Today I had to go to Wal-Phart to buy school supplies for my chicklets. Why? Why do I have to go to Wal-Phart?
Because you are cheap.
So, I'm driving with my window down in the front lane of the parking lot and out of the corner of my eye I see a lady crossing the lane on my left side, but I'm ahead of her so I keep driving and she yells, "What the Fluttercup!" Except she didn't really say fluttercup, because then I would have laughed at her or with her. So I say back to her in my most motherly voice, "Oh, that's nice." Because hello? I have four kids in the car and um, I think my van was in front of you? But, maybe I was wrong. I don't know. So many people at the Wal-Phart.
Then not even three seconds later...
I am still driving in the front lane and some chicky momma is pushing her cart down the center of the road. I'm on one side and another car is on the other and I'm thinking, Lady get out of the road or you're going to get hit! But, I drive by her instead of letting her do whatever it is she's doing with her cart in the middle of the road and she says to me, "Are YOU crazy?!" and I said back, "Yes. Yes I am."
Because, who isn't crazy? I mean for crying out loud I'm at Wal-Phart at the busiest time of day at the end of the school supply shopping frenzy and all the college students are prowling the isles trying to find all the plastic crap they're going to cram in their dorm room and I'm with my four children needing four thousand three ring binders, the rainbow spectrum of index cards and a semi truck load of paper that I know I won't be able to find because I waited until I thought the coast was clear to shop for school, but obviously the coast is clogged with ladies hanging out precariously in the parking lot!!!! And you're asking me if I'm crazy?! Oh, honey, crazy isn't even close to what I am.
But, then she was the second lady to get after me in as many seconds. So, I think it was me. In the back of my mind I wanted to run down innocent women in the parking lot of Wal-Phart today.
April, get back to the farm and stay there, you are a public nuisance.