I locked myself in the chicken coop.
It was an accident, I swear.
I wanted the door shut so I could capture one of the hens that had been overly pecked. Because, you know, I'm a chicken doctor. But, I shut the door a bit too much and it, it, it locked me in.
I had the hen secured under my arm and I started yelling for "Ellllllen" and "Seththththth". But they couldn't hear me. Because they were inside watching a movie! With their cousins! And they had the volume on FULL BLAST!!!!
So, I started yelling louder and Louder and LOUDER!
And that's what brought the rooster into the coop to investigate.
Do you know what a rooster does when he sees a crazy yelling woman handling one of his hens? That's right. He attacks.
So, now I'm SCREAMING Somebody PLEASE HELP ME!!! While I'm kicking a pissed off rooster.
Of course the more I screamed for help the more he attacked me. Finally, I let him have it and he scampered back outside just long enough for me to decide my only escape was to dismantle the leg on the feeder and use it to pry open the door. So, that's what I did.
Man was I ticked. And shaky. And pissed. And angry. And a little out of my mind crazy.
I needed someone to blame because it was obviously not my fault that I locked myself in the coop and like always nobody came to rescue me!
My destination was the house to eat my young. Or just spit fire on them until they were nice and charred, then I would feed them to the chickens.
I asked my two oldest children to reenact the whole scene. Notice Ellen's new braceless smile!