought I had it bad when I had to "de-scour" the hiney of one of our pygmy goats (repeatedly for 10 days)! Thankfully, I haven't had to spoink any of our hens yet but if needed I now know what to do. Love your blog, I'm an Alabama country girl. Come by to countryvaughnsblog.blogspot.com and visit a spell!

Jenni said...

EUGHHHHHHHH!!!

I feel the need to clorox my computer screen.

Alicia said...

I must say that your veterinary photographer did a fabulous job. You could probably write your own medical journal on this subject! I can only hope that one day I too will have a chicken with a fallen out pooper shooter!

Cindy said...

Wow, I had no idea that happened to chickens. We live in the countryside of Ohio and I've always wanted some chickens, but on second thought............

By the way, lovelovelovelovelove your blog. You crack my husband and me up.

Keep us posted on your poopy chicken.

Rhea said...

Oh man, and I thought the cherry pie pictures were bad...

iloveupstate.com said...

::::hurl::::

Karen Deborah said...

I think maybe I would've wrung her neck and been done with it. Amazing how much a chicken hiney and a people hiney look alike when they have fallen out. think I'll skip chicken forever.
I have cut my hubs hair for 23 years, maybe I should submit a bill now for the total, plus interest.ummm might be onto something!

Marilyn said...

I...um...went to Scarlet Orchid in Lawrence tonight, April, and had fantastic ginger-garlic chicken. And I rhapsodized about the tender chicken in sauce.

And now I have to go spoink out my dinner.

Literarysnob said...

As a City Kid ...That's just too gross!!!

Okay when I get to the small town I want to teach in I "was" going to raise chickens...I have now reconsidered that!! What about a lamb??? I could learn to shear its wool card and spin it all out and then dye it to knit something....right now I only know how to make papby hats and scarves....need to learn something new in my knitting repetoir.

But chickens are so out of my plan!!!

Clayvessel said...

We've had chickens for something like 27 years and I have NEVER had to do that! Now, cows yea....

My chicken story is that last night, 3am, we had to listen to a raccoon grab the only hen that wasn't locked up in the coop. She was out in a hidey-hole nest with her new chick that she recently hatched. First we heard her give out a terrorized squawk and then a minute later, the chick! Though that was a loud peep. Heart breaking! Thirty minutes later we did hear her clucking and squawking again so we need to go see if she got away and was hiding.

Gonna have to get us a live trap for them varmints.

Jenni said...

Oh. My. GAWD! That is just narsty! I think I would get rid of that chicken before it happens again.

Sandra said...

Gross and funny soooo seldom strike me as laugh-out-loud funny -- but this does it!

Serendipity said...

Hilarious! I can't believe you did that! Thanks for sharing!!!

Rechelle said...

April - you have a sickness.

jennifer said...

april- just found your blog from your sister. it's great! way too funny about the chicken. it's really gross, in a fascinating sort of way. can't help but keep reading, but it's WAAAAAYY too much INFORMATION!!! we butchered chickens last week, and those pin feathers are almost enought to make me want to be a vegetarian. this could send me over the top! looking forward to more chuckles from you!

LDF said...

Does your SPLOINK cure actually work? I had a couple of Buff Orpingtons a while back that had that problem too. They went into the stew pot cuz I didn't know about SPLOINK. What's the purpose of the honey? Just curious ...

The Howes Family said...

Just when I think I want a farm with some chickens. I link from PW to your sister, to you and my dreams are dashed with one picture of chicken anus.

yikes!

Egghead said...

Brave woman. Shall we be calling you Dr. April, Medicine Woman now? There is just something about pushing innards back in a chicken that makes my stomach a little pukey feeling. Yikes!

Stephanie/Idaho said...

I think it was HILARIOUS! I have a weak stomach, but that didn't faze me. Hilarious, I tell you!

Liked from PW to your sister to you. You are now 'bookmarked in my fav's'!!!!!!!

Thank you for making me look like an idiot here at work while I laughed for 5 solid minutes! I finally got hold of myself... After sharing with everyone else. Apparently I don't have the weak stomach. I had one co-worker leave the room when she saw the 'hiney needing sploinking'! Ahahahahahahaha Still laughing...

Stephanie/Idaho said...

Oops - 'Liked' yes, however I meant to say I 'linked' from PW to your sister to you... Still laughing....

Lorraine said...

How enlightening! Not sure I needed to see that, as the visuals in my mind were enough. Enjoying your blog, and yes, I found you through pw!

Kristin said...

Wow, so not what I wanted to read while eating my dinner. Which just happens to be chicken. That's what I get for eating on the couch in front of the computer I guess.

Joy said...

way too funny. I can't imagine doing that but guess I could!

Knot By Gran'ma said...

This post might have just saved my chicken's life. Gross, but informative. Thanks!

Tamlynn said...

ditto the pp. thank you for posting this absurd series of pics. This morning my favorite hen had this very problem. I rushed to call my mom, who has raised chickens for 30 years, but she had never seen a prolapse in her chickens. Then I tried the next best source of info -the internet. I linked here from a post on BYC. My hen had a huge ball of hard poop (I take it we are not queasy about details on this blog) stuck in her hoo-ha, and with the help of some latex gloves and a little neosporin (I like to eat my honey) all is well and in order again. Unfortunately I didn't have a handy assistant to help me, just a couple of kids who quickly turned green and left. The thought of taking pics did briefly cross my mind, but I only have two hands. So thank you!

Anonymous said...

Can't believe one reader HEARD the chicken get attacked by a raccoon and didn't get up to see if there was a chance for it????? Ah, what's one chicken??!!

Thanks for the info. I just had a chick with the same problem and I did what you said. We'll see how successful it was. Had to do it a few times...

thanks too for the picture so i could be certain that really was the problem!

Anonymous said...

In between gasping for air, I have not laughed so hard for several days (was around humorous folks past weekend), thoroughly enjoyed the operation (I'm "medical"), but couldn't tell exactly what you were doing aside from squeezing the pooper-thingy out so you could clean it and apply the antibiotic gel.
Best "how-to" for this problem I have found so far...thanks! Here goes nothin..........