Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Squeezing Cherries

Today as I was admiring my flock of chickens I noticed one of the girls had a bit of a pasty hiney.

Oh boy I thought, I gotta look at that poor chicken's butt. So I caught her and carried her to the garden to have a look.
Her little bottom was covered with chicken sh*! and there's more. Lots more.
Her insides were NOT on the inside. They were dripping out of her poopy hole. Yes, they were.
Cripes. I didn't know what to do for her. Call a vet? Have chicken for dinner? It was a bit much. So I put her back in the coop and went inside to look in my chicken book for an answer.
But, my book didn't say anything about a chicken with it's guts hanging out of its pooper shooter. So, I waited until Clay came home so I could Google....like any good chicken owner would do.
Within minutes, I discover my little Buff Orpington had a prolapsed colon and the quick fix was to put some honey on the spot and shove it back inside. So, I went back out to the coop and with the assistance of Clay I cleaned her up with some warm water, slathered honey on her protruding colon and spoinked it back in where it belongs. I was wearing rubber gloves, if that helps your mental picture. I put her in isolation and hopefully she will be okay.
Now, who wants some cherry pie? Huh? Anyone? No? Not hungry? Okay, more for me.

BTW, that cookbook is one of my favorites and that pie was amazing!

42 comments:

Rechelle said...

Oh yeah - some honey up the butt - that fixes everything! What are you smoking out there?!?!?

Now line up all those co-workers and janitors and home school moms and buck toothed children of yourn and kiss them right down the line for me. One two three four five...

Rechelle said...

PS - Honey your title says Sqeezing Cheeries - So you might want to you know...

April said...

Hey Rechelle! Why don't you go sqeeze yourself! Dang it!

Anonymous said...

That was gross. But I can't help laughing anyway. Especially at you and your sister's bantering. (I'm trying real hard to spell everything correctly.) Margie

Anonymous said...

ROFLMBO!! The story was hilarious enough, and now the comments!
And I thought MY sisters were nuts!!
I LOVE YOU GUYS!
- Bertie

PS I've heard of a Honey Hole but it didn't have anything to do with Chickens!!

hope4grace said...

Dear god.....I'm tasting a little barf here girlie! Nice pie though

Jenni said...

OMG! That was one of the most disgusting things I've read. Pairing it with the cherry pie pictures makes it somehow nastier than looking at Ree's pictures of the vet preg checking the cows. I'm not sure how, but believe me, it does! And for some reason, I am still laughing. I feel like I might puke, but I'm laughing.

Natalie said...

My brain is not the kind that can process the story at the same time as the pictures since they were not about the same thing. Kind of gross about the chicken but that's country life for you.
Did your son make the whole pie himself? We have that same pink plastic bucket at our house but it's used to make grass & dirt stew which I'm sure doesn't taste as good as the pie. Are those cherries from your trees?

Nancy said...

OK, I just about lost my lunch. Literally. Just so happens I'm eating my lunch at my computer while catching up in blog land. I think I've had enough (eating).

The cookbook looks interesting. A good one?

Nancy said...

me again...have you read Animal, Vegetable, Miracle by Barbara Kingsolver? If not, you should. Now.

cndymkr / jean said...

I think maybe you have been out in the sun too long. Go get a tall, large drink and go to bed.

The pictures were just perfect with the story. Of course, you have now ruined honey for me. Thank you.

Barb said...

I had that happen to my favorite cat. However he wasn't as fortunate. Let us know if the chicken survives.

Anonymous said...

Hey April maybe now you know where the blue egg came from

Lindsay said...

You are hysterical...I'm laughing and gagging at the same time. My son thinks something is wrong with me.

Anonymous said...

Hilarious! One of our kittens had a prolapse like that and 2 surgeries and $120 later it died anyway! And it was just a wild farm cat. I couldn't help it! I hope you washed your hands before you squeezed the cherries!

Kris

Lori Shaffer said...

You're a sick woman. Kansas is making you crazy.

Marilyn said...

Oh, April, this killed me! It's like the baking post I wish I could write. But I'd never be able to spoink a chicken's colon. Oh, now I'm nauseous. LOL.

April said...

Natalie,
No, Seth just helped pit all the cherries. I made the pie. And yes those are the cherries from our cherry tree. I call it our 6 pie tree because that's how many bags of cherries I was able to freeze for future pies.

Nancy,
People keep telling me to read that book, I guess I better go get it.

Egghead said...

Oh my poor little mind can't quite grasp the story that does not go with the photos. You are nutty. I have to give it to you I can do a lot of things but pushing a chickens arse back in place might be the farmers job.

The Source said...

You should definitely warn people to swallow their Dr. Pepper and go pee before reading this post! I've spewed all over my laptop here. Too funny! Poor chicken...wonder how that happens??

Carla said...

YOU ARE TERRIBLE! Terribly funny that is! Thank you for NO posting Chicken butt pictures!

Mim said...

Hi, wondered over from your seester's blog. Loved the post! I was laughing the whole time.

Tracy said...

OMW!!! You are hysterical! This is my first visit to your blog and it came close to getting me in trouble! I am at work and, gosh, supposed to be working, therefore, letting loose gales of laughter is oh so inappropriate. I tried covering my mouth with my hand, then tried pinch my nostrils together at the same time as covering my mouth – nothing worked. I finally called a halt to reading and decided I better save reading your blog while in the privacy of my home! Thanks for the laughter!

Pamelotta said...

I swear I felt just like that chicken must have felt every time I've been pregnant. We call it something different of course and who'd of ever guessed the problem could be taken care of with a little hiney honey and some spoinking!

I think I'll have a small slice of that pie.

Anonymous said...

Please, please keep writing. You are friggin halarious and I am about to literally fall on the floor laughing while rying, while peeing my my pants. You have a sick and twisted gift and I LOVE IT! You rock! I am going home to make some cherry pie!

AdornmentsbyMilani.com said...

I like your choice of pictures to go along w/ the chicken story. Much nice visual than the pictures in my head of you doing that to the chicken lol.

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Beki said...

The tears. Can't. Stop. The. Tears. I have not laughed so hard. Can't breathe!!!

iloveupstate.com said...

Awesome. Just frikken Awesome.

iloveupstate.com said...

Wait.

I just thought of something. The Fiance's best friend is from Russia and he's very "holistic". Recently he complained about hemerroids. What did he do? He shoved a potato coated in HONEY up his butt.

REALLY.

I still can't look him in the eye knowing what I know...

Heather said...

OMGosh, that is dang funny. I came over here, cuz your sister said to, and i'm sooo glad i did. How bizarre is that, the pie and the chkn butt?! LOVE IT. And you make me miss my sister who passed away a couple years ago. No one could make me laugh harder than her, and she was beeeezarrrre. Heather

Miss Alissa said...

I don't know why on earth we seem to find somewhat disgusting things so funny, but...that is HILARIOUS!!

Ranchmum said...

When this happened to one of our sheep, we were told to sprinkle granulated sugar on the prolapse. It worked.

Enjoy your blog!

Rhea said...

OMG, no one warned me. This post was so freakin' hilarious...and so gross I was ready to throw up.

I'll be back for more.

Tammy said...

I don't know whether to laugh or throw up! You are so so funny. Thanks for crackin' me up!

Auntie Em said...

Oh...my...goodness! that is hilarious! Just found you thru your sister, via Pioneer Woman. I can see I have a home here already! I'll be back soon@

Anonymous said...

i cannot believe you used a store-bought pie crust. sheeesh. you have totally ruined my image of you.

Mrs. C

Sandra said...

This is one of the funniest posts I have ever read in my whole life! Well, or at least since I read my first ever blog post 10 months ago -- but it is REALLLLLLLY funny. I'm coming back, and you can't stop me! :)

Linda said...

Sandra woke me up from my Sunday afternoon nap, with a telephone call to tell me that I must get up now and go read this blog. In spite of my post-nap fuzziness, it made me smile. I'll be back. When I'm wider awake.

Suzette said...

Ohhhh...I'm laughing out loud here! What a picture! I have a kitty with a butt problem. Cost me a ton of money. Maybe I shoulda tried slathering his butt with honey before taking him to the vet! Had it not worked, however, I can't imagine explaining honey residue on Max's hiney to Dr. Speth!

April said...

Reading this post makes me proud to share the name April with you!

Wookie said...

I went to your sister's site by way of the Pioneer Woman and then to your site by way of your sister. I'm sure there was an easier way to say that, but I am so glad I did...I think. If I EVER encounter a chicken with its colon hanging out, I'll know what to do. Also, I think I will make that cherry pie. Looks lovely. What does it mean that my appetite was not deterred in the least by your post?

Jenny in Ca said...

wow- your whole situation is sinisterly like one we had with our buff hen (name mad dog). I didn't check her hiney soon enough, and we ended up with a mess- a maggot or something crawling mess.

We are city folks, with 4 hens as pets. I hate to admit it, but we put her down.

City folk trying to put a hen 'down' is a recipe for disaster/and/or dark comedy. Nobody would go with my idea of putting her in the closed garage with the car motor running....

I should go post the story, I just thought it was too gross...but I guess you prove other-wise here.

gross, but funny somehow.