I love to shop!

I felt so guilty leaving you at home in the care of your older sibling so I brought you all with me. I just love you all that much.

The first store we went in you decided to make yourself comfortable and get your own dressing room and try on shorts even though I said this trip is about me this time, not you. You even found a shirt that you didn't need for 4.97 and told me that all your other shirts were too tight. You know the ones I bought two weeks ago? Yeah, those are waaaaay to tight oh, and itchy. I love you so much that I waited for you to finish getting dressed instead of leaving you in the store.

On the way to the second store you rubbed your tummy and told me how starved you were. And I was enjoying our time together so much that I didn't trip you or run the stroller into the back of your ankles when you asked why we always had to shop for me.

I giggled at your cuteness when you asked to ride the Merry Go Round 85 times in 5 minutes.

I picked up the goldfish crackers that you were piling on the floor to eat one by one even after the store clerk exclaimed how dirty the floor was...then I handed them to you so you could do it all over again and again. I love those little games.

I am so glad that three of you are potty trained so we can find those bathrooms in the different stores. After all shopping is an expedition; we are in search for the unknown.

I was having so much fun with you that when your father answered my call to come meet us at the mall specifically to take you home I may have shed a tear. I just love shopping with you boys that much!

Yesterday, I slid down a razor blade into a cool bath of alcohol. That is how I feel when I am in search of a new pair of jeans. Did I find a pair? Why yes, and they are still hanging on the rack in the store with the price tag of 128.00...what?!

I spent four hours looking for pants to fit the 50 foot tall shrunken apple head woman. I'm tall and let's use the word bodacious instead of blubbery in the butt and thighs. I like the low waist jeans, but I don't really need the jeans to be so low and tight that my bodaciousness is forming a butt crack up to my shoulder blades...or is that called a coin slot? Yes, a coin slot the size of Texas, oooh pretty!

I'd like to recognize these stores for their exceptional merchandise...

Thank you Eddie Bauer for carrying jeans that are long enough for me and high enough to chaff my armpits.

Thank you GAP for changing the long and lean style that I coveted into the hike the butt flab onto my back style.

Thank you Banana Republic for carrying the one pair of jeans that fit me and charging the cost of a grocery trip for my family, although I did pause and think 'we could eat the chickens...hmmm?'

Thank you Hollister for having a teeeeny tiiiiny sales person that handed me a size 11 that she thought was surely big enough and when I held the pair aloft to show her if barely covered my forearm she laughed and said, "Really? You don't think that will fit?"

The Tall Girl Shop (or whatever it's called) thank you for recognizing tall women. I don't personally know anyone that is 8 feet tall, but you have done a great job making clothes for them.

Anne Taylor Loft, I love you. I will give my children to you if you will start making jeans that fit me. I love your sales people, I love your shirts and skirts and dresses and shoes and pants and the layout of your store...well except you give way to much attention to petites and not tall people, go figure.