Monday, November 24, 2008

You've hurt my feelings three times today!

I have two sister-in-laws, but if you ask Clay, I only have one. Apparently, the woman that married Clay's brother is not technically my sister-in-law, she is only Clay's sister-in-law. Likewise, Clay insists that Rechelle's husband is not his brother-in-law.

Have I ever mentioned that my husband loves to frustrate the heckle-jo-jeckle out of me? He does, it's like a sport for him. A sport that sometimes leaves him bloody and bruised.

Clay's sister or, my sister-in-law, is an actress or at least she's been auditioning to be an actress for the last twenty or so years. She is very dramatic, so being an actress is the perfect vocation for her. She's also the best story teller I know and whenever she's around I laugh myself silly at the retelling of her crazy life. Being around her is like watching a musical comedy come to life and I get to be an extra on the stage. By the time she leaves I'm exhausted from all the curtain calls and back stage parties.

Before Clay's grandmother passed away her house was home base for Clay's siblings and father to meet for holidays. Mam-ma lived in a tiny two bedroom house with one bathroom. After we had Ellen we were upgraded from sleeping on the floor in the living room to the tiny back bedroom that had a little couch with a hideaway bed. The frame of that bed had a metal bar that hit across my shoulders and another one that went across my lower back. It was also not much bigger than a twin size bed. I have no idea how Clay, baby Ellen and I managed to fit on that bed. I do know that Clay and I were not the young happy new parents after a couple nights of rolling around on the metal pipes and attempting to sleep with a baby that insisted on putting her butt on my neck and her feet up her father's nose.

Unfortunately, my sister-in-law with her glitter and sparkle, sing and dance, giggle and glee personality was the whipping post for Clay's lack of sleep. I wish I could remember what he said to her but by the third day of being cooped up in that tiny house with each other, my husband was not tolerating his sister's over exuberant personality and had heard enough about LA and The Business. He also didn't want to learn anymore of the tips from her life coach or hear all the new methods that the west coast was boasting on rearing children. We had watched all of her audition tapes, witnessed the reenactment of her reaction to celebrity encounters and learned several new yoga moves. Clay was done playing. Like all little brother's, he found his best coping mechanism was to make-fun of his sister. After several ribbings, his sister turned to him in front of all of us and said with great dramatic flair, "Clay! You've hurt my feelings three times today!"

Oh, that moment was priceless. There were apologies and hugs and tissues and tears. But, the best thing was getting to use that phrase over and over and over again for the next 14 years, "Clay! You've hurt my feelings THREE TIMES TODAY!!!" The mileage that little outburst has received in our house, you can't grasp it. Every. Single. Time. One of us starts to make fun of the other that phrase comes out and we bust a gut. I'm telling you it was Oscar worthy.

A couple years ago we recounted the story to Clay's sister. Like a good sport, she laughed and made fun of herself. That's one of the best things about her, she can laugh at herself too. However, Clay is careful not to make fun of her more than two times.


Jaclyn Bailey said...

That is flipping priceless! I can see my sister saying something like that!

A Bite of Country Cupcakes said...

That's funny!
My sister did a similar thing recently when telling us of her making a carrot cake she announced she "grates her own carrots!"
What??? How else do you make a carrot cake!!!
Next she too will announce we have hurt her feelings x3 times! lol!

Rhea said...

That's a great story! What a dramatic statement. hehe

So, I'm confused why Clay's sister-in-law is not your sister-in-law.

Jenni said...

So, my husbands sister is my sister-in-law, yes? And my brother's wife is also my sister-in-law, but not dh's sister-in-law, yes? But what is my dh's half sister to me? Is she my half sister-in-law? I am so confused! April, you've hurt my brain three times today!

In my family we (and I mean just my brother and I) like to say, "It's only a wafer-thin after dinner mint." Then we laugh at how this innocent phrase makes our mother look like she's going to puke buckets. That reminds me, it's almost her birthday. Time to get her a box of after dinner mints.

Southern Gal said...

I love, love, love those little phrases that stay in the family forever. This one is great!


Rechelle said...

It's only a wafer thin after dinner mint.

Leila said...

You are just so funny.

Marilyn said...

Actually they are not sister-in-laws; they are sisters-in-law...just a little gramatical pet peeve of mine. I know, I need to get a life! Love your blog.

Michelle said...

In my family, for the last ten years or so, every time you get a card for your birthday it will say - Thanks for the walks on the beach! I have no idea why this came about or when but we laugh everytime. Would probably cry if it wasn't there though!
There are lots of strange happenings when you have three brothers.

Anonymous said...

The phrase that has lasted in our family is when my brother showed our family the tattoo he got on the back of his head and our mother angrily said "Well Happy Birthday to Me".

It wasn't funny at the time, but it has been funny for many years since.

Beth said...

There must be something to that "older sister drama for a younger brother in adulthood-thing." My husband went through similar trials and tribulations with his sister. He loves her, but she tests his patience.

I always joke that I have a short fuse and a loud bomb at the end--but it doesn't do much damage but it's loud. My husband on the other hand, has a very long fuse but the bomb at the end is atomic. Run! Our kids know to RUN if he explodes.

My husband always brushed off his jealous older sister's comments. Eh, no big deal. Until the day. You know the one--the day the atomic bomb went off at his parents house. Whoa! He blew.

Her husband, my MIL and I were in the room with them. She made her usual jab at him and I guess the fuse had burned down. My MIL and I left the room as the bomb went off. Her husband stayed to watch (quite sporting of him). She was absolutely stunned and when he was done with her, he walked into the room where my MIL and I were and announced, "Well! That's felt good. I'm not taking crap from her anymore!" We burst into fits of laughter. She's better. Not great, but better. Now I think he enjoys letting her have it!

Class of 1967 said...

I am sure we have some of these phrases in my family I just can't think of any right now, but I think we may have come up with another one yesterday.
My niece's husband, Art, has been around the family for 9 years. Yesterday as my youngest brother was leaving he told Art, it was nice to meet him. The rest of us aren't sure what that's all about but we all told each other it "nice to meet you" as we left.