My Facts of Life

Fact- If you go to the store wearing those old jeans you've had for the last decade, have three festering  zits and choose to do nothing with your hair or make-up.... you will see at least a dozen people you know, half of which you can't remember their names but they will make it a point to yell your name across the store, even though you are certain that in your state of ugliness you are completely unrecognizable.

Fact- not one living person that is not related to you will come to your house when it is clean.

Fact- your kids will always take a crap right before a workman asks to use your restroom and you have no way of proving it wasn't you that made the stink.

Fact- The phone will always ring when you are in the bathroom and sometimes your kids will say, "She's going poop right now...."

Fact- The day you choose to stay in you PJ's until noon, someone will knock on the door.

Fact- The day you choose to sleep in, someone will knock on the door.

Fact- Your car will die in the most inconvenient places possible, like when you are first in the carpool lane.

Fact- When you are trying to make an impressive dinner for someone, it will taste like a salt lick.

Fact- But, if you don't give a rip about what you're serving, it will be the most awesome dinner ever and the people eating it are your kids.

Fact- That awesome dinner came out of a box.

Fact- Your underwear is showing.

Fact- Your zipper is undone.

Fact- Always assume the dog poop smell is coming from your shoe.

Fact- Your kid will cut  a minuscule hole in the curtains you spent four days making.

Fact- Taking a peaceful bath will not happen until your are, well, dead.