Hey Crate and Barrel,
Come on in, shut the door behind you, we need to talk.
What's happening to you?
Remember when I used to get your little catalog in the mail and store it in the bathroom so I would have something lovely to look at while I was, um..uh..well, you know, pppppossibly bored?
Well, the last couple catalogs you sent out, were not worth wiping my bbbbathroom sink. You see, I'm an adult, a grown woman with a teensy weensy bit of design knowledge. Yes, I know I still have my childish attributes, I am foolish and tactless, sometimes I pick out stupid things that don't match or look ridiculous and well, that doesn't matter right now, what I'm getting at is you have a problem, not me.
Let's get right to the point. You're bedding looks like it belongs in a college dorm room, in Hong Kong. When I go to Hong Kong and visit a college I would like to see those duvet covers on a twin sized bed with bamboo flooring and rice paper doors. Really. But I don't live in Hong Kong and you don't live in Hong Kong, so how about you try marketing bedding for us Midwesterners? Or, more specifically, tall, Kansas woman looking for the perfect duvet for her tiny farmhouse bedroom? Hmmm? It should be soft, delicate, but say whimsical. Color choices should lend from barn red, sky blue, brown bark, limestone yellow. Does that help?
Good. Oh, don't go yet we still need to talk about the ottoman. Yes, you heard me, the ottoman.
Who is going to buy those whacked out wicker/rattan orbular ottoman things that look like a grapevine with a migraine?
Who are you marketing to? Come on now. I know you want to keep it real, fun, lively, metro. Whatever. I'm letting you get away with not having any rugs that I like, remember when you used to carry pretty rugs? Those were good times. I loved looking at those yummy braided rugs in rich fall colors while I was pppputing my thoughts into perspective. Oh, those were the days.
Listen CB, can I call you CB? We're friends right? So, take my advice, keep your cuteness. I know you love your martini, club hopping and high heels. But, don't change everything that has made you the wonderfulness that you are.
Now, here, blow your nose, call your designers and do what you do best. Cuteness. And call me anytime, I'm here for you.