Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Fried Ham

We went to Mark Twain Lake for a relaxing vacation. However when we got home, I was really tired and every muscle in my body was a bit on the sore side because I water skied one day and I'm very out of shape.

I love to water ski and I love to drive a speed boat, deep in my heart I was meant to live close to a lake and be out on the water doing sporty things, but the Good Lord forgot to give me the skin to go with the water-baby lifestyle. It's just not fair, but actually it is fair....get it? Fair? Like fair skin? No? You all have no sense of humor.

My husband is even fairer than I. His skin sizzles within a mere moment of being exposed to sunlight. I've never seen a man slather on spf 50 as efficiently as Clay and then still have a blood-red burn on his neck and face. If you come to our house in need of sunscreen you will find it in no less than 30 spf and located in the laundry room, van, truck, swim bag, purse, and all the bathrooms. We pride ourselves on skin protection. The sun is our enemy and sunscreen, clothing and hats are our weapons.

Seth has been learning why sunscreen is so important this summer. He has sported a few good burns because of his lack of enthusiasm against sunscreen. Therefore, he has a very cute freckly face.
This kid can light a dark path with his whiteness. He's easy to spot in a crowd of bronze skinned children. He can make the palest person look like they've been to a tanning bed.

We don't have to buy white tights for our daughter so milky are her legs, she's practically translucent.
We've managed to save our children from the fried-raw-hamburger skin that Clay and I suffered through as children. Our kids complain and whimper when they get a little red on their shoulders or nose and Clay and I just look at them and say, "You have no idea how a real sunburn feels, no idea."

One year probably when I was in third grade I came home after a weekend at the lake with every exposed body part fried to a blister. My armpits, behind my knees, the insides of my ears, my scalp, belly, back....all fried. I was burned so bad I got the shivers and took a hot bath but couldn't make the water hot enough. I walked around the house in a pair underwear with my skin slathered with greasy Solar Cain. When the cleaning lady came over I regretfully slipped on my scratchy light green polyester robe and lay on the couch. She gasped when she saw me and wondered why I wasn't at the hospital. Oh, Lord then came the peeling. I think I could have slid out of my skin and people wouldn't have noticed I left the room. Some parts of me peeled several times before my skin finally decided it was healed. That was the summer that I got freckles on my arms and legs. Skin cancer seems imminent for me. Hopefully God will spare me that and just leave me freckled and wrinkled.




10 comments:

Rechelle said...

Remember that time I went skiing and burned my lips so bad that they swelled up and I couldn't eat. A few days later I literally peeled my lips off in big blistery hunks.

april said...

Yes Rechelle, I remember that you were hideous. I also remember the cool leather mittens and glacier goggles you bought....maybe you should have spent your money on sunscreen.

Caffeine Addict said...

Too cute! I wish you were my neighbor. When I go outside covered up in 30 spf and my wide-brimmed hat to do the weeding and yard work, I get that "Really, is that necessary?" look from my leather-skinned neighbors. :)

~*~ Jennifer ~*~ said...

Ohh... memories.

Once my shins got extremely burned. I wore panty hose to work -- and at the end of the day -- they were holding the fluid in. When I peeled off the panty hose -- there came my skin. NICE!!

Oh my goodness... now I'll probably have night mares...

Cass said...

I totally got your joke. I had a burn so bad one year as a child that people didn't recognize me when I was standing next to my mother.

Muddy Mama said...

My husband likes to say that I'm so white, I'm glow-in-the-dark. That's when I lean over and kick, oops, I mean KISS him and tell him that I prefer to be called luminous.

Muddy Mama said...

By the way, when you stopped by and left that kind comment, you made my daughter's day. She hopped, yes hopped, around the house shouting "I'm famous!"

lori said...

yay for skin protection! we also have 900 bottles/tubes/sticks of sunscreen around our house. it's all for the bug, though. i keep forgetting to put it on me (i'm italian, so this is kinda okay...okay, not really cuz i'm starting to wrinkle, dammit). the bug actually LIKES us to spray her with her sunscreen...she'll bring us the bottle so we can do it again. i hope this trend continues :-)

your family is beautiful!

jennifer said...

Being another "fair" person, I can relate. I used to tell my swarthy high school friends that my legs don't tan or burn, they "bleach." I had a good friend from another country when I was a young singleton in south Florida who said, "Oh, Jenn-ee-fur, I love your creamy white legs. I wish I could have legs like that." She was serious. BTW, the rest of me burns.

cndymkr said...

I was told that my child's name would have to Casper because my husband and I are so white. I got the fair skin Irish genes and not the nice tan skin of the Polish side. As a teen I tried tanning salons and the ever popular burn and peel routine. I've learned that it's best to just hide inside and go out after the sun sets.
jean