Monday, April 14, 2008

My Facts of Life

Fact- If you go to the store wearing those old jeans you've had for the last decade, have three festering  zits and choose to do nothing with your hair or make-up.... you will see at least a dozen people you know, half of which you can't remember their names but they will make it a point to yell your name across the store, even though you are certain that in your state of ugliness you are completely unrecognizable.

Fact- not one living person that is not related to you will come to your house when it is clean.

Fact- your kids will always take a crap right before a workman asks to use your restroom and you have no way of proving it wasn't you that made the stink.

Fact- The phone will always ring when you are in the bathroom and sometimes your kids will say, "She's going poop right now...."

Fact- The day you choose to stay in you PJ's until noon, someone will knock on the door.

Fact- The day you choose to sleep in, someone will knock on the door.

Fact- Your car will die in the most inconvenient places possible, like when you are first in the carpool lane.

Fact- When you are trying to make an impressive dinner for someone, it will taste like a salt lick.

Fact- But, if you don't give a rip about what you're serving, it will be the most awesome dinner ever and the people eating it are your kids.

Fact- That awesome dinner came out of a box.

Fact- Your underwear is showing.

Fact- Your zipper is undone.

Fact- Always assume the dog poop smell is coming from your shoe.

Fact- Your kid will cut  a minuscule hole in the curtains you spent four days making.

Fact- Taking a peaceful bath will not happen until your are, well, dead.


cndymkr / jean said...

Seriously, you have to stop talking about my life.

The SullaVinos: said...

Okay, I am laughing so hard at the crap/bathroom/worker one. I feel like telling the dudes who just finished our hardwoods, "That wasn't me! I swear! The bathroom was clean before X family member just used it!"

Cynthia said...

Tomorrow I would like a list of the "Fiction".

I prefer to live in a fantasy world.

...Look Tattoo, here comes the plane...

Cynthia said...


You take the good, you take the bad
You take them all and then you have The Facts of Life, The Facts of Life

If the world never seems to be livin' up to your dreams and suddenly...

That is all I remember of it. How smart of you to write posts that have theme songs. And how grateful you should be this this conversation happenned in the blogoshpere rather than on the telephone cause you really do not want to hear me singing The Facts of Life theme song!

noble pig said...

I always lock the downstairs bathroom door before I have people over so that the kids cannot get in there and stink it up. Otherwise they would poop before every party.

Rechelle said...

My sister is stinkin' hilarious.

Lori Shaffer said...

Loved it, April. Very funny! I miss you.