Saturday, August 18, 2007

TBLDBT

It's 5:00 in the morning and I'm sitting here wondering if anyone is going to come to our gar..er, I mean MOVING SALE!!!  I have spent way more time and energy than I care to admit getting ready for it and all I have to show for it is a driveway full of cra...er, I mean amazing stuff that deserves a better home than the big-long-dark-brown tur....er I mean Baby Ruth.


Oh, here's a good story for you;

The other day a very nice woman came to the house to look at some of the furniture we're selling.  She had her 13 and 9 year old daughters with her.  I led her through the long house winding this way and that and she commented, "Wow, this house just keeps going and going."  That's when I should have just said, "hmm-mmm" while I was striking my best Vanna pose to display the bookcase we are selling, but no, instead I blurted out in my great hick way, "Yeah, I know!  We like to call it the big-long-dark-brown-(and for a brief millisecond I paused wondering if I should say turd or Baby Ruth, but of course I said) TURD!".  That's when the woman gasped and with eyes wider than a deer caught in the headlights of a Mac Truck and she whipped her hands over her 9 year old daughters ears.  But, the damage was already done, the poor little girl's ears are now soiled with the filthy word, turd.  Turd.  

I spent the rest of that day wondering if turd is a bad word.  I put it in the same category as poop, dooky, stinky and potty.  But maybe I need to elevate it to the next level on my content advisory.  It doesn't belong with my cuss words that I'm allowed to say because they're in the bible like; ass, damn, hell and bastard, soooo where does turd belong?  Oh, I've got so many answers to that question...but let's not go there.  See?  I do censor myself fairly well.  But, I'm obviously still a potty mouth.  Turd is the word heard.  TURD!

11 comments:

Rechelle said...

April, April, April... So did she buy any furniture after the turd incident?

Anonymous said...

April, you made me laugh out loud at this post. :) I hope that your sale goes well.
--annie

Mark said...

That was *really* funny.

Them Country Folk: said...

I'm laughing. If the worst that 9 y/o has been exposed to is the word "turd," she's got a lot of learning to do. :)

cndymkr said...

Turd? I wouldn't have covered my son's ears. It's not a bad work like a curse but it's crude. It is descriptive and very funny when you use it but not a word I use.
jean

Jill said...

My mother-in-law hates that word too, but I think it's hysterical. I use it as much as humanly possible. I pretty much all my son nothing else. But, then, my parents always taught me that "butt" was a bad word, and I still have friends to this day that make fun of a time in fourth grade when one friend called another a "butthead" and I gasped in shock and dismay at such a dirty mouth.

jennifer said...

Potty mouth. Potty mouth. You're a little potty mouth!

Seriously, I just chuckled thinking about the horrified woman and her precious innocent 9 yo d. Really funny.

Stefanie said...

April - Clay regaled some of us from the office with this story. We were hysterical! And it's still funny, reading your retelling of it.

Crystal said...

That's hilarious. I'd be surprised if that was the first time the nine year old heard the word turd... Now go wash that potty mouth out with soap. ;o)

iloveupstate.com said...

I used to the word "turd" at the Vets office the other day to describe what my cat was & wasn't doing. The Vet looked shocked by the word. This look of shock from a man who spends half his day with his fingers up a cat's ass. AND lives in NYC the capital of naughty words (well, we battle Detroit for the placement). I was shocked at his shock of TURD.
--Jean

PS. Your sister's "visual verification" on her blog spends more time not working than working...can you kick her butt? I had a great post that wouldn't load but alas she will never see it.

Anonymous said...

there are some kids who are allowed to here those words but not an eleven year old named your son seth do not say those words mom no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!