Monday, May 22, 2006

Mommy Hangover

Is this what having a hang over is like?

This morning I woke up with a headache. Not a good start to the day. While I was lying there contemplating the throbbing, Levi had the audacity to nail me in the temple with the corner of a book. "Ooooow! That Hurt!" I screamed and then hurled the book across the room, I'm so mature and I never overreact.

Isaac was a broken record saying, "Can you please make me some oatmeal? You're not in the kitchen making me oatmeal. Okay, now can you make me some oatmeal? Oatmeal.....oatmeal. Make me oatmeal."

Why? Why do they torment me so? I stumbled to the cabinet popped some Advil and made some coffee.

Act I Scene I
(April stumbling around kitchen ranting about filth.)

ring ring

C-How tall is Isaac?
A-I dunno.
C-How much do Seth and Ellen weigh?
A-I dunno, maybe 85 to 90? Why?
C-I'm calculating their adult height.
A-Okay, what did you come up with?
C-Ellen 5'11', Seth 6'7", Isaac 6'8"
(April does not want to think about how difficult and expensive clothing giants will be and is having trouble expressing any sort of glee over her husband's excitement of potentially freakishly tall children)
A-Okay, can I go now?
C-Yeah, let me know how tall Isaac is, kay?
A-Yep, I'll get right to that.
(April proceeds to whine and complain that waking up to a dirty kitchen is the one thing she hates the most....whaaa, whaaaa....Oatmeal, Oatmeal!)

A-What do you want, now?
C-Hi, Sunshine! Are you going to go out of town June.....(lots of mumbo jumbo about dates, trips, walk-a-thon..blah, blah, blah)
A-Are you just going to keep calling me about stupid stuff or are you actually going to do some work today?
C-(continues on about dates, summer, blah, blah)....and to answer your question, no, I am just going to keep calling you and not do any work today.
A-Fabulous, can I go now?
C-Yes, love you honey...line the kids up and give 'em all hugs and kisses for me.
A-Did I tell you I have a gogache (our word for headache).
C-Yes, you mentioned that and I'm sorry.
A-Goodbye. (thundercloud boom over her head)
C-Bye bye! (the rainbow and glitter emitting from the phone line dissipates)

Curtain Closes

Act I Scene II

(April goes to change poopy diaper to discover that the heaping mound of clothes on her bedroom floor has been folded and stacked. Smile.)

E-Mom, I can't find my history test, but I found this book.
A-Clifford goes to Washington!!!! You found it? You get an award. (Library book had been missing for a couple months. Library fines averted once again.)
E-Do I really get an award?
A-Yes! (hugs her daughter and swats her on the bottom) There you go.
E-That's not a reward.
A-Okay, I'll make you one.
E-Really? What kind? When?
A-Ugh! I dunno, now run along little doggie.

to be continued.....for the rest of my life!


Clay said...

I just wanted everyone to know that I do actually work on Mondays. I should get started around 3:30p or so.

And I'm not certifying those heights, I do not have complete information...kind of waiting on, um, yea.

mj said...

Funny post.

melanie said...

Clay, don't you get off work at 3:30??

april said...

I wish! And you so funny har har

Anonymous said...

Gee, I so miss those days of chaos. I think I will retreat to the flower garden now and plant those flowers I have been keeping alive for about 2 weeks. They are looking so ill. Love the running commentary of "Life with the Phillips" from a very witty woman. Glad you have such a great sense of humor. That will get you far in life--it keeps you from going crazy.j Why are your eyes so glazed over April? ;>) Joanie

Anonymous said...

In my opinion, Ellen is going to be taller than 5'11". Don't girls usually end up somewhere between the heights of the parents? I am exactly between my petite mom and 6'3" dad. What equation do you use? Just wondering.

And, I love your blogging about being a mom with a headache. My house totally falls apart on days when I have headache haze.
-- annie :)