Sunday, April 27, 2008

I once had a dog that was emancipated.

Language.  It's something we all use.  Some of us use it better than others.  Some of us disregard well founded grammar rules.  Pronunciation and definitions are meaningless dribble.  Some of us are far to creative or, dare I say, lazy to use words properly.  Some of us like to make up our own vocabulary and expect everyone to comprehend our violent slaughter of the English language.   


I, myself suffer violent bouts of language slaughter, mostly after a visit with my beloved parents.  Usually, it's my mom that makes up words.  Like last week she told me that a lady in her church was at home suffering from 'epa-plasia'.  I hadn't heard of this 'epa-plasia', but I thought that the old lady must be on her death bed for sure.  Later, I figured out it was a young woman in her third tri-mester that had preeclampsia.  There is no way in hell Mom will ever be able to remember the word preeclampsia or be able to pronounce it, so from now on if a lady is suffering from the dreaded preeclamsia it will forever be known as epa-plasia.

A few weeks ago my dad and I were sitting in the parking lot of the local custard joint enjoying our frozen treats and watching a couple walking their Standard Poodle.  Dad and I admired the dog and reminisced about our own Standard Poodle, Thunder, that had been our family pet when I was growing up.  Then, it happened,  Dad innocently threw out this wing-dinger.....

"Yeah, poor Thunder, he sure did get emancipated in his old age."

What?  Thunder was emancipated?  From what?  "Dad?  I think you mean emaciated."  

"What?  Emanciated?"

"No, e-ma-ciated."

"Oh.  Well, I guess he was both."

Mom and Dad also say these words: End-dustry, Choir-practor, Eye-talion and my favorite Warshington.

Thanks Mom and Dad.  I needed something to write about today.  I love you best.

Your Favorite and Prettiest Daughter, 

April


20 comments:

Rechelle said...

These are my golds for the day.

Warsh
Arn
Drive to Kohbee

Coffee Bean said...

My oldest daughter is dyslexic and she often says things incorrectly. She's never been able to say "presidential" she always says "povidential." A lot of her mispronounciations have become favs... especially the ones from when she was little that we still say ourselves...

Wuzzy do wa? (what's wrong)
brulella (umbrella)
bodations (dalmations)

Pamelotta said...

My husband's uncle is always doing that kind of stuff. Then he tried to get all smart on us. While camping, we were making pancakes from a box of Krust Eze and he started pronouncing it Kroost Oz thinking it was a German brand or something. We laughed so hard. We still call it Kroost oz just for him!

Angie said...

My mother apparently made up phrases...for example, I had no idea that "get around" wasn't commonly used to mean "get ready for bed" until after I was married. I was dumbfounded when my husband didn't understand when I told him I was going to "get around." Maybe he thought I was casually informing him of my plans to be promiscuous. I tell my kids at night it's time for them to get around, so I'm proudly passing the confusion on to another generation.

Also, my mom likes to turn nouns into verbs..."oh, I've just been lap-topping tonight, checking my e-mail..."

renovationtherapy said...

When my Mom started dating her boyfriend Joe she mentioned that he had a daughter that was a paraplegic.

Imagine our surprise when we met Joe and he told us about his daughter who is a paralegal - and a trained ballet dancer.

This weekend I bookmarked your blog for my Mom so she may or may not see this and I may or may not get a call...LOL

Becky said...

Dribble? Do you mean drivel? lol
;-) Just yanking your chain.
My mom will "axe" you questions and put "par ME see ann" cheese on your pasta. lol

April said...

You all are killing me.

Jean, the paralegal thing nearly made me wet myself.

Anonymous said...

April and Rechelle,
I think you should know - your Mama inherited her vocabulary talents from my Mama - her Aunt Ruth.
Our son's favorite example was when Mom told him that his sister wanted to be a meteorite (meaning meteorologist)! We miss those "Ruthisms"almost as much as we miss Mom.
Love both your blogs,
Your Mom's Cousing, Dixie

Leah said...

Ooh! I love them choir-practors. My daddy's one!

Robbyn said...

lol! when you get emancipated, do they take you to the hospital in an Am-bu-LANCE?

My ex had a word that cracked us up...he didnt know how to pronounce the word "elixir" and would say "ell-ex-EER" One time he was public speaking and mentioned that something was the "ell-ex-EER" of life...cracked me up ;-)

Oh yeah, and how about going to Krogers, rather than Kroger?

Karen Deborah said...

hahahahahaaaaahhhhheeeeeee LOL.
BWAWWWWHHHHHHAAAA I nearly fell out the first time I heard someone out here say they had
die-ah-bee-teees and had to be carried to the dawkter, meaning they got a ride in the car. I had so much trouble understanding people that I went and bought a hearing aide. I found out that it wasn't my hearing it was the pronucsikations. The hearing aide is in a drawer some where.

Coffee Bean said...

Come play my Dirty Little Secret game!

Jenni said...

My MIL makes up some wacky pronunciations for words. She says oldtimers instead of alzheimers and really believes that is correct. TCBY (The Country's Best Yogurt) was never an acronym it was always Tokebee Yogurt. She has passed down her pronunciation of especially (expecially) to her son and her grandchildren and I can't fix it no matter how often I correct them. Being from Kansas makes it worse with the whole warsh, hambooger, and crown (for crayon) mess. There are many more and I can see now that I should start keeping track of them for future blog fodder.

muddy mama said...

Around here instead of asking "Paper or plastic?" grocery cashiers simply ask if you'd like a "beg".
I'm always tempted to say "Yes, please. On your knees now and make it good."

Katharine said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Maria said...

I am usually at your sisters blog, but came over here via one of your comments.

You've described my parents. Were your parents and my parents seperated at birth??
So my dad consistently says "IT-lee" and "sim U lar" and my mom and her sisters (also separated at birth??) say "warsh clarth" for washcloth. And my mom does choir practic (a singing back doctor?) and "parm EE ZEE AN" cheese, too. Dang, they were taken before I could mention them...

This could be the reason my daughter confused the words mentor and centaur the other day. Genetic word issues.

Clay said...

that's funny stuff.

my wife always says seal when she is pointing at the lower part of a window, and we usually have to travel up and over those dang heals.

and then there is that game "King of the Hill" that she and her sister call "King of the Mountain" probably to avoid saying "King of the Heal" but really because she is from western Kansas where anything over three and a half feet high counts as an insurmountable summit.

oh...wait, you are my wife, so I guess you already know all that.

ShackelMom said...

Oh yes, my great aunt's father died of muldible-scolosis, and she tended to get sick too but usually felt better after the doctor put her on 'biotics.' She always wished she could go to Hawaya, but the flyin' would have got on her nerves. She also had to be carful not to it in a draff because made her artheritis act up.

Lynne's Somewhat Invented Life said...

I wrote a post called, Things We Call by the Wrong Names a couple of days ago. Since then I've thought of more. It's funny and even though some of them are hokey we still use them. It's tradition, I guess. And we all know how important traditions are, people play violins from rooftops to show us how important they are.

Now if I just played the violin. the view up there must be spectacular. Maybe I'll take lessons.

merideth said...

i know this is an old post and you probably will not see my comment, but i just stumbled upon your blog and could not resist.

i laughed so hard reading your post (and the comments) i almost wet my undies b/c the language sounds exactly like my in-laws.

is it possible what i've always assumed was kinsley ks language is really a widely accepted patois?