Weekly Bruise Update

Last week it was, and still is, a big purple-black-green whopper on the bottom of my foot from planting my big honkin' self on top of a sharp edged toy. I'd like to tell you what toy, like it was a block or Lego or train, but I was too blinded by pain when I stooped down to pick it up and hurl it at the wall while screaming, "DAMN KIDS!". They were all upstairs sleeping like angels, so I sat on the train table and whimpered while I held my foot. I would have kissed it, but I spend too much time with my foot in my mouth as it is.

This week, in fact just moments ago, I inflicted what could be several bruises to my left side while falling off the driveway. Do you see my banner? Yeah, it's still icy, snowy and freakin' cold here. I tried to take my daughter to school, but then realized no fool is going to take their kids to classes in this. So, I went to the store to stock up on things like milk, bread and hair products. Ellen begged me not to go down the driveway. I parked at the top and we unloaded most of the groceries and started our treacherous descent. I made Ellen promise to carry me to the house if I fell and broke my leg. I was starting to slide just a bit to much on the black top and thought a wiser choice would be to walk in the ditch where the leaves and sticks could at least give a bit of traction. I immediately fell down in the ditch. "Did you break your leg?" asked my daughter. "No, but thanks for your concern. I think I killed the bread."

I pulled myself back onto the driveway and equalized the weight of my grocery sacks. "Okay, here we go, baby steps, baby steps...ahhhhhh, ahhhhhh,(breath) ahhhhh,ahhhhhh!!!" When I stopped sliding, skiing and screaming all I could hear was my daughter's laughter behind me. I made it down the hill, but she was still inching herself along the slope.

We made it into the house and my son greeted me with the news that all classes had been canceled. Now, as I sit and defrost I can feel some stinging on my left leg and my shoulder feels a bit sore. I wonder how much damage I inflicted to myself? I didn't buy any Advil, so I might need to drink the entire bottle of infant Motrin.