Monday, August 25, 2008

Yer Daily Dose of Feel Good

If you came here today to feel better about your dumb self, you, my friend,  are in the right spot.  For I am an THE Idiot Extraordinaire.

This week I hung a load of bed linens and blankets and towels out on the line and then my 'Thinkin' Ahead' button got pushed and I said, "Why not start burning some brush?"  Do you know where the burn pile is?  Yep, right next to my clothes line.  Do you know which way the wind was blowing?  Yep, towards the clothes line.  

But I figured it didn't matter  with the fresh air blowing  and I had the kids fold the dry laundry and put it away.  Now I keep smelling smoke in the house and having little panic attacks that the kids are torching each other.  I took a shower and the fresh towel I got out smelled guessed it, smoke.  It was the last towel so I had to use it. 

And then there's this thing.

It's my prepubescent squash plant.  He's saving himself for just the right gal.  He's grown so big and so strong and so handsome but has produced zero offspring.  And like any good mother I am so proud of him that I continue to let him get bigger and stronger.  But what I really want to say to him is, "Please find a female and have some fun.  Babies are good.  I want to eat your babies.  Please go out in the world and spread your seed!"

I'm on the brink of cutting the apron strings here.  By that I mean yank the zero sexed guy straight out of the garden and toss him to the pigs.

And of course there's the rooster.  Clay named him Deacon.  He got the crud beat out of him by the other rooster so now we are letting him roam free.....and wak us up at ungodly hours in the morning.
There's something about having a rooster running around the place that makes me feel official.
And despite his annoying crow, I feel sorry for the guy.  Because, I'm a chicken doctor and I learned early in my training to love all my chickens no matter how much they irritate me.  

That's it for now from Idiotville.  Stay tuned and I might tell you about the time I answered the door straight out of the shower wearing my husband's robe with a hole in the absolute worst place. 


Naomi B said...

Can that story be tomorrow? Please?

Kathy the Receptionist said...

I spilled 5lbs of sugar on my kitchen floor. Going to have to throw some tea bags and water down there.

Jenni said...

I'm sure I have stories that could make you feel better about yourself, but I can't make them sound so funny. For instance, I recently discovered that one of the weeds I've been allowing to grow in large clumps around our yard as an "accent plant" because of its delicate, pretty foliage is common ragweed. I bet my farming neighbors have been having a good laugh as I struggled to mow around it!

I love the sound of a rooster crowing in the morning and I'm an early riser anyway. I also love that line, "Babies are good. I want to eat your babies." I think I will start just randomly repeating that. With the ragweed gone I need to give the neighbors something new to talk about.

Karen Deborah said...

You aren't the only idiot. I once barbecued near the sheets, yup meat. Had to wash everything again.
Chcikens that roam free are ahppy chickens.
Jenni- weeds are just unwanted plants. Aside from the allergy component, noticing foliage is to your credit. Most of these plants were brought here by the pilgrims for medicinal qualities. Now we call them weeds. They planted dandelions on purpose!

Kitty Bo said...

You may feel sorry for that rooster, but don't turn your back on him. We had 2 barred rock roosters named Gilbert & Sullivan. Sullivan was very handsome and VERY EVIL. We found a home for him. That left Gilbert. One day I saw Gilbert running up the hill with his neck stretched high. Following was my husband with a load of small pieces of wood that he was flinging (without success) at Gilbert. They disappeared down the hill. Gilbert had jumped on and spurred our then 5 year old son. We found a home for Gilbert.

Tracey said...

Thanks for the funny :)
Don't worry we all do silly things!

Rhea said...

Oh, no! The robe story sounds promising. hehe

Your squash bush just hasn't found the right lady yet, I guess. I mean, lady bush.

You crack me up. This comment sucks, but you made me laugh. Thanks.

Melody said...

"We found a home for Gilbert."
Yep, I find good homes for my mean roosters too...on the dinner table with mashed potatoes and corn on the cob. ;-)

And perk up, April, those blossoms on your squash plant means that he is settling down and preparing himself for his baby offspring that you will eat! Congratulations!

Jenn said...

"I want to eat your babies" .... that made me laugh so hard, somehow it just doesn't sound right, does it ..... *chuckle*

Anonymous said...

You are so funny - I love your blog!

Molly said...

So, is Deacon the rooster that attacked you when you were, ahem, trapped in the chicken coop? That you so bravely let your kids re-enact?

Living on the Spit said...

I have always wanted a chicken as my very own to love him, and hug him, and squeeze him...I want more of the story too.

amy said...

You aren't alone in your idiot world. This idiot poured diesel fuel into my JDeere gas mower the other day. Ooops!
Honey what is that black smoke coming from the mower?

Doris said...

April..I can sympathise with you about the rooster..A neighbour had given us 2 pullets and a rooster. He had 6 and something had gotten in his pen and killed 3 of them...sooo since we had a good pen we ended up with the last 3..Yesterday morning at 6:20 the dog started barking like crazy..Guess what ? The poor rooster was just learning to crow ! 6:20 this morning he did it again ! He is no longer among the living !Thank God hens don't crow !

KP said...

Please, please do not get rid of the squash bush - if 'he' won't produce babies, then cook the blossoms - they are wonderful!