Loathing Thee Poison Ivy

This is my arsenal. If there were nine or ten other products that tout the ability to fight the evil poison ivy....I would buy them. Dear goodness gracious sakes it ITCHES! The desperation to relieve the itch and burn is indescribable.

I started out using Ivarest. It takes away the itch and soothes, but it's pink and greasy and has some sort of Menthol in it so when I had it on my face it made my eyes water and that makes my nose run, like I needed a couple more problems to enhance my beautiful pussy face . I had the Ivarest smeared all over my face and had just washed it all off, because I had to go to a meeting with lots of other adults and I didn't really want to be pink-greasy-menthol-watery eyed-runny nose face woman. Clay walks into the bathroom right after I washed my face and I asked, "Does it look bad?" And he said, "Yes. It looks terrible. Wash the medicine off." After I told him I didn't have any medicine on there was a long silent pause where he stared at my face like I was some sort of hideous creature, then he said, "Gaw, I don't like the way that looks." Love, pure love that's what I get from him every day people.

Next, I went to Cortaid. This stuff is used in the shower like a scrub, then you spray that clear liquid on after you dry off. The scrub is good, it takes away the itch and supposedly binds with the oil of the poison ivy. Here's the kicker, the spray contains alcohol. My face was scraped raw from the scrub. Raw face + Spritz of Alcohol = Hysterical Screaming Woman. I got to the point where I would stand in front of the mirror with the spray aimed at my face and I couldn't pull the trigger. I'd give myself the count down...okay, on the count of 3, ready..1......2..................3AHHH, OUCH, OHMYGODNOITBURNS....ugh...the humanity. It's also really sticky until it dries. Like gummy, so you can't get dressed for a few minutes. It does work and when I was battling Poison Ivy a couple months ago this is all I used.

After a week of using Ivarest and Cortaid the Poison Ivy had started to spread to my arms, legs, back, side and belly button and yes, my buttock. I decided I had to give in and try something else. I bought Zanfel. It's not cheap folks, it costs $40. My only other option was to go to the doctor and that would cost a lot more than 40 smackers, but I think most normal people would have made an appointment, received a nice prescription of prednisone and resumed their lives. Have I ever told you how determined I am to fix things by myself? Have I ever mentioned that I'm a bit stubborn? Good qualities to have, but maybe not when my skin is starting to fall prey to oozing sores. Okay, so back to Zanfel. This stuff works. It's also a scrub that you use in the shower, but there's no nasty, sticky, alcohol spray to use afterward. If you have dry skin, like me, you will swear you've been in the Mojave Desert having every ounce of liquid drained from your skin. My face was so dry I resorted to using the greasiest lotion we own and then reapplying a couple times a day. The insanity.

It's been about two weeks since the initial onset (which I thought were mosquito bites on my chin...dumb, dumb, dumb woman) and I'm still battling a couple spots on my arm and legs. I'm just about out of Zanfel, but I think I'll make it.

I didn't resort to using this, but I wanted to, I really really wanted to.

So, there ya go, everything you wanted to know about treating Poison Ivy the April way. I've heard lye soap works wonders, I'll add that to my arsenal next time. Where did I get the Poison Ivy, you ask? I think from my barn cats. I was sitting outside and one of them hopped up on my lap and rubbed under my chin. Dang cats.