These Boots Were Made For Mistaken

Melanie, this is for you.

Several years ago I made the vain purchase of a pair of high heeled black boots. I shopped long and diligently for just the right pair that wouldn't go out of fashion too quickly and was comfortable enough to wear for at least 4 hours.

This year I made the vain purchase of a pair of brown mid heel boots. The sales lady said, "Oh! You wouldn't want anything higher than that!" After I pondered her youthful look and comment, it sunk in she was referring to my statuesque appearance. “You’re saying that because I’m tall?” I asked in my most teacher-mother-I’m older than you so don’t speak again voice. Then my need to explain my entire life story overtook my snotty woman posture and I ended up telling this teenager how being tall bothered me when I was younger, but then I married a giant and now I feel okay about myself…until little twits remind me that I’m not so normal after all!

So into my closet go the brown boots.

This morning was the Lord’s Day. My husband had deacon duty (a.k.a. Deacon Doodie, DD), I had pulpit flower and coffee clean up and our pastor has given his annual speech imploring his flock to get to church before 9 a.m., so if you happen to be late this month, you will look like a complete schmuck.

I got dressed put on my brown pumps, felt I looked put together and was ready to go, until my DD Darling Husband says, “Your boots would look better.” So into the closet I slip on my brown boots and out the door across the garage and into the van we go. We drive 20 minutes to church and arrive a lovely 15 minutes early. I take approximately 10 steps towards the church and get a glimpse of the lovely squared toed brown boot on my left foot followed by the rounded toe of the black boot on my right foot. Horrors! I did an about face and spit, “Honey! Look at my feet! I can’t go into church like this!” He said nothing just handed me the keys. I had no choice but to drive back home and change. As I walked through the garage it was painfully clear that the shoes were different heel heights and even sounded different. I am truly a victim of fashion and a complete idiot!