Sunday, January 13, 2008

Crate and Barrel, we need to talk.

Hey Crate and Barrel,

Come on in, shut the door behind you, we need to talk.  

What's happening to you?  

Remember when I used to get your little catalog in the mail and store it in the bathroom so I would have something lovely to look at while I was, um..uh..well, you know, pppppossibly bored?

Well, the last couple catalogs you sent out, were not worth wiping my bbbbathroom sink.  You see, I'm an adult, a grown woman with a teensy weensy bit of design knowledge.  Yes, I know I still have my childish attributes, I am foolish and tactless, sometimes I pick out stupid things that don't match or look ridiculous and well, that doesn't matter right now, what I'm getting at is you have a problem, not me.

Let's get right to the point.  You're bedding looks like it belongs in a college dorm room, in Hong Kong.  When I go to Hong Kong and visit a college I would like to see those duvet covers on a twin sized bed with bamboo flooring and rice paper doors.  Really.  But I don't live in Hong Kong and you don't live in Hong Kong, so how about you try marketing bedding for us Midwesterners?  Or, more specifically, tall, Kansas woman looking for the perfect duvet for her tiny farmhouse bedroom?  Hmmm?  It should be soft, delicate, but say whimsical.  Color choices should lend from barn red, sky blue, brown bark, limestone yellow.  Does that help?

Good.  Oh, don't go yet we still need to talk about the ottoman.  Yes, you heard me, the ottoman.

Who are you marketing to?   Come on now.   I know you want to keep it real, fun, lively, metro.  Whatever.  I'm letting you get away with not having any rugs that I like, remember when you used to carry pretty rugs?  Those were good times.  I loved looking at those yummy braided rugs in rich fall colors while I was pppputing my thoughts into perspective.  Oh, those were the days.  

Listen CB, can I call you CB?  We're friends right?  So, take my advice, keep your cuteness.  I know you love your martini, club hopping and high heels.  But, don't change everything that has made you the wonderfulness that you are.  

Now, here, blow your nose, call your designers and do what you do best.  Cuteness.  And call me anytime, I'm here for you.

7 comments: said...

Crate & Barrel started another line for the younger/hipper crowd called CB2 and I thimk it's affecting their overall look. I agree, it's been kinda "off" this year.

Have you checked out The Company Store for bedding? Their stuff is wonderful.

Angie said...

Those ottomans look like they belong on a Gilligan's Island set.

jennifer h said...

What about the oh-so-expensive Pottery Barn? They used to carry duvet covers like you are yearning for.

april said...

Upstate, The Company Store has some beautiful quilts, thanks for telling me about them.

Angie, I agree, they are just terrible.

Jennifer, I did look at PB, but I don't want to spend that much money and the offerings on ebay are stupid expensive and have two inch box cuts in them. I think I'm going to end up just making one...dangit.

Cynthia said...

I used to live in Hong Kong. There is no Crate and Barrel. It is a sad shopping experience if you are trying to decorate your house. Or your room if you are 15 like I was. I would have given my right arm for a wal-mart.

Yeah, it was that bad.

Oh, but the clothes shopping? Yeah, it was out of this world!

Pamelotta said...

I have a slight confession to make.

In my rush to get to the meat of this post, I skimmed the title and instead of seeing Crate and Barrel, I read Cracker Barrel. I was thinking, hmmm, didn't know they had a catalog. Didn't know they sold bedding. I just thought they had out of this world biscuits and a neat country store that sold old fashioned toys and candy.

Now I get it! Yes I agree. I used to hold on to my CB catalogs for eons and peruse the pages dreaming of my house full of their furnishings. Now I do that with Pottery Barn.

Becky said...

I was going to suggest The Company Store too. has beautiful quilts too. I buy from them all the time. I'm a quilt addict. (What the heck ARE those ottoman things? They look like desiccated cacti.)