Monday, April 06, 2009

What the heck is a blouse?

I have a very good friend that is a decade younger than me. She's a lot like a little sister because on occasion she will email me a picture of her in an outfit and ask, "Does this look good together?" And I love her so much and trust that she will still love me after I say,"NO! Don"t ever wear that, ever."

Today she emailed me a photo of her in an outfit that I told her she couldn't wear right now, because it's not right for the season. Then I told her to look for a blouse and a jacket. Her reply was, "What the heck is a blouse?"

And that is when I had to pause and wonder if our age gap makes me an old person that doesn't know anything about fashion. Because I still believe that you can't wear white or open toed shoes until after Memorial Day. I also try to stick with light on the top and dark on the bottom.

After all I didn't take Mrs. Short's clothing class in high school for nothing. I learned a lot of valuable information in that class. However, it was 1988 and there is a slight possibility that some of those critical fashion faux pas are now, in fact, fashionable.

But, for my friend's sake and for my daughter, whom has no fashion sense AT ALL, I thought I would write a list of fashion rules that I try not to break and therefore everyone should probably do the exact opposite.

1. Never wear boots past March, except cowboy boots.

2. Never wear white shoes or carry a white purse until after Memorial Day. Um, I might be carrying a white purse with big colorful flowers on it right now.

3. Never wear jeans to church on Sunday. Clay, Seth and Isaac wore jeans to church yesterday. sigh

4. Never wear a dark bra under a light shirt. Do we need to talk about April's bra debacle of the past few months? I found myself wearing a sports bra under a sweater a couple of days ago giving me a nice flat uni-boob look.

5. Never wear a sports bra under a sweater.

6. You can wear jeans that are from the 70's but not the 80's or 90's.

7. Just say no to acid wash.

8. Never give away any jewelry because it will come back in fashion.

9. If you don't wear something for a year get rid of it.

10. Hunt down all the stuff you got rid of because it is now in fashion.

11. Keep everything.

12. If it's old call it vintage.

13. If it's new call it chic.

14. If it's torn call it shabby.

15. If it's stained call it grunge.

16. Only old people call shirts blouses.

17. Underwear for boys.

18. Panties for girls.

19. Boxers for guys.

20 Thongs for flossing.

21. Bras should be optional and made with chicken feathers and bailing twine.

22. Having one pair of decent jeans will force you to wear skirts or old sweat pants everyday.

23. Challenging yourself not to buy new clothes for nearly a year will cause you to gain weight.

24. Gaining too much fat in your bodacious areas will decrease the amount of pants that fit over your soft jiggly parts.

25. Excuse me while I curl into a fetal position and cry for a few days.......never mind I'm too chubby to curl into a ball.......I'll just recline on the couch in my tight jeans and whimper for a bit.......never mind....I can't bend over.....or breath.....

26. Sweat pants are God's gift to a chubby housewife. Wear them everyday.

27. Wear whatever the heck you want.

28. I hate clothes.

29. I'm never getting dressed again.

30. Never ask me a fashion question.


Clayvessel said...

How about girls wearing a camisole type top over another shirt to make it modest? Someone close to me does this and it makes me gag. I've seen others do it too.

Someone give them a clue.

Anonymous said...

HA ha ha ha ha
I have two pair of pants, one are sweats! I'm consantly telling my husband I can't go anywhere til my pants are dry. I think I'll just where my nighty every where.

Anonymous said...

All too funny, but 26? LOL. Sometimes there's nothing else that works. Physically or mentally.

Molly said...

You've done it again. I'm laughing out lout at work and they are all looking at me funny. [sigh] Anyway, I thought it was wear white after Easter. Because I've been limited in my spring work clothes choices and I was thinking I only had to make it to Easter and I could wear my white dress pants to work. And that white suit. But since winter has blasted back through the South, maybe I should wear my boots with my white suit and it will average out?

Gladys said...

April will be speaking for me today.

That is all.

Rosie_Kate said...

I am... um... in my twenties... so I'm going to chime in on this-- I just don't get it. I've never understood the whole things about wearing white and open-toed shoes and memorial day and labor day and what the hippie??? When I first heard something about that rule years ago, I thought, "Huh? Is it disrespectful to the dead or something?"

And yes, only old people say "blouse".

Lisa said...

I'm eating lunch at my desk and nearly spit my food everywhere when I got to #20. HA! Thank God I work by myself.

Joy said...

ALl I can say is Amen - Amen - Amen.

Shannan Martin said...

This post is now in my top ten list of favorite posts of all blogs of all time. Did you get that?

ps- A few weeks ago I put jeans on after my shower (as opposed to sweats) and my 3 year old panicked and asked, "Where are you going, Mommy?"

pss- The rule is actually no white "pocketbooks" until after Memorial Day. :)

April said...

Pocketbooks!! Oh, my gosh, I forgot about pocketbooks! That's what my mom and grandma always called their billfolds. Billfold. I don't think people say billfold anymore.

I am an old geezer.

Molly said...

Is it bad that I'm sitting here wearing white open toed boots, a white purse, acid wash jeans, a sports bra under a white linen shirt?

KIDDING! Boy wouldn't that be a sight??

But I did break rule #1 only because there was 3 inches of snow on the ground this morning.

Pam said...

I'm laughing out loud right now. In the library. People are looking at me like I'm a freak.

I can so relate to the jeans issue. You can always try expanding them with a rubber band through the button hole! :)

My son's name is Isaac, too. Not that you care - but for some freaked out reason that I can't quite figure, I get all excited inside when I hear someone else with that name.

OK. That's enough rambling from me. I love your blog.

Lil Sis said...

You are hilarious. Loved your rules! Out here in Southern Cali-for-ni-a we wear jeans to our church on Sunday. No Problem. I love it. Even our Pastor does, sometimes. The ole California Casual look.

Jean Martha said...

OK, on Wednesday's all clothing is half price at the Salvation Army. You can get a pair of jeans that are regularly $4 for $2. I am sending you $2.

Also, you made me giggle & snort.

Donna Boucher said...

I hear ya.

My college girl wears flip flops all year and sweat shirts in the summer.

It's very odd.

She knows I know nothing about fashion because I am 50.
But I think I am Mr. Blackwell.
So there.

Becky Meyers said...

LOL i agree with #'s 23 and 24!!

April said...

My bday is this week so my ban on new clothes is about to lift and I am going to go purchase me some new duds. I'm also browsing around on ebay for my size in jeans.

km said...

Rambling thoughts.
Have you ever heard someone call pants slacks?
They still say pocketbooks in the Northeast.
Also in this part of our state you shouldn't wear opentoed shoes to work, also they frown on lack of pantyhose/nylons.
What do you say then if you tell someone they're a "big girl's blouse"

April said...

Yes, I say slacks and pants. You have to wear nylons?! Ick. I wear them when I'm cold or need to suck in the flab.

Southern Gal said...

2. I thought the no white rule was after EASTER. Never heard Memorial Day. But I live in the south and you have to wear white before Memorial Day or else you'll melt into a big puddle on the pavement.

(Just read your comment. Billfold around here is another name for a man's wallet. You stick your dollar bills in the leather pouch and fold it. A billfold.)

6. My daughter can wear my skinny jeans from 1978. I look at her and think I never wore those size 9jeans. I just didn't.

8. What about twist-a-beads? I kept those babies and they still aren't back in style.

24. Which is why I have to wear jeans. I can't stand to feel anything jiggling when I walk. Sweats? No way.

You need to go get some new clothes says someone who has as few clothes as you. But I've got to buy a mother of the bride dress so I can't buy anything for a long, long time. Do thrift stores carry those type dresses? Does Dam...I mean Dave Ramsey have any advise on this?

LDF said...

Once again, I should know better than to read your blog while trying to drink tea. My monitor screen is dust-free again! I'm scared to wear sweat pants. Ever really looked at some cabooses in sweats? You know, the ones that really shouldn't ever be seen in sweats? What if my caboose looks like that? What if someone THINKS my caboose looks like that? Give me my nice tight jeans any day!

jennygirltherat said...

My Mom told me that one of the reasons she became a nurse was so that she didn't have to think about what to wear. (She graduated nursing school in the late 1940s, when there was a UNIFORM and it was WHITE.) Boy was she pissed when the hospitals moved to color-coded scrubs!

jennygirltherat said...

Ooops forgot to comment about white: here in the South white (pants, shoes, bags, whatever) is acceptable after Easter. Maybe not for true Charleston ladies, but for the rest of us mortals.
Probably because its 80 freakin degrees during the day by mid-April.

April said...

Yes, yes, you CAN wear white on Easter. But around these parts you will freeze your buns off if you're wearing sandals and a sundress.

Anonymous said...

Oh my Lord... you are hysterical.

grandmamargie said...

Funny post, April. And I was taught to not wear white, (shoes, purses, pants, dresses) before Easter and not after Labor Day. Have a great day.

Anonymous said...

You are a riot April girl!

And I love Sarah Short. She taught me everything I know 'bout keeping house. Back when they called it home ec. instead of whatever silly thing they call it now.

love - Mrs. C

(ha, my word verfication was kitch. hs. I am so easily amused.)

Jenni said...

My SIL is attending Fashion Institute of Design Merchandising in San Francisco. She says the high waisted jeans of the 80s are back with a little bit of an update. I say can't we find some middle ground? I don't want my mom jeans back, but I don't want to be worried my floss is going to show whenever I lean forward. (Great, and now I'm singing a Fergie song.)

Gila said...

Over here, we just got rid of all the rules. Except maybe "the tackier, the better".

We are truly the mecca of awful prints and various random bits and pieces on fabric. The South has nothing on us.

flutterby said...

I learned to use the word "wallet" instead of "billfold" after asking a sales person where the billfolds were. She hadn't a clue what I was talking about until I told her you put your money in it. Then she informed me they were called "wallets".

Shirts instead of blouses - yup, the mail order catalogs confirm the name.

iceprincess said...

I'm with grandmamargie on this one. My mom taught us the rule as "white beween Easter and Labor day." She was also very firm about wearing slips with dresses and skirts, especially if it's a lightweight material.

If we revert to 80's fashion I'm going to hibernate until it's over.