Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Who is the crazy lady in the parking lot? That would be me.

Today I had to go to Wal-Phart to buy school supplies for my chicklets.  Why?  Why do I have to go to Wal-Phart?



Because you are cheap.

Oh.  Right.


So, I'm driving with my window down in the front lane of the parking lot and out of the corner of my eye I see a lady crossing the lane on my left side, but I'm ahead of her so I keep driving and she yells, "What the Fluttercup!"  Except she didn't really say fluttercup, because then I would have laughed at her or with her.  So I say back to her in my most motherly voice, "Oh, that's nice."  Because hello?  I have four kids in the car and um, I think my van was in front of you?  But, maybe I was wrong.  I don't know.  So many people at the Wal-Phart.  

Then not even three seconds later...

I am still driving in the front lane and some chicky momma is pushing her cart down the center of the road.  I'm on one side and another car is on the other and I'm thinking, Lady get out of the road or you're going to get hit!  But, I drive by her instead of letting her do whatever it is she's doing with her cart in the middle of the road and she says to me, "Are YOU crazy?!"  and I said back, "Yes.  Yes I am."

Because, who isn't crazy?  I mean for crying out loud I'm at Wal-Phart at the busiest time of day at the end of the school supply shopping frenzy and all the college students are prowling the isles trying to find all the plastic crap they're going to cram in their dorm room and I'm with my four children needing four thousand three ring binders,  the rainbow spectrum of index cards and a semi truck load of paper that I know I won't be able to find because I waited until I thought the coast was clear to shop for school, but obviously the coast is clogged with ladies hanging out precariously in the parking lot!!!!  And you're asking me if I'm crazy?!  Oh, honey, crazy isn't even close to what I am.
 

But, then she was the second lady to get after me in as many seconds.  So, I think it was me.  In the back of my mind I wanted to run down innocent women in the parking lot of Wal-Phart today.  

April, get back to the farm and stay there, you are a public nuisance.

    

31 comments:

a bite of country cupcakes said...

WOO HOO! i AM THE FIRST COMMENT LEAVER!!!
Anyhoo...Crazy is as crazy does!
Is'nt that what Forrest Gump said?
dON'T KNOW WHAT IT MEANS??? BUT IT WAS A LINE IN THE MOVIE!!!
I reckon you could write about anyhthing and I would find it funny...I read feeling the corners of my mouth start forming a smirk>>>Hope you got the school stuff,
Take Care

Rhea said...

I gave in and went shopping today also. I ended up at both Target and Walmart. And, way too many people, nutty people, and it was annoying. And I'd spend forever trying to find things that ended up being right under my nose.

I'm so glad I'm done with that.

You are a menace on the road, woman. haha

Beth said...

I shudder to think of what awaits me. I've done little to no school supplies shopping yet.

Hey, maybe I can run down the people you missed. It's like a big game of "Frogger."

Living on the Spit said...

During "back to school" time and other times such as Christmas...I go to Wal-mart at some obscure hour, like 3 am and then no one's there, so it's pretty safe...there's only the stock people, drunks, and crazy people like me avoiding the other crazy people in the world.

I too, am glad to be done with the whole buying stuff deal for a while...it's completely over rated.

Great post though...and I am glad you survived.

Sharon said...

School started on Monday. I had to stop at Target and it was SO nice to find plenty of parking and no kids to keep track of while shopping.

Mama Hen said...

I am laughing out loud and will probably wake my kids up! I love the, "Yes, Yes I am crazy." Oh, how I wish I could be so brave(crazy)

Mama Dawg said...

We make a game of it. We TRY to piss people off in the parking lot. Much more fun that way.

Leslie said...

Honestly, I often feel like running people over in the parking lot at Wal-Mart. Seriously, do people turn their brains off when in the parking lot there? It certainly seems so.

We are in year round school so my son has been back in for 3 weeks now. In our town, two of the elementary schools are year round, one is traditional calendar and the middle and high schools are traditional calendar. So, school supply season starts in June here and runs through the end of August.

Anonymous said...

I hate Walmart. I hardly EVER go. I went this past Friday afternoon. That in itself is crazy. I don't have kids in school so it never dawned on me that the place would be full of school supply buyers. Oh, how I do remember those days those. And was reminded this weekend. But the really sad part for me, I FORGOT that this past weekend was the tax free weekend for all school supplies, clothing etc. I had to walk, what seemed like, miles to and from my car. :) Margie

Kristi said...

Where else can you go to afford school supplies when the teachers require - SEVENTY TWO PENCILS FOR ONE CHILD! - No kidding seventy two pencils. I don't think I've used that many pencil in my life. What do they do? throw them away when the tip breaks. So I too shop at Wal-Phart for school supplies. Although I think I'll join the PTO and make my voice heard. They'll be asking "Who is the crazy lady at the PTO meeting."
I just park in the back by the garden center to avoid the electric carts and aisle dwadlers (those are the people who amble down the center of the lane and leave their buggy there as they unload).

Pumpkin Cupcake Queen said...

Your post made me laugh. I braved the Phart myself yesterday and it was a dysfunctional family circus.

iloveupstate.com said...

I think everyone gets a bit "dumb & angry" as soon as they walk thru the Wal-Phart doors. The Fiance and I play a game of trying to find ANYONE with a smile on their face.

Trisha said...

I think there is something in Wal Mart parking lots that just makes you want to hit people. Oh - wait - it is STUPID people!

I don't blame you one bit for feeling that way. Wal Mart is a neccessary (okay I can never spell that work!) evil for most of us!

Kitty Bo said...

In this part of the Tx hill country, our Wally World in Fredericksburg is a friendly place. In fact, that's where you go to see your friends. You know you will always see someone you know there. There is a German omah to greet you at the door, you can talk about the weather. People are friendly in the parking lot. We don't have a Tar-jeh anyplace close by. The Wally Worlds in the bigger cities of Tx are a little more disconcerting. Sorry you had those experiences. When I go to Fredstown, I hit the high and holy places: Wally World and HEB, the nice big grocery store.

Hope4Grace said...

Your patience kills me. You completely resisted the urge to give that ole bat a "love tap" with your bumper, I'm in awe.
As I truly believe that Wal-Mart sucks the intelligence out of people as they pass through the doors.

Lorie said...

What would we do without Wal-Mart? I can totally relate...

Nancy said...

Sounds like a classic case of Wal-Phart Rage! It happens to all of us when we arrive at the big W-P. Especially when you live in a college town and all those young kids come back! I much prefer it when they LEAVE town!

Leighanne said...

I have the same issue. I often question if the mental health hospitals release people just as I'm heading out shopping. Why else would the crazy people also be out at the same time as me?

I found your blog through a chain of blogs/comments.

SisterTwo said...

Love your attitude!! Because in reality 99% of the people would agree with you.
We went on Sunday afternoon, though we refer to it as the evil empire. It was abosutely the busiest I have ever seen the store!
Well the kids started school this morning and I'm sure they will come home with a new list of things that weren't on the first list.

Naomi B. said...

I had to go there myself today. Walked there with the kids while the car was in the garage across the street.
We made our appointment early so as not to encounter the pillars of the community who like to hang out there.
I think my son may be a little OCD because he couldn't stop touching things on the shelves and hanging pegs whenever I stopped to look at something- and by touch I mean put like things together and line everything up. Do I need to be worried?

Shelley said...

Ugh - I totally feel for you!

Last night my husband & I were on the way home from the gym (in San Diego), and this guy was walking in the street in front of our car saying (really loudly) "fluttercup" & "wussy" (with a "p") over & over - not sure what his point was. I was thinking, "If I had kids, I would totally stick my head out the window & be like, "Excuse me? You need to check yourself!"

Then a car was coming towards him (b/c he had no business being in the street at that time) & he stopped and put up his arms as if to say, "what? You wanna piece of this? Keep coming car! You're gonna get it," and then I knew HE was crazy! I told my husband what I was thinking of saying to him before, & he was like, "what? what if he had a gun? he would totally kill you - he's nuts!" Then I said, "that's why I hate living in the city."

Unbeknownst to him (but totally knownst to me) crazy people are in the country too!

Cindy said...

Do we shop at the same W-M? Sometimes I wonder if there's an "Intellectually Challenged" convention going on every time I go there. Why do I go there? I'm cheap too! (Not the floozy kind of cheap, but the money kind of cheap!) Glad you survived, April.

melissa said...

I was driving down the aisle of Walmart and the sun was in my eyes and I almost hit a couple that were walking right up the center. I told them that I almost hit them that I couldn't see them and they both told me to Fuck right the Hell Off. NO, I'm serious. So I park and get my kids out and here a sream and a bang and someone else had hit them. I waited for the cops to come, "where they couldn't see me" and watched them and the Walmart manager scream and berate the kid that hit their cart. When the cops came I marched my fat ass over and told him that I told them no one could see them and I almost hit them and what they said to me and then I told the cop that I would testify in court against them. and I did and the kid got off with just an accident. I try not to go to Walmart except for 6:00am Sunday morning. The nut jobs are still sleepin it off.
Sorry I ran on and on. And yes I probably am crazy....

Nikki said...

Give it up, April. Go to Office Depot. Pay the extra money. There was nobody there today at 5:00.

Clayvessel said...

"Where did Mommy go?"

"Crazy"

"Well, she didn't have far to go."

Anonymous said...

Okay- so you know what my daughter & I found at that same Wal-Phart, maybe even on the same day? Chicken bones - yep, chicken bones. A little greasy, not quite all the meat eaten off of them, tucked back behind a box of muffin mix. Nice, huh? I know we always see people eating out of the bag at Wal-Phart, but this was a little much.

Thankfully this wasn't on the same day we did our back to school shopping & all 3 of my kids kept saying to me "Mom, it smells in here! Mom this aisle (the school stuff aisle) stinks!!" (Could you all say it a little LOUDER???!)

Okay, so I am not a Wal-Phart fan either.

Glad you're crazy, though, April! Makes me feel like I'm in good company:) Kelli

judy in ky said...

I never, ever, ever, ever go to Walmart. They couldn't PAY me to go to Walmart. Of course, I don't have any kids so I guess I'm exempt.

Anonymous said...

You are not crazy....this kind of thing happens to me all the time. Yesterday a man in the parking lot walked out from between two parked cars right in front of me and if I had not been going two miles an hour I would have hit him. He did not yell at me though because he did not even notice. I wanted to get out of my car, run after him and tell him .. "Are you four, din't your Mother tell you to look both ways before crossing the street??!!! I din't but I wanted to. I also get behind people walking down the middle of the parking lot road. Then they look at you like YOUR the one driving down the sidewalk or something. My favorite by far was the women standing in the middle of the road in the parking lot of starbucks talking on her cell phone. I sat in my car and waited for her to move...she keep on talking so I went around her, slllowwwwly, she turned to walk to the store and almost walked into my car. Then gave me a dirty look. Hello..... Who stands in the road to talk on the phone? Thanks for writing this I am so happy to know that this happens to someone else. You know why people do this stuff....cause they have not figured out yet that they are not the only people in the world!!!!!! Kate

The FarmHouse Triplets said...

OH you are funny. I hate Wal-Phart with a passion. BUT I go there and fight the crowd and mess ... cheap school supplies get me every time!

Tanya

Psuedokim said...

Oh it just makes me all warm and fuzzy inside to read all these WM experiences. This is why I have renamed it the Deathstar. Not only do we live in a college town (Columbia, SC, home of the Gamecock), but our Wmart is also right near the Ft. Jackson army base. I'm keeping notes and one day I will write a full length novel of my experiences at the Deathstar. I've tried to quit a few times, but grocery prices everywhere else are so ridiculous compared to WM, I just can't justify it. It's the Jew in me. Also the poor.

Miss Lila in Atlanta said...

I'm with you. I HATE Wal-Phart!!

You make me laugh. I think you would be a great person to have as a friend. I LOVE farming and canning and all that stuff too.
Keep me smilin' kid.