April Showers

Goodbye Blogger

2009-04-22T23:05:00.003-05:00

This place was home for many, many posts. I loved this place, but I needed more. I shopped around and decided this is where I belong. However, I'm still crying over how much I miss this little spot. Please, please come visit me.......I can't blog without you!

Coal Creek Farm

Clay gives Pdub.....

2009-04-19T19:31:00.003-05:00

TWO BIG THUMBS UP!!!

Coal Creek Farm's doors have opened. The furniture hasn't arrived yet, but I'm moving in anyway. Come over and get all the dirt on Pioneer Woman.

Vacationing at THE LODGE!

2009-04-18T04:18:00.002-05:00

Take a look.

Guess what I forgot to pack?

My camera cord and the cell phone charger. Good thing I didn't forget that I'm an IDIOT!!!

This is the end of communication and the end of the world.

It is 4:20am. Marlboro Man is going to come wake us up in about an hour.

Titanic Trippin'

2009-04-17T09:36:00.004-05:00

My sister and I and our poor husbands are going away for the weekend....together. We might be going somewhere to re-enact the sinking of The Titanic, or not. I don't really know how to tell you where we're going, except it's crazy, so it should feel very normal and not at all weird. We might be getting a heavy dose of counseling because after trying to combine our blogs I was searching through the Yellow Pages for Blog Counselors....there's a market there people, if you are a counselor reprint your business cards now with blog counseling available.

My new blog Coal Creek Farm is sitting there waiting for me to work on it some more. I would love to hear what you think so far, what you would like to see and if I should make any changes. It's a bit like I dumped clean laundry on the floor and can't find any hangers. So, I'll take advice, but I may not be physically able to implement anything right away. There is a learning curve......I'm at the bottom.

Okay, line up your chickens and give them a big peck for me and I want you to know, you are my favorite reader, yes you are. Oh, the arrogance, it's what keeps me going. Love, love, bye, bye, kiss, kiss, hug, hug.

Meet the new member of our family.

2009-04-16T23:28:00.003-05:00

Mud.

Sure wish he'd have the courtesy to stay outside...or go away.

I have something I need to tell you.

2009-04-16T08:54:00.002-05:00

This blog. This blog that I've used as a therapy tool for the last few years is going to move.

I know many of you read my darling older sister's blog in which she has told you a bit about the merging of our blogs and then the un-merging. What can I say, Rechelle, she changes her mind......a lot. Refer to this post for validation. Also, she thinks I'm too bossy, to which I told her she needs to keep her hair dark, stop dinking with the hutch and start following some garsh darn rules already! Does that sound bossy? Do you all think I'm the older sister? Most people do. I'M THE BABY! Got it? Did you know I even have a sister?

Anyway, not merging our blogs was a huge relief to me, I was starting to think my therapeutic hobby was going to turn into a stress inducing task that would cause me to suffer major migraines and hide from my sister forever.

Rechelle is going to launch her new blog sometime today and on that blog she has had her designer put some very cute links and one of those links is to my new blog, which isn't quite finished. Kinda like I fixed the front of my hair, but left a roller or two in the back. Rechelle gave me the option of taking down the link, but I told her to go ahead and leave it, cuz I'll get around to moving someday.......maybe.

I don't like to move. I mean, yes, I just moved hundreds of miles a year and a half ago to our new home and that was wonderful, but I don't ever, ever, ever want to move again. Which is why my butt is large and in charge. So, moving this blog is painful and time consuming and mind draining.......but a little exciting. Did you know these..... are the best way to express a pause in your writing? Yes, it's true.....I know.....I'm a professional blogger.

er, anyway......

You see, blogging is my hobby, not my job. Although, one time, when I was feeling like a professional blogger, I told the young girl that was cutting my hair, "I do a little freelance writing." What? What did I just say? I know. I'm an idiot. Because then I had to tell her I was a blogger. Idiot. Eeeedeeeeaaaht! I just don't want to pour more of myself into this hobby than I already do, because I fear I would start to dread coming here, it would be a chore. I hate chores. Well, some chores.

Blahhh. Okay, so all that to say, there will be a new sight coming soon, April Showers will still be home base for awhile and I think all of you that take the time out of your day to leave me a comment or stop by and read my dribble are strangely wonderful.

I'll reveal what our new house guest is later, one of you guessed correctly.

I'm still trying to get ready to leave town tomorrow. My four nephews are coming to stay at my house with my parents while I'm gone, so I'm trying to be a nice daughter and fix some meals, stock the fridge, do the laundry, leave instructions for the animals, give a detailed itenerary for each child and make life as easy as possible for them so they will offer to watch my kids again someday when I want to take a four month vacation to Europe. Har har, ha ha, hooooooo! Hey! I can dream!

Over the shoulder

2009-04-15T13:22:00.004-05:00

boulder holder.

Or in my case, small landscaping rocks. April has purchased two new bras! It's a miracle, a true blue miracle! Well, except the bras aren't blue. I'd show you a picture, but, um, no. I will tell you that I bought them from Target and they were under $8 on the sale rack. Please, please, I know, thank you, really, please hold your applause, thank you.

In other news....

When it rains it pours my friends. I'm trying to get my life organized enough to leave town for the weekend, but all I can do is turn circles.

Today I lost a load of clean laundry I was going to fold. Just so happens I took it out of the dryer, put it in the laundry basket then put it all back in the washer to wash again. Gah.

The store I need to go to today doesn't open until 4pm and I'll be doing one of my little volunteer jobs at that time, then taking my son to his "GOD PLEASE PICK HIM" baseball practice, then picking up my kids from church, then, then, then.....

Clay is conveniently out of town for business and will get home just about the time that I've picked up all the kids and started for home. Yeah for me.

I've become completely distracted by a potential job that I would love to have, so much so, that I can't think of much else. And that's not good, refer to laundry mishap in first paragraph.

The other night I spent a strange amount of time searching for boar semen. I know. We plan to artificially inseminate one of our pigs and I thought I should start researching boar semen now. Who knew there was such a big market for that stuff? Wow. Being a Pig Farmer is not the job I was referring to. I'll let you know about that later, maybe, if I can remember.

What was I saying? Boulder holder, lost laundry, job, semen....um yeah, I think that about covers it. Oh wait. I forgot to tell you that we have added a new member to the family!

He comes and goes as he pleases. He lives in every room. Sometimes he stays outside, but right now he's on Ellen's bed. The boys love him. I, well, I, um, er, I hate him. He causes me a lot of work. I wish he would have the courtesy to stay outside where he belongs. My family doesn't seem to notice him sometimes. Especially Clay, he just forgets that the little guy might be tagging along with him. Do you know what he is?

Mother Suffering from Baseball Ulcer

2009-04-13T19:40:00.003-05:00

Dear God,
Uh, I'm about to write a post about baseball.
Please help me.
Amen.

My oldest son turned 13 a couple weeks ago and all of the sudden he's gone from a tiny little bundle of chub with auburn hair that smelled like a wet puppy rolled in sugar to a giant, stinking beast balancing between boy and man.

I know several people that are going to say, "April, Seth has never been tiny." And to you people I say....phlbbbt, he's a babaaaaay! A tiny helpless infant!

Seth, my baby-buh-buh-buh was asked to try out for a baseball team because he just happened to be in the right spot at the right time.

When he got home Clay told me it's an older team and they do a bit of traveling...........and that's all I heard. Traveling. Traveling. Traveling.

"But, you know, he may not get picked. They're trying out four guys for one spot." said Clay.

"Gah, I hope he doesn't get picked!" I complained.

The coach called today. They want Seth to come practice with their team tonight and again on Wednesday. They are interested in him, but can't promise anything. And now. And NOW. AND FREAKIN' NOW, I'm all nervous!!!!!

I'm not nervous that I'm going to have to take him to all these freakin' tournaments all over FREAKIN' KANSAS! No. I'm nervous that THEY WON'T PICK HIM!!!!!

For cryin' out loud what if he gets all excited about playing with this team and they choose one of the other boys? One of those other stinky boys that is NOT a teeny tiny baby boy with wittle bitty fweckles on his squishy wishy nose? I'm not sure I can take the rejection....I mean Seth, I'm not sure if SETH can take the rejection.

Oh boy, I think I might have a problem.

The real question is.....WILL THAT COACH READ THIS BLOG AFTER I COMPLAIN ABOUT IT????!!!

Oh, Lord. Why? Why is my life steeped in sports? Why can't my children like art and dance and music and....and...FARMING!!!

Opening a Beehive

2009-04-13T12:00:00.000-05:00

Clay has talked about having bees for years. He lucked out this year when the gentleman farmer that sold us our pigs informed us that he was moving and we offered to buy a couple of his hives from him. Also, Clay works with a young architect that has been dabbling in bees since he was a teenager and Clay peppers him with questions that fueled his desire to get into the apiary business sooner than later.

The young architect let Clay borrow his bee suit so he could take a look inside the hives without getting stung to death. The young architect is just a tad smaller than Clay which is obvious when you see how we had to duct tape the suit and around his ankles and wrists. Clay felt a bit trapped. Have I ever mentioned that Clay is horribly claustrophobic? He hates the feeling of being trapped.

Note that little orange tool in Clay's pocket. That is called a hive tool and it is crucial when you want to open a hive, especially one that hasn't been opened all winter because the bees glue everything shut with something called propolis or bee-glue or virgin wax.

He's suited up and protected from any stinging bees. The next step is to create some smoke to sedate the bees before opening the hive. We don't have a smoker yet, so we created one in a metal coffee can. Not the best solution, but it worked, mostly because it was a cool windy day the the bees weren't very active.

Dryer lint and leaves make a good smoke. Kansas wind makes it difficult to start a fire.

But that same Kansas wind was very helpful blowing the smoke into the hive. A little smoke into the entrance below and then....

take off the lid. The smaller white box on top is where we will collect the honey, it's called a super. The lower two boxes are where the bees live and work and breed and most importantly, it's where the queen reigns.

All of these things have names like supers, boxes, brooder, nukes, blah, blah, blah. I would fail a test right now, so bear with me as I learn. Clay is using his hive tool to take out all the things that the bees will build wax comb on and then insert golden honey, we call them frames.

The frames come with wax or plastic bases that have a hexagonal shape embedded on them. The bees build their wax directly on top of the hexagon grid. You can see a bit of the yellow wax that has already been built on top of the white plastic grid.

Down in the that oval shaped hole you can see the bees. Clay blew a few more puffs of smoke in the top of the hive so I could rush over and take these photos.

After taking out all the grids Clay loosens the top. The bees glue down everything. That is why you have to have a hive tool.

I can't remember what this board is called but it can be used to invert a jar of sugar syrup inside the hive to feed the bees and you can place a little one way door in the oval to keep bees in one part of the hive.

It was glued down pretty tight. The bees were calm and stayed inside the hive because it was incredibly windy and a tad chilly. You should never open the hive if it's below 55 degrees F.

There are approximately 40,000 bees in this hive. They could product up to 50 pounds of honey.

The brown specks are the bees. Clay was contemplating his next move. This was the first time he had opened the hive and he was excited and nervous.

In the end he decided it was too darn windy to take out any of the frames inside the hive for fear he would find the queen and she would blow away. So he removed the wooden board with the oval hole and inserted a queen excluder which looks like a metal grate. You can see it lying on the ground on top of the white lid. It allows the worker bees to crawl up to the top super and make honey but the queen is too big to get through the grate, so she stays below to lay eggs.

Here's what we have spent on our bees thus far:

$200- for two completely built hives includes two queen excluders, only one hive had live bees.

$50- to attend a bee conference and become members of the Kansas Beekeepers Association which sends out newsletters and crucial information for beginners.

We still need to buy a suit for Clay ($70-90), hive tool($5-7) and new bees for the second hive ($????).

Stay tuned I'm trying to get another post written about our hive that died.

Mr. Roboto

2009-04-09T11:54:00.003-05:00

Do mo maughty goto Mr. Roboto

Do Mo-Do Mo

I'm afraid to tell you how long I've been singing that song with those exact lyrics. Not one person has ever corrected me. Ever.

I had no idea what a maughty goto was, but I figured meh, it's probably Japanese. Am I as dumb as I think I am? Yes, and I would think even a tad more.

Thank you very much.
Domo Arigato.

Now, who wants to know about bees? Yeah, me neither.

Solving my clothing delima one bid at a time.

2009-04-07T09:20:00.005-05:00

My friends, I want to thank you for advising me to check out Ebay to solve our clothing problems.

I'm happy to say I'm having a very sultry affair with this Ebay and it's paying off quite lusciously.

So far, I've purchased two dress shirts (one new, one used) and one pair of new dress pants for Clay. Normally I would have paid around $200 for those three items, but I only shelled out $30. I know!!!! It's like Heaven has opened up and rained Ebay on my head.

Right now I'm in a bidding war with some awful person that wears the same size jeans as I do. She has no idea who she's bidding against, I think if she did she would have mercy and stop bidding on those Calvin Kline jeans that need to be on my body!!!!

Don't worry, I do have a bid limit. I'm still the cheapest person in the world and I think I will be saying goodbye forever to those very cute Calvin Kline jeans that should be covering my big bodacious self. Dang it.

I also hit a thrift store a few weeks ago when I visited my sister. I spent $7 on a new Gap back pack that was full of playstation games and music cds, two shirts, one wool skirt, adult sized snow pants, rain jacket and several sweatshirts for the boys and Clay. I was surprised some of the clothes were in great condition and were name brands like Abercrombie, Gap, Carhart and American Eagle. My boys have been having a great time with the cds they found in the back pack. SCORE!

I told Clay that I might be able to cloth our family for around $1000 a year at the rate I'm going.

WOULDN'T THAT BE AMAZING?!!!

I tell ya, it's time consuming and somewhat irritating doing this debt thing, but I dig the challenge. Mostly, I appreciate all of you that have helped point me to some great resources. Thank you!

Now, I've got to go check my bids.

What the heck is a blouse?

2009-04-06T21:03:00.000-05:00

I have a very good friend that is a decade younger than me. She's a lot like a little sister because on occasion she will email me a picture of her in an outfit and ask, "Does this look good together?" And I love her so much and trust that she will still love me after I say,"NO! Don"t ever wear that, ever."

Today she emailed me a photo of her in an outfit that I told her she couldn't wear right now, because it's not right for the season. Then I told her to look for a blouse and a jacket. Her reply was, "What the heck is a blouse?"

And that is when I had to pause and wonder if our age gap makes me an old person that doesn't know anything about fashion. Because I still believe that you can't wear white or open toed shoes until after Memorial Day. I also try to stick with light on the top and dark on the bottom.

After all I didn't take Mrs. Short's clothing class in high school for nothing. I learned a lot of valuable information in that class. However, it was 1988 and there is a slight possibility that some of those critical fashion faux pas are now, in fact, fashionable.

But, for my friend's sake and for my daughter, whom has no fashion sense AT ALL, I thought I would write a list of fashion rules that I try not to break and therefore everyone should probably do the exact opposite.

1. Never wear boots past March, except cowboy boots.

2. Never wear white shoes or carry a white purse until after Memorial Day. Um, I might be carrying a white purse with big colorful flowers on it right now.

3. Never wear jeans to church on Sunday. Clay, Seth and Isaac wore jeans to church yesterday. sigh

4. Never wear a dark bra under a light shirt. Do we need to talk about April's bra debacle of the past few months? I found myself wearing a sports bra under a sweater a couple of days ago giving me a nice flat uni-boob look.

5. Never wear a sports bra under a sweater.

6. You can wear jeans that are from the 70's but not the 80's or 90's.

7. Just say no to acid wash.

8. Never give away any jewelry because it will come back in fashion.

9. If you don't wear something for a year get rid of it.

10. Hunt down all the stuff you got rid of because it is now in fashion.

11. Keep everything.

12. If it's old call it vintage.

13. If it's new call it chic.

14. If it's torn call it shabby.

15. If it's stained call it grunge.

16. Only old people call shirts blouses.

17. Underwear for boys.

18. Panties for girls.

19. Boxers for guys.

20 Thongs for flossing.

21. Bras should be optional and made with chicken feathers and bailing twine.

22. Having one pair of decent jeans will force you to wear skirts or old sweat pants everyday.

23. Challenging yourself not to buy new clothes for nearly a year will cause you to gain weight.

24. Gaining too much fat in your bodacious areas will decrease the amount of pants that fit over your soft jiggly parts.

25. Excuse me while I curl into a fetal position and cry for a few days.......never mind I'm too chubby to curl into a ball.......I'll just recline on the couch in my tight jeans and whimper for a bit.......never mind....I can't bend over.....or breath.....

26. Sweat pants are God's gift to a chubby housewife. Wear them everyday.

27. Wear whatever the heck you want.

28. I hate clothes.

29. I'm never getting dressed again.

30. Never ask me a fashion question.

Homelessness

2009-04-03T12:44:00.004-05:00

Remember when I wrote about The Family Promise Network?

Our church hosted the guests in Family Promise again this week. I went to help serve dinner one evening and brought my two oldest children with me.

I met the guests and their children. Some of them have been in Family promise for many months while others have only been staying there a few weeks.

One mom opened up a little to me and all I can say about her is that she is raw. Like skin stripped away and placed under running water. Like a bruise that people keeping punching. Like a cut on a finger that gets lemon juice poured on it.

It stings.
It burns.

When I went to the training class that is required for all the volunteers at Family Promise I learned the most important thing to do while interacting with the guests is to treat them with dignity and not ask them very many questions, especially questions about their current situation, because they only stay in a church for a week and usually a different group of people help serve dinner every night so, if you had to explain to people why you are homeless while eating your dinner every night, well, I think dinner would start to be pretty unappetizing and a very dreaded time of the day.

I think I may have erred a bit on the side of not talking to the people for fear that I would make them uncomfortable. Even when the woman started telling me how she became homeless I kept quiet and listened to her and maybe that's all she needed, but I was hoping she didn't want me to offer advice or feel like she had to explain why she was there, but maybe she did. I'm sure it's hard to have a stranger look at you and know you're homeless and feel the need to explain that you're not a complete loser, but life threw you a few too many punches in a row and you just couldn't recover from the multiple beatings before the next punch came and landed you square in the pit of homelessness.

I think some of the people at Family Promise had more fight in them than others and view being in that spot as a temporary step and not their housing solution.

I was impressed by the children, they were all well behaved and sweet. They had fun playing with my kids and for the most part seemed happy. Their parents are doing the best they can for them right now.

I fed a toddler a bottle and watched two little boys so their mom could go outside for a break, I talked to a mom about the classes she was taking and her hectic schedule and I laughed with another mom about something silly that one of the children was doing.

When I left that night I felt heavy. I had guarded my heart and held my tongue. I knew my tiny contribution to these people was not going to change their situation, it may have slightly lightened their burden for a moment, but what I realized is it's up to them. Really. And the question in my head now is do they have the will and desire to fight? Will they be paralyzed by their fears, inabilities and lack of resources?

Some of them are going to have to fight a much bigger battle than others. Mentally, physically and spiritually all their battles are going to have to be fought and conquered if they want to cross the bridge to self reliance.

I know they are getting some help that is very beneficial and I hope they can take the hand that is being extended to them and hold on tightly until they are able to walk freely on their own.

I'll continue to help serve the guests in the Family Promise Network. Next time I'll be more comfortable interacting with the women and children, but I hope the next time my church hosts that some of the families that I met will be missing because they have found a home of their own.

The Laundry Lady

2009-03-31T22:39:00.006-05:00

Only my good friend, Mrs Mama, can make doing laundry look so good.

I'm having a serious internal battle with myself about posting these photos. But, remember I also posted photos of me in my clown costume.

So, I guess it's okay to step back from my martyrdom and post a few gratuitous photos.

Right? Hold on a sec....I need to go drink some Pepto and think about that question.

Yes. I swear. Everyday, I wear a skirt and heels and hang pretty quilts on my clothes line and I have a person taking photos of it and I post them on my blog for the whole world to see.

What? You don't? Why? Because it's not normal? What? I'm a weirdo? Where's that pepto?

I swear, this is the prettiest my laundry has ever looked and that's the best I've ever looked doing laundry.......uh, no, I mean I look like that ALL THE TIME!

woman wearing clown costume weaves a chair seat

2009-03-29T22:10:00.006-05:00

Yes, I fixed my dining room chairs. But, only two of them. Because my hands are withered and sore after doing these two, and I used enough fabric to circle the globe....twice. I swear.

This one turned out to look a lot like my college dorm room. I had a peach comforter and I used light green floral to accent everything. Gag. Some of the fabric is at least twenty years old and came from the now extinct TG&Y. All this chair is missing is a duck with a bow around its neck stenciled along the arm.

I did this one second and thought about the colors a bit more before starting. Unfortunately, I ended with that gingham print which ends up being the dominant pattern. I do like this one more, but lets just say this was an experiment.

All the knots that tie the fabric strips together are on the bottom. That was the hardest part, retying the fabric so the knots wouldn't be on the top or sides.

I still need to tuck in a few on this chair, but my hands are too mangled at the moment.

Not a bad fix for a while. When and if and when and if and when I can spend some extra cash on the actual cane, I think I'll re-do them. Or I'll wait another 25 years until these fall apart and then I'll sell them as vintage antiques. Har har.

Now, let's talk about what I was wearing while doing this little project.

Remember,

-it was snowing
-it was a Saturday
-I have a very meager and pathetic wardrobe
-I wanted to feel vintage, like the fabric I was using...

Ready?

Brace yourself.

Yes, this is me. In capri pajama pants OVER, mind you I said, OVER a pair of long johns. Add some striped grey and pink wool socks and top it off with an ancient LA Gear sweat shirt that my elderly neighbor found in her house and thought one of my kids would like it. Please don't tell her it's one of my favorite things....she really thought my kids would like it.

Ellen helped me. The weaving is easy, the keeping the fabric tight is hard....on the hands.

I thought this chair would be a pretty blue and brown and white. I had gobs and gobs of fabric and thought I'd finish the chair with those colors.

Uh, nope. I had to break into the peaches and pinks and greens before I finally had enough fabric to finish the darn thing. That is why I have a lot less fabric stored in my fabric box.

You could do this with really cheap polyester sheets. I know this, because I also used some really cheap polyester sheets in the project. The longer the fabric the better so there are less knots to tie.

Can you see why my back is sore? I found the direction on how to weave the seat with fiber rush on line (that's what was originally on the chairs) and I decided I could probably do it with fabric just as well. So I did.

The End

Guess what I did?

2009-03-29T17:43:00.002-05:00

Wanna guess what I did yesterday?

Here's some clues...

1. My hands are aching.

2. My back is sore.

3. It was snowing, raining and really cold outside yesterday. (That's for all you crazy people that are going to guess I was gardening).

4. It has something to do with repairing something that was broken.

5. I spent no money.

6. Think about the room that I talk about the most in my home.

7. I have a lot less of something stored in a box....a lot less.

8. My hands, did I mention how sore they are?

9. Calico Corner, TG&Y, Wal-Bart, Gibsons and JoAnns all played a part in my activity.

10. Who grew up with a TG&Y store? We called it Toys, Guns and Yo-Yos.

Do you know? Huh? Can you guess?

Pictures and the full story at ten.

Dear Mom, I'm sorry.

2009-03-27T11:47:00.004-05:00

Dear Mom,

I'd like to apologize to you for making you live with me from the ages of eleven to twenty.

I'd like to say I'm sorry for all the times you were explaining the ways of the universe to me, but I couldn't understand anything you were saying because I was too busy rolling my eyes to the back of my head and sighing very loudly.

I totally understand why you sat down at the piano and banged out gospel songs after you would send Rechelle and me to bed and vacuumed the house at five o'clock in the morning. It was your way of irritating us while avoiding beating us to death.

I'm sorry you didn't have a blog to escape to.

I'm sorry I thought you were stupid for making me do all those useless tasks like; clean my room, do laundry, help make dinner and spend time at home. It was so hard for me to do those things when I was walking around with my eyes rolled back in my head, I hope you understand, because I can see quite clearly now....especially since I got glasses.

Remember all those times you said, "I hope you have a kid that is just like you, then you'll understand what I'm talking about?!"

I totally understand.

I also want to thank you for teaching me the fine art of embarrassment. Remember all the times you sang and danced in the car to songs you didn't know? Remember how you would get out your Mary Kay lipstick in the compact case with the three shades and apply it with that little retractable brush while looking the in the rear view mirror? Ugh, that was so embarrassing, and yet, brilliant. Remember yelling at us down the stairs in the basement to move the car because we parked it in the wrong spot on the driveway and when you finally poked your head through the door ranting and raving we were filming a spoof for the Johnny Carson show with a few of our friends? Oh, wait....that was Dad, never mind. But, wow, that was really humiliating, thanks Dad, I'll keep that one on the back burner.

Again, sorry you didn't have access to a blog.

I also want to retroactively ask your permission to wear all your clothes and your pearl necklace that I broke. Also, I won't get ticked when I see you likewise raid my closet and show up at school wearing my choir dress that no fewer than twelve other girls own and have no doubt that you are wearing the choir dress....to school.....in front of everyone....my choir dress.....in public......dear God, that was a priceless moment, I don't think I can top that one. Nor was I able to convince the entire school that you were NOT MY MOTHER.

I'm sorry for the times that I didn't claim you as my mom.

I'm sorry for not thanking you for all the time you spent driving me to dance classes. That is, until you discovered Rhonda Jarrett and her VW Bug and basically turned all parenting responsibilities over to Rhonda, the perfect older girl in the neighborhood that was able to protectively herd Rechelle and me through junior high and the first two years of high school. Thank God for Rhonda.

I am in serious need of a Rhonda and her VW Bug right now and also, could I get a male version of Rhonda for the boys?

Mom, I want you to know that at some point in my twenties you became a very smart woman with great ideas. I hope I can live long enough to become a smart woman with great ideas, it appears that I'll be teetering in that dancing in the car phase for many, many years to come. I fear I'll become so proficient at embarrassing the kids that it will become my normal to sing in an opera voice to all the songs on the radio and shake my shoulders while holding the steering wheel.........wait......is it normal to do those things when the kids aren't in the car? I think I have a problem.

Mom! What am I going to do?! When am I going to be normal?

My kids are too spread out for me to have a break between wanting to bash their faces into their smelly laundry and looking at them with love and admiration for MOVING OUT OF MY HOUSE! I am always going to have someone in emotional upheaval, hormonal egress and behavioral malfunction.

Mom, please feel sorry for me.

I really am sorry for having been a teenager and putting you through hell. Now, will you please come get all your grandchildren......wait, leave them here, come get me and take me home with you? Please, rescue me from these kids! They are driving me CRAZY!!!

I love you the most.

Your Favorite Daughter,

April

Clothing Issues

2009-03-26T09:00:00.000-05:00

Reading this article from Zen Habits was my daily dose of keep on keepin' on.

We are currently in a clothing crisis of epic proportions. Before we became the cheapest people on the face of the planet and before we decided that we were going to pay off every single cent of debt before we die and before we decided that using any kind of credit card was Satan's probe in our backside we would occasionally shop for new clothes.

Once a year, usually right after Christmas we would use some of Clay's bonus to resupply his work wardrobe which came straight from Men's Wearhouse. We would walk out with dress shirts, ties, maybe a new pair of shoes and pants that are hemmed to order. We always went to that store because they have shirts in size Freakishly Tall and Thin as a String which just happens to be the size Clay wears.

We haven't bought Clay new work clothes since we moved to Kansas 18 months ago. He is hurting. Not because he desperately wants new clothes to wear, but because he destroys his clothes. Holes in the sleeves, rips in the pants, missing belt loops, stains that can't be treated, he's worse than the kids. He's also lost all of his collar stays, you know, the little plastic arrows that slip in the back of the collar points to keep the collar from winging out like the flying nun? Yeah, those things. And apparently the dry cleaners don't have any extra collar stays, EVEN THOUGH THEY ARE THE PEOPLE THAT TAKE THEM OUT OF THE SHIRTS IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!!! Not that it makes me angry or anything that a business would remove something from your clothing, but not have the decency to put it BACK!!!

All this to say.....new clothes are NOT IN THE BUDGET!

I know, I know, Damn Ramsey would say that clothing should be in the budget every month and blah, blah, blah. But, but, butt butt-hole!

My daughter, the child that wears the same dad-gum pair of jeans everyday until I fall on the floor and scream and wretch and beg her to please wear something else, for the love of all that's clean and fresh, WEAR A DIFFERENT PAIR OF JEANS, she has come to me and begged for some new clothes. I don't remember her ever asking for new clothes, but she has no shorts that fit and she's actually desperate for some new clothing.

My little boys have torn the knees out of most of their jeans and the other jeans are waaaaay to short, because did you know that children like to grow eight inches the month their parents decide to spend any extra cash they have on farm animals? It's true. Try it sometime. Go buy four pigs, two beehives, 37 chickens, two turkeys and a freakin' turken and see if your children don't sprout right out of all their clothes.

And, really, do I need to mention my bra debacle again?

Okay. So, what am I going to do about this clothing problem?

Ummmm, well? I did buy some clothes for the kids at a thrift store and I'm challenging myself to attempt to dress at least my two littles from garage sale finds this summer, it's pretty hard to find clothes that fit my daughter, even in a store, so I doubt I'll be able to dress her solely from used clothing. And Clay, well, we've talked about him dressing more like an engineer and less like an architect. Which means wearing khakis and short sleeved dress shirts or polos. Which would help preserve his dressy clothes for when he meets with clients and we would spend a lot less money on the casual clothes.

And I think I'll make new bras out of chicken feathers and bailing twine.

Remember when I said I wouldn't buy any new clothes until my birthday in April, the month, not me? Yeah, well I think I'll have to push that back and resupply the rest of my family first.

I tell ya, bumps in the road like this are a pain in the arse, but the challenge is what keeps me going.

Pigs at Coal Creek Farm

2009-03-25T00:02:00.007-05:00

We have four pigs this year. Unless you want to count our dog as a pig, then we have five. We bought them from the same gentleman that we had purchased from last year. He likes to keep his pigs until they are 10-12 weeks old and they weigh 40-50 pounds. We paid $50 per pig. This year we will keep one and breed her because our gentleman farmer is moving to another state. If all goes well we will have little piggies in December.

Pigs are very curious animals, they have to put their mouth on everything in case there is even the slightest chance that something could be edible.

If I prop my foot up on the rails they will come over and give my shoe a taste which is okay now that they are little, but when they get big, OUCH! You don't want the pigs tasting you, it hurts.

Preacher's tail was too much for the girls, they all had to give it a taste. This is why you clip pigs tails when they are born, otherwise they will chew off each others tails, not pretty. The pigs will be bigger than Preacher in a few weeks and I don't think he'll want to try to play with them anymore, because they will CRUSH him.

We used our old trampoline net to shade the pen. A sunburned pig is a miserable pig. Right now it's too cold to make mud for the girls so we put dry hay in their bedding pen and shade them from the morning sun and they keep each other warm and dry.

We bought 900 pounds of feed from a mill. We have had the pigs one week and they have eaten 125 pounds, so that feed won't last long.

This year we plan on purchasing all our feed from the mill in bulk to keep our cost down. We are also going to keep a better record of how much all our farm projects cost in hopes of being able to budget for next year.

Mmmmm, bacon.

stuffing my stuffer with stuff

2009-03-24T11:19:00.004-05:00

Right now I find myself wanting to answer the much too common question, "How are you?" with "WE"RE JUST SO BUSY!" and then I want to punch myself in my crooked nostrils. Because I think that answer is over used and tells people to stay away and not ask anything of me......um, so maybe I should use it more often, der.

I have lots of critters that are requiring my attention. So, a bullet point post is all I have in me.

*We have 18 meat birds in the basement that creep me out and eat more food than I ever imagined. Which also means they poop more, which means I am constantly cleaning out their cage.

*We have two baby turkeys that I have nearly scared to death when I do my turkey call.

*We also have 21 chicks of various kinds peeping their little beaks off in another pen in the basement.

*Did I mention the turken? We got one turken also known as a naked neck. One of my chicken loving friends recommended it, so we got one to see if we like turkens.

*For those of you that have trouble with math, that adds up to 41 birds in my basement.

*We have one rooster and five hens left from our flock last year out in our chicken coop.

*I am getting one egg a day. It's very irritating. I had to buy eggs last week. Dad blab ricken frig grrrr CHICKENS!

*Mark your calendars on May 2nd we are planning to butcher the 18 meat birds (and possibly the lazy hens in the coop). I will post all the gory details right here for your viewing pleasure.

*Jean, Ellen is alive and well and yes, she spends most of her time hiding in the dark corners of our house to avoid being the subject of a blog post. The boys, however, wish I would post about them everyday.

*We went to the first of two beginning bee keeper classes. I'll try to post about that soon.

*One of our hives is dead. We're trying to decide if we should get a new queen this year or wait. There are so many details in the apiary business. I had no idea how much work bees can bee...hee hee. Also, it's not a cheap hobby. More on all that later.

*For the third time I hung out laundry and then started to burn sticks and brush. My clothes all smelled like smoke. I had to wash them again. This does nothing to help make my life easier or prove to others that I have any brains.

*I've planted peas, beets, lettuce, spinach, onions and herbs. I desperately need to get potatoes in the ground.

*We had a violent wind storm here all day yesterday and last night. I was certain our barn roof was going to be torn off and splintered all over the field, but it's still intact. I honestly don't know how it survived.

*That's it for now, gotta run, cause, you know, I'm so bus....er, I mean, uh, um, I got some stuff to do and then after that, some more stuff, and then my stuff has stuff to do, and then I'm gonna stuff some stuff in my stuffer.

*Now line up all your critters and give them a big hug and kiss for me and for the sake of the baby turkey's don't gobble.

Clay's Lunch Menu

2009-03-21T22:58:00.001-05:00

Madeline and her daddy go to the park.

2009-03-21T11:59:00.002-05:00

Some of you may have clicked on the link for the Liz Logelin Foundation that has been popping up on the Blogher ad network. If not, then please go watch this video on Matt's blog.

Sweet.
Precious.
Adorable.

Peep Squeal Buzz

2009-03-18T00:09:00.009-05:00

You really do bring them home in a box, like they're dinner. I have 41 chickens in my basement right now. More photos of them later.

Our fair city gives away compost every year. They charge $10 if you want them to dump a big scoop in the back of your truck. I'd say that's a good deal.

The two glowing orbs were a surprise. I'm not sure if I'll be able to use them in the garden beds. Also, you should have seen my bathtub that night. It looked like I had unloaded the entire contents of the truck into it.

My boys worked really hard tearing apart the remaining bits of our shed that was blown to bits.
Boys and hammers, they go together like pie and ice cream.

They took out all the nails and reused them to build.......

this lovely raised bed. I have to tell you, it drives the Architect crazy not to use pretty wood that's perfectly straight, but repurposing what we have is FREE and since we are the cheapest people in the world right now we find ourselves saying, "that'll do" quite a bit.

We bought two beehives this year. Preacher was fascinated by them and has already been stung a couple of times because he tries to catch them as they fly out of the hive. Silly dog. This is the hive that we put by the orchard.

We have one very active hive and one hive that we are certain all the bees are dead. We'll buy a new queen and try to split the good hive. I say that like I know what I'm doing, but in fact this is all new to us. We'll be attending a bee conference this week to learn as much as we can about bees and honey. This is the active hive, we put it back by Ramone's old vehicles in hopes that our honey will have a nice rusty flavor. Do I have to say I'm kidding for you city folk? Okay, I'm kidding, we put it back there so the cows wouldn't be lonely.

Our pond has filled up nicely. Maybe we should get ducks. Do you think ducks would like a mud hold the size of a jacuzzi? No? Well, Preacher loves it.

Preacher also love the pigs. He thinks we got them just for him. Today, he got in their pen, lined up an ate a meal with them. It was weird, our dog thinks he's a pig.

Isaac, my 7yo, took these photos.

He was trying to make it look like he had a giant hand reaching out to touch the pigs. He's a very goofy little boy, or did you already guess that?

Spring Break

2009-03-15T19:56:00.002-05:00

My goodness, it's amazing I am able to type. I've been gardening the last two days and my hands, back, neck, legs....okay my entire body is really sore.

Which means that for the last five months I have not moved a single muscle and now I'm paying for it.

We are so busy, so I'm just going to give you a run down and hopefully get some photos up later.

- built new raised beds
- hauled home a truck load of compost
- trimmed trees
- burned brush
- got baby chicks
- got more baby chicks
- got turkeys
- got two bee hives
- four pigs are being delivered on Tuesday

I'm exhausted.

Goodnight.

That Homeschool Song Guy

2009-03-13T13:28:00.004-05:00

A long time ago I posted the homeschool song by Tim Hawkins. Today when I was talking to my sister, Rechelle, she was giving me her daily dose of, "I HATE HOMESCHOOLERS" because she sees nothing redeeming in a homeschooled child or family or mother....basically she hates all things homeschool.

I want to make her a t-shirt that says HOMESCHOOLERS SUCK ! And you know, I think she would wear it.

Anyway I told her I was going to write a post dedicated to her all about the love of a homeschooled child and she said, "Why don't you just post another video by that weird home school guy that thinks his kids are so great?"

And so I did.

She didn't realize Tim Hawkins is a comedian and that video was doing what she does so well......MAKING FUN OF HOMESCHOOLERS!!!! Jazus, Joseph and Murray, Rechelle! Oh, and Rechelle, I love you almost as much as I love Jesus an homeschooling.

I not stupid, I NOT!

2009-03-12T10:28:00.004-05:00

I was searching for a really stupid picture to post with this entry, I think I found it. When you're done freaking out, let me know. The scariest part is it kind of looks like my dog, Preacher.

I needed a stupid picture to relay how stupid Wal-Greens is. In their sale flier they were advertising buy one get one free Loreal make-up products. Since I had several $3 off coupons I decided to stop by and get me some deals, man!

But, the price for one bottle of foundation was over 14 dollars! Now, I haven't bought any make-up for a very long time so I stood there wondering if Loreal foundation really is that expensive and if I bought two bottle of foundation would I still be using it when my great-grandchildren are visiting me in the nursing home??? I decided to check the prices elsewhere before investing in a life time supply of foundation.

Last night I stopped in Target to pick up at least $50 worth of groceries because I had a coupon for $5 off when I purchased $50 or more and who can't spend 50 bucks at Target? I had all my boys with me, so I knew getting distracted by the home products was not going to be a problem and I decided I was going to STAY ON THE GROCERY SIDE of the store.

I had a list and all my lovely coupons with me. Just as we were heading to the check out I decided to swing by the make-up to check the prices on Loreal products. I was dumbfounded to see that the foundation was priced at a bit over seven bucks. Which means Wal-Green is charging you for both bottles! There is nothing FREE about their BOGO! I think their BOGO is LOCO and I won't be falling for it anytime soon.

The best moment I had at Target was while I was paying my bill. An older couple was unloading their items onto the belt while I was handing over my coupons. The gentleman started to watch as the checker was scanning them and when she told me my total at the end which was $62.70 he perked up and said, "Wow! That's impressive you started at $73!" I was thrilled to say, "No, no I started at $78!" He had missed her scanning my five dollar off coupon. Then I laughed and told him how I had just started using coupons and it's really working for me and I thanked him for noticing.

You'll also be happy to know that I bought a Sunday paper, sat my big butt down and clipped me some coupons. There were three or four that I used at Target and a couple that I decided to leave on the shelf next to the product for someone else to use.

The real test will be at the end of this month to see if I can get under our usual $750 for groceries and household sundries.

The Brunette visits Coal Creek Farm

2009-03-11T12:49:00.006-05:00

It was the brunette that braved another visit to Coal Creek Farm. The poor dear can't live without me. Sometimes she'll email me a picture of herself in an outfit and ask, "Does this go together?". She's an only child and I'm bossy enough to say, "Don't ever wear that skirt again. Throw it in the trash now!" And she usually listens to me.

And her husband, I swear, he is my little brothah from anothah mothah He acts so much like my dad it's frightening. I think he and my dad are about the same size too. Wittle, wittle, tiny guys with lots of spit and vinegar.

But, the best thing about these two are......

(April, I'm lovin' the black socks with the sweat pants, classy girl!)

the two cute little people that they made together. The girl is a precious little princess and the boy, oh, the little boy.....

ugh, how cute is he? He's so tiny compared to my boys. He's three years old and wearing a sweater that my boys out grew before they were two!

And he talks. Oh, Lord, does he talk. It doesn't seem right that such a tiny little baby should be saying so many words. I kept scooping him up and loving on him. I just couldn't stop kissing and hugging him no matter how many times he said, "Put me down! I wipe off yo kiss!" Right before they left to go back home.....

I decided I couldn't live without.....

EATING HIM ALL UP!!!! He was delicious.

My kids are too old and stringy! You know, they taste a little gamey.

Porch Funiture

2009-03-11T08:26:00.000-05:00

These are the only after pictures I can find of the porch furniture. You can see the before here.

I probably don't have to explain why there is dog hair, mud and Lord knows what else on those cushions.

Good thing he's so sweet. PREACHER, GET DOWN!!!

Stay tuned, I'm going to post photos of our visitors from this weekend and there might be a shot of my hair too. Muwhahahaha, MUWHAHAHAHA!

Excessive Celebration Fail

2009-03-07T14:39:00.001-06:00

Visitors to Coal Creek Farm

2009-03-06T09:34:00.001-06:00

A couple weeks after we moved to Coal Creek Farm two of my dearest friends drove from St. Louis to make sure I was going to be okay living in Kansas again. They also thought they were going to help me unpack my house and get me organized. But, what they didn't quite understand was that my mom and dad were so incredibly happy to have us back in Kansas that in a matter of two days they had all my boxes unpacked, my kitchen set up and the beds made. I think they wanted us to feel like we never left and for GOD'S SAKE DON'T MOVE AGAIN!!!!

So, when my girlfriends showed up they were ready to work on something and they chose to re-do my porch furniture since I had this great new porch.

I sure wasn't gonna tell them that was a bad idea. Who am I to turn down free labor?

It was really bothering all of us that I had this pretty porch and none of the furniture matched. It was a bit sad.

We decided to spray paint all the wicker black, much to Clay's discouragement. No matter how many times I said, "Black is the new white!" he did not want us to paint that furniture.

We painted it anyway.

And we painted.......

and we painted. I think we went through ten or twelve cans of paint and our hands were crippled by the end.

Still having fun with the project we headed off to the fabric store to pick out what we wanted for the cushions. Two of us had some trouble staying focused.

One of us was getting a bit tired of being in the fabric store and was questioning her decision of coming to Kansas in the first place. We spent at least two hours picking out just the right fabric. When we got back home I found a bunch of old fabric that I loved and we used it instead. Uh..whooooops.

We stayed up until the wee hours of the morning a couple nights in a row to get the cushions done. With the aid of some wine, coffee, internet access and maybe a bit of Southern Comfort we kept ourselves on task.

And then I turned into a ninety-four year old man with stringy blond hair.

We wondered if we'd ever get those stupid cushions done and we decided visiting April in Kansas is exhausting.

We did get the cushions finished and they looked great for about two months. Then my kids and animals took over and well....yeah.

I sure wish my girlfriends would come back and sew me up some new covers, but that might be pushing my luck.

One of these girls has decided to brave the trip again. I can't wait to see her. Can you guess which one is dumb enough to come back? I won't make her sew, but I am going to make her do some gardening.

Singer Fail

2009-03-05T22:35:00.001-06:00

Sometimes.......it's best to just stop.

The Farmhouse Diary

2009-03-04T14:28:00.002-06:00

My sister thinks I write like an old woman pounding on a typewriter about the events that happen on my farm.

And she's kinda right. So....
Dear Farmhouse Diary,

Yesterday we spent our emergency fund repairing the well tank. I'm thankful for the emergency fund, but I sure hope nothing happens from now until we can get the ole emergency fund built up again.

I have washed clothes and run my dishwasher twice. I've mopped the floors and the best thing, I took a long hot shower. Running water, it's a wonderful thing.

Remember when I said I broke my vacuum? Yeah, I tried to fix it by taking out all the screws and then putting them back. You know what? My vacuum still doesn't work. Maybe if I bang it with a hammer.

But, the good thing is I have a central vacuum system in this house. I, uh, er, uh, forgot about it until I was talking to my friend and she was telling me about her central vac. Der. So, I was able to vacuum the house. Again, der.

I called to check on Virginia, my sweet-sweet-darling neighbor, this morning. She was crying because she was writing the thank-you notes to all the folks that had donated to the memorial fund for Ramone. She misses him so much, she told me how he made life so much fun, sitting at her table without him is hard. They were such a lovely pair, it doesn't seem right to have one without the other.

I'm so sad for her. I miss him too.

And, yet life keeps going.

We'll be getting new chicks this weekend and hopefully planting some seeds. I'm ready to work in the garden and feel the sun on my back.

That's it for now.

With love from Coal Creek Farm,

April~ the old lady pounding on her laptop

I'm ripe for the pickin'

2009-03-03T15:47:00.007-06:00

It's late Tuesday afternoon and I have not taken a shower since Sunday morning.

RIPE would be the word I'd choose to describe my flavor.

Our well pump decided to cease and desist over the weekend, but I was able to eek out a miserable shower on Sunday that caused me much anger at my family because I swore they were flushing toilets and running all the faucets which left me with a trickle of water that was scorching the part in my scalp, when in reality it was just the pump heaving its last breath.

The well pump fixer guys came out yesterday and got us back up and running, so I let all my kids take showers and put mine off until this morning.

This morning, NO FRICKIN' WATER!!

I called our friendly well pump fixer guys and they were already on a job, so they weren't able to get out to my house until just before 4:00 this afternoon.Water is such a precious commodity. I never think about how much I use it until I don't have it pouring out of my faucets.My kitchen looks a lot like that picture up there. I'm not kidding. I can't wash a dish or wipe a counter. It's strange how paralyzed I feel without running water.

I found a box of baby wipes that we never used and I've been 'washing' sticky hands and faces with them. Good Lord my boys are so messy! They usually look pretty rough at the end of the day just from their normal shenanigans of playing and eating, but if I wasn't able to wipe them down a bit they would look....

like this. Dear me. The ear wax says it all.

Oh, and to add insult to injury, I broke my vacuum cleaner yesterday. No water, no vacuum cleaner, I'm practically a cave woman.

One Month Down

2009-03-02T22:21:00.000-06:00

Well, we made it through February.

Every month that we are on this Damn Ramsey financial hell trip I give out a huge sigh at the end of the month and then I take a deep breath, count to three and jump back into the frigid waters.

We have been at this thing for one year. ONE YEAR! In that year we have:

*not used a credit card to purchase one ding dang thang.
*reduced our debt.
*used our $1000 emergency fund four times.
*replenished our emergency fund three times (we are in the process of doing it AGAIN, darn well pump!)
*managed to be happy with a little bit of nothin' and I do mean NOTHIN'!

Now let's thank God that February is over and this is why...

Goodbye basketball season. So long admission fees. See ya next year Coach Clay. After while smelly high tops, ankle braces and billions of different uniforms. Sorry to say I'm not shedding a tear, but I do tolerate you so much better than that OTHER sport.

Oh, and hello new hair cut and new glasses! I love you with that fluffy blue bathrobe! You know, the bathrobe that Clay said smelled like dust the other day? Yeah, that one. It's okay, because he doesn't have new glasses and his hair can smell like Cheetos, so dust smelling bathrobe seems okay.

Do you like my hair cut? Now do you want to punch me in the eyeball?

Load up them grocery cards, darlin'.

2009-03-02T20:24:00.008-06:00

Okay, let me splain dis whole loadin' da card dilly hoop for you.

Get out your Kroger, Dillons, etc... card and click on one of these sights.
AOL foods
P&Gesaver

Sign in, sign up, click the coupons you want they will load onto your card. They send you an email with the coupons you have loaded in case you want to print them out and put them in your wallet or coupon holder so you can remember what you loaded on your card. That last step is only for those of you that are super organized...which is not me. I don't have a plan for how I will remember what coupons are on my card, yet. Now, there is not a big selection on these two sights so you may find nothing, but I still thinks it's an easy thing to learn and worth checking in once a week.

I find it very strange that I'm telling you all how to do this.

Next thing you know you'll find me sewing my own clothes.....out of coupons.

Let's figure out this coupon thing.

2009-02-27T22:14:00.000-06:00

If you have been following the whole 'April Learns How to Use a Coupon' adventure, then you will appreciate that I'm actually putting forth some effort.

First I started buying coupons at The Coupon Clippers because for a nimrod like me it was so easy and the sight isn't cluttered with a bunch of crap or cwap as my daughter would say. I've spent under $20 on coupons and to date I've saved over $80 on items that I would normally buy without a coupon. I've also noticed that I'm stocked with stuff that I usually have to buy every month. I have 5 bottles of Softscrub, 6 boxes of tampons, 4 bottles of lotion and on and on just because I was able to save a ton by using my coupons.

I've finally got in the swing of looking at the sale's fliers for my local grocery store and yes, I look at them online and I figured out they come out every Tuesday...... I know, I'm a genius! I also learned that I can load coupons onto my grocery card. Yes, it's true, so I loaded some coupons onto my card last night and when I buy that item the coupon will automatically ring up when the cashier swipes my card, plus I can use a manufacturer's coupon along with it and save even more! I sound like a pro don't I?!!!

I'm also in the process of figuring out CVS and Walgreens. I found a great sight that has tutorials for both stores and has links to great coupon places. Go here to learn all about it.

Okay, so let's go back to the question; Are coupons worth it? I'm going to vote YES! The first time I used a bunch of coupons on items that I buy on a regular basis and watched my bill decrease by $40, well, that was all the proof I needed.

I have to admit I still have a lot to learn, but by golly it's a bit of a rush to see just how much I can save.

Now if you need some inspiration to start saving I recommend these sights;

Retail Anarchy - Written by our own Jean Martha's/ Renovation Therapy/ I love Upstate's fiance. Sam has a book and a documentary and a bunch of radio podcasts that focus on how to save money on groceries and basically figuring out how to declare retail anarchy. I also love that he put together a list that he calls Deal Sites.

Be A Blessing- Great tutorials for learning how to use CVS and Walgreens sales.

Savvy Savings Tucson- Written by cookbook author Stephanie Ashcraft. The girl has great deals listed on her sight and she's a coupon queen.

I know there are tons of sights out there and many of you initially pointed me in the direction that has led me to where I am now, so thank you my dear cheap/frugal readers for helping me learn what a frickin' coupon is and how I can use it.

You can't save the world, but you can save some money so get out there and try!

A story about April written by Clay

2009-02-27T08:00:00.002-06:00

**Guest post by Clay

April and I had been married a couple months and April was still in her "I don't like Clay very much" phase of life, partially because we lived in a small, ramshackle rental house, it was a pit...with a back stoop.

It was a Saturday morning, April was heading out to work at the animal hospital and I was still in my big red bathrobe sporting some major bed head. I said goodbye to April and heard the screen door slam behind her. Then I heard the "incident." My first indication that something was amiss was when I heard an ear piercing shriek and five or six terrified "CLAAAAAYYYs." I know that many of you haven't had the pleasure of April's spine-tingling, terrified shrieks, but I am the recipient of one every four or five minutes. They usually happen when a bug is within 25 feet of the house, but they also happen when she is in a room and I come in and "scare" her. They go something like this:

April: [doing something and more often than not, having a conversation with herself] "oh yes, thank you for asking, I've been a professional blogger for many years now and..."
ME: [bang, bang, bang...that's me walking into the room, very loudly] "um....April"
April: "SHHRRRRIIIEEEEEEKKKKK!!! WHY DO YOU ALWAYS SNEAK UP ON ME!!!"
ME: I'm sorry. [At this point I usually just back out of the room with my hands in a "don't be mad" sort of way.]

I get blamed for floating in and scaring her on purpose but this has happened to other people as well so I know it's not just me. It even happened to one poor sap who was walking in front of our house...on the sidewalk, you know, where people usually walk. April was clipping a hedge at the time. It went something like this:

April: [Clip, clip, clip] "oh yes, thank you for asking, I've been a master gardener for many years now and..."
Man on the Street: [bang, bang, bang...that's the guy walking on the sidewalk, very loudly] "Hello"
April: "SHHRRRRIIIEEEEEEKKKKK!!! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR DOING!" Man on the Street: I'm sorry. [Man backs away with his hands up.]

Anyway, the hair-raising shrieks happened and I, being a dutiful husband, ran to her aid through the back door and stopped...and stared...and was confused. April was lying high sided on her stomach about two steps down with her head facing downhill and her arms and legs behind her body as if she was a skydiver gaining speed before the chute opens.

There were only four steps. She was high sided on the second step. I stood there and wondered, "Does she really need me to help her up? I mean, all she has to do is put her hands down. Is she trying to slide across the yard? How did she get into that position in the first place? She was only out here for about three seconds. What the heck?"

All the while, the shrieks and screams continued until April craned her head around and saw me standing there, kind of stupefied. She gathered that I wasn't reaching down to help her so she turned down the volume...slowly and started to rise to her feet...slowly. In those three or four minutes I had the chance to look down at myself and notice that my robe was wide open and my lily white boxers and my lily white skin were gleaming in the sunlight. And I'm not kidding about the colors. I don't tan a lick and I have very clean underwear. In fact, they were pretty much the same shade of bright, especially for anyone who squints or happens to be standing more than 15 feet away.

I raised my eyes past April as she rolled back and forth enough to gain the momentum to get up and saw our back-door neighbor standing slack jawed and shirtless watching the whole thing. Sigh. This very neighbor also happened to be holding all the materials for installing a new mailbox and was heading for the very spot where his old mailbox used to be. In the very spot where April, two days prior, had run aground with our car sending his old mailbox hurling halfway up his yard. And that happened right before she peeled out and left the scene while I stood there just shaking my head. So what was I going to do? I gave him a pleasant "how you doing" wave, a "this kind of stuff happens all the time" smirk, a "I hope your project goes well" thumbs up, and a "what kind of person would bash your mailbox and not pay for it" shrug. Then I closed my robe, turned and walked back into the house.

I think my wife might have made it to work on time with most of her pride splattered on the back stoop, but I didn't hang around long enough to check.

The millionaire in the patched overalls.

2009-02-26T09:17:00.003-06:00

You people warm the cockles of my, my, my....what is that saying? You warm the cockles of my heart?

Anyway, thank you for all the kind words and prayers sent our way and especially for Virginia. She has been surrounded by her children and grandchildren and nieces and nephews and her house is full of love and warmth right now.

Clay and I went over a couple nights ago to deliver some food and we had the immense pleasure of sitting down at the kitchen table to share a couple of beers and watch the end of a basketball game with two of Ramone's sons and one of the grandsons.

I was amazed at how accomplished are Ramone and Virginia's children. A lawyer, a high ranking Navy officer, an engineer, an accountant were just some of the professions in the house that night.

Ramone valued education for his children. His kids were one of the first families to attend the private school in town and then he made certain that all of his children went to college.

It made me take a good hard look at their lifestyle. Ramone didn't believe in credit. He borrowed money to buy his first house, but not from the bank. He borrowed the money from a strange wealthy man that rode his bicycle everywhere he needed to go and his house was filthy. Ramone was worried that the man would lose the title to his house in the mess so he worked overtime and weekends at the railroad and paid off the debt in a matter of months.

Can you imagine paying off your home in less than a year?!

Ramone still owns that home and a few others......all paid for. I remember Ramone scoffing at me when I told him I couldn't afford to do something because I had a mortgage. He was right to scoff. What are we doing?! We take on so much debt for things we can't buy! Ramone viewed debt as disgraceful, humiliating a failure.

I view debt as a bridge from point A to point Fairyland.

By living a simple, uncomplicated life Ramone was able to provide more than just the basics for his family. He drove old beat up trucks (most of them are still on his property being used for storage), mended his fences with bailing twine, patched the holes in his jeans, heated his house with a wood stove and grew his own beef and vegetables.

What an admirable way to live.

He left his wife with a suitable income and his children occupy the homes he bought. Even as an elderly man he was ensuring his family had all they needed and more. In return they are all at his house now comforting Virginia, taking care of the cows and honoring the memory of their patriarch.

I think we might all learn a thing or two from Ramone. I think it's true that most of the wealthiest people in America don't look wealthy.

Empty Milk Crates

2009-02-24T11:07:00.008-06:00

Ramone passed away yesterday. We will miss him terribly. I sure wish we would have had just a couple more years with him or even one more summer.

I loved looking outside to see Ramone working in the yard or talking to his 'kids' which is what he called his cows. "Here kids!" he'd call when he had a treat for them. Last summer he saved some pears in several five gallon buckets and would yell, "Bucket Kids, BUCKET!" and those darn cows would come running across the field to get a pear from him.

Many days I would look over to see him sitting on his milk crates waiting for the water tanks to be filled, that's when I had the best conversations with him. He told me about the families that had lived in my house and about the land around our homes and the railroad that used to run through his property. He told me about serving in the war and sailing with the Navy. He told me how he was the first Mexican American to graduate from the local high school. Ramone told great stories.

Ramone had a habit of leaving things in a certain place that seemed befitting. Those two tractors, empty, still, but in that one spot together they were just right. Now those milk crates will sit there empty and still, but in just the right spot to remind me of sweet Ramone.

Watering the Cows

2009-02-23T12:58:00.005-06:00

While my neighbor, Ramone, is in the hospital I've been watering his cows. I think I am now officially a tiny bit of a farmer because I had to break the ice in the tanks. Not only did I have to break the ice, but I had to do it with a bent piece of pipe that I assumed was used for breaking ice purposes........until I saw the axe setting by Ramone's porch.

What I'm trying to make you understand is that I got up early in the morning, braved the frigid cold and watered the cows. Now, it wasn't so cold that I had to light a fire in the barrel to thaw the hydrant like Ramone does, and to that I say, THANK YOU GOD! But, still I was beating the heck out of that ice and was yelling to the cows DON'T WORRY YOU WON'T DIE OF THIRST.....NOT ON MY WATCH....I'LL BREAK THIS ICE IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO.....I'LL SAVE YOU ALL.....I'M A FARMER.....I'M A FARMER... I.....AM...A...Far...is that an axe over there? What the heck?

I must admit that the cows were a bit afraid to come get a drink until after I went back to my house.

Oh! I almost forgot......

I took a picture of my new haircut while I was watering the cows. I know! It's great, right? You love it? I KNOW!!!!

And look! My new glasses! Am I annoying? Do you want to punch me in the face?
Please don't hurt me....please. I'm a farmer and I wear glasses.

From my hair with love.

2009-02-20T13:33:00.007-06:00

Remember when I had long luscious hair that flowed like silk down my back and I fixed it every single day?

Remember when I got my glasses and it became painfully clear that my hair wasn't really all that lucious or silky and that pulling it back in a pony tail was not considered 'fixing it' at all? I also discovered I had grown a beard.

I know you remember this. Right? The bangs. Good Lord the bangs. Well, okay....

maybe, it was more like this. Remember how I couldn't stop talking about those bangs?

Then I went and got my hair cut again and forgot all about posting pictures of me with my new style.

And that's just silly, because this blog is allllll about me, myself and I.

It's just that I feel so wonderful and free with my new cut and the six or eight or however many inches I had chopped off has given me a renewed lease on life and I've been flitting around town like a little bird. Flit, flit. Flutter, flutter. Tweet, tweet.

Who knew that hair could weigh a person down so much?

I'm a new person.

Gone is the serious Olivia with no smile.

Gone is the scruffy Sawyer with a scraggly pony tail.

I'm the best haired April I've ever been.

I mean the layers in my hair alone have brought out the body and bounce that my head has been missing all these long, dreary, big-bangs months.

Are you ready to see the new April?

Yes?

My friend, prepare yourself.....

I KNOW!!!! I'M GORGEOUS!!!!

See how my stylist incorporated my big bangs into my new cut? I feel absolutely radiant.

Please don't hate me because I'm beautiful.

Shopping Agony and a Cheap Haircut

2009-02-18T10:21:00.000-06:00

Last week after admitting to myself that my hair was nothing more than a ratty ponytail I decided to get it cut. I took my chances and went back to the hair school, because spending lots of money on my mop is just not what I want to do. This time I made sure the stylist was aware that I didn't want my bangs to start back by my ears. She agreed that my bangs were really deep. Yea, I know.

I also asked for a partial foil, which is when they highlight just the top and sides of your hair. This is much cheaper than getting the whole head done and I discovered the school assigns you a student with more experience when you come in with something more complicated than a haircut.

$32.00 is what I paid for a cut, foil and style. HELLOOOOOO, that is so CHEAP!!!

I took my two little boys with me and they sat for two hours watching me get beautified. I told them I would get them a treat if they were good. My seven year old said, "Mom I don't want a treat, they don't last. I want a new toy."

I've never heard any of my children have that sort of reasoning skills. He is obviously brilliant and who am I to deny his logistic abilities? Or, he knows how to work his mom.

So, off to Target we went.

I have not been in Target for MONTHS!!!

I couldn't help roaming up and down all the isles. They had quilts on sale. At one point I was staring at a twin sized quilt in my hand and had completely redecorated my oldest son's room in my head. It was going to be WONDERFUL! Charcoal with a bit of turquoise and and white to set off all his red St. Louis Cardinals memorabilia. He would love it and love me more for bringing it all home.

I stood there pondering the lovliness of it all for a few moments. Then reality jarred me to my senses and threw a big bucket of guilt on my head.

I put the quilt back on the shelf. With a heavy sigh I remembered his comforter is just fine. He doesn't want or need new bedding. He hasn't asked to change his room. Most importantly remodeling his room IS NOT IN THE FRICKIN' BUDGET!!!!

DAMN RAMSEY! DAMN RAMSEY! DAMN RAAAAAAAAAAMSEY!!!!!!!!

My heart was racing and I felt my hands get sweaty. I was going through some serious Target withdraw. I left the store with two small Lego toys that were well earned and a serious case of Shopper's Agony.

This staying focused business SUCKS!

My new moto: STAY BACK TARGET IS CRACK
I'm having it tattooed on my my knuckles tomorrow.

Simmer down now.

2009-02-16T15:23:00.009-06:00

I met a blogger in real life and she was really sweet.

My children were stunned and amazed and couldn't decide which beautiful treat to stuff in their gob first.

I think I will send her my children as a thank you.

I mean, really. It's the least I can do.

Thank you Marilyn, my baking will never look good again.

Ramone Update

2009-02-16T14:54:00.002-06:00

I can't tell you how touching it is that even though I don't know many of you in person that when I say I'm concerned for my sweet neighbor Ramone your response is to comment with well wishes and prayers.

Thank you.

We went to the Hospital on Saturday to visit with Ramone and Virginia. Ramone is weak and tired. The doctors were going to do some more tests today.

When Ramone wasn't dozing off he would engage in our conversation. I told him the cows missed him and to get home soon.

Virginia told us some great stories. When they lived in town they had a neighbor that didn't have indoor plumbing and their outhouse was stinking something fierce. After asking the neighbor several times to take care of the problem, Virginia had some strong words with her in which the neighbor challenged Virginia that it was her property and Virginia couldn't make her clean it up if she didn't want to. Well, that was enough for Virginia to call the Health Department.

Thirty days later the neighbor had been forced to move out and Ramone bought the property for a song. Because, as Virginia said, "Nobody wanted to live in that sh*! hole". They tore down the house and it's still an empty lot today.

And that my friends is how Ramone and Virginia are doing. I'll keep you updated as I know.

Aldi must be Heaven.

2009-02-15T15:58:00.003-06:00

There are so many reasons to shop at Aldi. I mean really. Once you get past the cardboard smell and the early 80's color scheme, Aldi is really quite heavenly, especially on your pocket.

The employees at Aldi are always very friendly and get me checked out quickly. In fact I would say they are perfect.

Yes, perfect.

Afterall, Jesus works at Aldi.

The cows and I are sad.

2009-02-13T10:18:00.004-06:00

My sweet-sweet neighbor, Ramone, is in the hospital battling congestive heart failure. His wife, Virginia, called me yesterday to tell me they took him to the ER at two o'clock in the morning. Virginia was so tired, she just recently had surgery on her back.

Virginia said, "Well, I'm going to go out and water the cows and then I'm going to lay down for a bit."

WHAT!

This is how she rolls. Never asking me to help her. Of course I insisted on taking care of the cows until they tell me otherwise. As I was filling up their water tanks the cows came lumbering over, but instead of drinking they just stood and stared at me. I could hear the muttering.

What's the blond chick doing here? Where's Ramone?

I can't think of what this place will be like if Ramone doesn't pull through. I know he's 88 years old and lived a full and beautiful life, but I still have so many questions to ask him and he told me he would help me get my garden planted correctly this year. I can't tell you how many times he has told me to, Getchoo some lime and getchoo some sand!

I feel a measure of comfort knowing that he and Virginia are out here and know so much about the area and the soil.

This is one time that looking to the future makes me sad.

The Blemish and Foul Wind

2009-02-12T08:49:00.004-06:00

Oooookay, I think we've all seen enough of that.

Now, how about some more stories about ME to make you feel better about yourself? Yes? Could this blog be any bigger a display of self deprecation and humiliation? Or is it that I need attention? Because being 95 feet tall with freaky blond hair and a butt the size of Canada isn't really doing it for me anymore, obviously.

****

This morning, I had to take my older kids to school. I decided to just get dressed and go. I looked like, well, like I just woke up and threw on some clothes. Even better I had just popped two zits on my chin. Have you seen me after I pop a zit? It looks like a giant tumor has erupted on my skin, red and pulsing to my heart beat, it's hideous. No big deal, I thought, drop the kids off and scoot home, I'll be invisible.

You know what's about to happen, don't you?

The most beautiful woman on the face of the planet saw me at school and made a bee line for my van waving at me to get my attention so she could talk to me.

Oh, Lord. Here she comes. No! Dear God, NO! Should I just gun the engine and peel out of the parking lot? Would it be bad if I ran over her? Maybe if I pretend I don't see her. Nope, I'm waving, that pretty much says come here and talk to me. Lord, WHY?!

I rolled down my window so my zits could say hello.

****

A couple days ago I took all my kids to the longest evening of basketball in the history of basketball. I had to watch three games and part of another one. We were the visiting team and crowded together in a little lunch room area that had accordion style doors that opened to the gym. My two little boys and I were sitting in chairs very close to all the other parents.

What better time for my boys to start ripping the foulest smelling farts ever?

What did they eat? Sulfur? Rotten eggs? Dog poop?

Like any good parent I immediately started placing the blame. "Oh! Honey. Phew! Do you need to go to the bathroom? Wow. YOU are really stinking up the place."

If that wasn't bad enough, my baby decided to sit on my lap and let go of a mighty, butt- flapping wind that could only come from a rear the size of Canada.

MOSES SMELL THE ROSES!

I knew that if I started to blame him for that incredible auditory display it would look like I was the guilty party. In silence, I sat in my chair holding my son staring straight ahead pretending like I didn't hear or smell a thing. And we all know what that means, right?

GUILTY! GUILTY!! GUILTY!!!!!!

****

What lessons have you learned from this ridiculous post?

1. Never leave the house.
2. Basketball stinks.

I'm DANCIN'!

2009-02-10T16:56:00.001-06:00

There's a lot of things I feel I need to explain before you watch this video.

1. I was in the middle of either putting up or taking down our Christmas tree in the first one, it's sad that I can't remember.

2. I yelled at my oldest son that I was dancing because he was begging me to come help him with his homework. I have to set my priorities, right?

3. Later you'll see I had shoved a big dinner roll in my mouth and was in the process of trying to eat it. Eating while dancing helps control calories.

4. I was making grape jelly in the kitchen when my son decided to start filming me dancing to Fergilicious. My jelly turned out Grapilicious.

5. The chair thing.... I don't know. I think my daughter caught me doing that.

6. While watching these clips, it became obvious to me that I never fix my hair. I made an appointment to get it cut tomorrow.

7. I am going to loose sleep tonight, because I posted this stupid video.

8. Dancing is all I have left.

9. I was a cheerleader.

10. I was too tall to be a cheerleader.

11. I'm sick of myself. Gah.

12. Please excuse me while I go hurl.

White Boy Gettin' His Groove On

2009-02-09T23:16:00.003-06:00

I have no idea where he got his sweet moves. I'm so proud.

She's home!

2009-02-08T14:39:00.006-06:00

Last night we had the amazing privilege of seeing the homecoming of our good friends and their new daughter, a little girl adopted from Ethiopia.

This is a very unique group of children. It includes two little girls that are awaiting the arrival of their newly adopted sister, two little girls that have been adopted and one little girl that is eagerly awaiting the adoption of her little sister. It was very sweet and touching to watch how excited they were.

I've watched this video about ten times and I get goose bumps and a nervous excitement every single time.

I have so much I want to say about last night, but I'm a bit overwhelmed. It was one of the most joyous occasions I've ever witnessed.

Blabbing Blogger Seeks Basketball Bible

2009-02-05T14:03:00.006-06:00

When we moved back to Kansas I decided not to talk about my blog to the new people I was meeting. I did this because I wasn't sure if it was healthy to unleash so much April on people all at once.

It takes me a bit to warm up in new environments and therefore I tend to be more reserved and quiet and timid and basically paralyzed until I'm comfortable. I think people would say, "She's just a tiny waif of a thing. I can barely hear her when she speaks." Yes, that's exactly how people would describe me. They would also comment on my long fluttery eyelashes, rosebud lips and delicate gait. Because, really, I'm just a sweet, quiet introvert that has been buried inside the body of a gigantic, babbling blond that laughs louder than a hyena being tickled by a baboon!

Unfortunately that gigantic babbling blond eventually gets the best of the tiny waif and one day in a moment of coffee induced spasmodic tongue-flapping I told a new friend, "Oh, I have a blog! And it's so wonderful. You should read it. EVERYDAY FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!"

Since I hang out with her in larger circles of coffee induced spasmodic tongue-flapping women the topic of my blog has been mentioned a time or two.

So, I wasn't too surprised when I got a little note from my Pastor's wife that she heard I had a blog and could I please tell her how to find it.

This is the email I wrote her. Because why in God's Holy NAME would I just say, "Sure, thanks for asking."

Hey K,
I'm home missing bible study because I have four children and they've stapled me to the floor of my kitchen and poured oatmeal in my hair. Also, I can't seem to find the front door, I think I left it behind a couple loads of laundry. AND if I have to take my little boys to one more basketball game this week they might think that's where we live.

Translation: We've been gone a lot, I have company coming tonight, my house is a disaster, I'm still in my pj's.

Anyway, here's my blog address, please know it's my creative/crazy outlet and by no means reflects the serious, mature adult that I am everyday. aprildphillips.blogspot.com

Have a great weekend and if you want to get in touch with me call any of the local basketball gyms within a 100 mile radius.

I really wanted to sign it with a meaningful Bible verse, but I couldn't find one that had any reference to basketball or blogging. What's with that?

Jack Johnson - Angel (Live 2008)

2009-02-04T10:04:00.002-06:00

Need a little heart meltin' today?

Claystor, please put this guy on my ipod for Valentines Day and I won't make you take me out. Oh, and could you also put his songs on my ipod too? Thanks Hon, that'd be great.

A huge THANK YOU to the DVM's wife for introducing me to Jack Johnson on her playlist.

I am Olivia Dunham, FBI agent, or am I?

2009-02-03T10:53:00.005-06:00

Yesterday, after I was done with my crime fighting and alien investigating and criminal interrogating, I had to take my oldest son to one of his basketball games. I know, I know, I don't know how I do it all either.

After watching two games I was ready to get home and get my two littles fed and to bed. Levi, my four year old had decided to crawl up in a ball on my coat under the bleachers and fall asleep, the poor little guy was so tired...of watching basketball.

I picked up my three hundred pound four year old and headed out of the gym. I was thinking how relieved I was that we had been able to park so close to the gym. When I turned the corner I noticed the door had a set of plastic posts and chains blocking the door and a sign that said something about the door being locked after 5pm, alarm, security, emergency exit, blah, blah, blah. This is a joke right? I mean there were hundreds of people in that building. Why on earth is this door blocked?

Behind me were several college students that had just come out of a class that were headed the same direction as me. I noticed the door was slightly ajar. My only other option was to go out the other exit and I was NOT going to go down two flights of stairs and then back up another two flights of stairs on the opposite side of the building to get to my van while carrying the seventy-five thousand pound four year old! So, I opened that door.

WHOOP! WHOOOOOP! WHOOOOOOOP! WHOOOOOOP!

That's what the alarm sounded like. The college kids behind me turned and ran down the flight of stairs to get away from the crime scene.

But, I...the FBI agent, with the 90 ton sleeping four year old in my arms yelled, "LET'S GO BOYS!!! COME ON! GET THROUGH THE DOOR! RUN! RUN!" Because I am not about to let a stupid sign warning me not to go through a door, or posts with chains blocking the door, or an excruciatingly LOUD alarm stop me from going where I need to go. I am a professional. I am an FBI agent for crying out loud, I go where I want to go when I want to go and aint nothin-nobody-nowhere-no how gonna stop me!

And nobody did. So I took my tiny swaddled babe and placed him in his car seat. With a gravely voice I looked back at the building squinting through my new glasses and said, "That's right Cowboy. Maybe next time Muchacha. Who's the Boss Hoss. Get back Freckles. Don't mess with Sweet Cheeks. It's the Belle of the Ball. What say you Cha Chi? The Mighty Hunter has returned! What do you think Captain Bunny Killer is gonna say if he catches us? Whatta ya got there Rerun?...." and then my boys asked if I could stop talking so we could please go home. And we did, oh yes, we did.

Frugal Froohaha

2009-02-02T08:56:00.005-06:00

Sometimes when I need to recharge my frugal battery I'll try to find someone out in Internet Land who has great advice.

Well, looky what I found. Now I can peruse through 50 different links and surely find someone that will motivate me to keep those dollars in my pocket.

What if I want to make some money online or from my blog? This nice lady posted how much she made from each source.

Remember when I asked you if you thought it was dumb to purchase coupons? Well, I decided to give it try. So I purchased $9.10 worth of coupons, meaning each coupon has a handling fee and I think the minimum purchase is $9. It took five days to get my coupons and I had several that were going to expire on Jan 31st. Quickly, I made my plan and went to our local grocery store that doubles up to $1 on manufactures' coupons. Note that I only purchased coupons on products that I use like Cascade and Jet Dry and Suave (which I didn't think could possibly get any cheaper, but I ended up paying $.49 a bottle, cha-ching).

I did notice that some of the products were more expensive at the grocery store than Wallyworld, but after I used the coupons I did save a bit.

I was forced to purchased more of the products than I would normally due to the 'save $1 when you purchase two' blah blah blee blee bloo bloo and now, hello, I have 6 boxes of tampons in my bathroom. Stocking up is not something I like to do, but I'll do it for the sake of saving.

I used ten coupons and saved $22.80. I have a bunch more to use, so I'm sure I'll end up saving over $50.

I think buying coupons is worth it for me right now since I'm a beginner at this whole coupon thing. I promise I'll keep trying to do better.

Now, go be frugal and free yourself of debt and destruction and dementors and deli meat and doilies and doo-dads and dorks.

There is a Benjamin Moore store in my barn.

2009-02-01T17:15:00.005-06:00

First of all, I want to thank all of you for giving me some great ideas for the dining room chairs.

Paint.

Don't paint.

Paint pastels.

Paint black.

Distress.

DO NOT PAINT!

Cushions, lots and lots of cushions.

Belts.

Quilts.

My favorite was to use duct tape. I would totally do that. And I still might.

But, I really want to thank the two or three people that said I would NOT get this project done. Because nothing motivates me more than when a person says I CAN'T do something......unless I really don't want to do it, then I'm all yeah, not gonna do it.

Clay and I both thought painting the bench was the only way to go. Since we're still being the cheapest people on the planet I didn't want to go buy any paint when there are billions of gallons of Benjamin Moore paint in our barn left from the previous owners. I'm serious, billions, okay maybe it's more like twenty..............million.

Since yesterday the temperature got up to a balmy 70 degrees I decided to go out to the barn and search for a red to use on the bench.

After rummaging through cobweb coated cans and prying them open I found a rusty red and a maroon and decided to put my college color class to good use and mix my own paint. I KNOW! I am so amazing. Amazingly cheap.

So, for zero American dollars I give you the bench.

And I don't like it. I think the color is okay, but it's too dark against the wood floor and the table. It just says blah to me.
See? Blah. So, now I'm going to look at it and think some more. Maybe I'll try a yellow/green....if I can mix my own, which I think I can-can mix my own paint-paint, diddy-diddy bop-bop, diddy-diddy hop-hop.

Oh, sorry, had to break into a little hip hop action there. Nothing makes my children roll their eyes more than when I break into song. A day without singing is a sad day. Especially a day without some opera. Try it. You'll like it. Just sing whatever you are saying. Especially when you're kids' friends come over to play. SING IT!

Now, back to the bench.

What if I paint the yellow/green over this red and then distress it? Huh? What say you?

Oh, and stop telling me to do cushions, because have you seen my children eat? If you have, then you will understand why we can't have fabric on the seats. I'd be posting about how awful the cushions look and then you would be saying....paint the cushions!!!!

I've found the fiber rush to repair the seats online. I think I can do four chairs for around $25 and that's not too bad, right?

I probably won't be painting the table or the chairs. My reasoning is Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving and Independence Day.

What? April, please 'splain dis crazy cockamammee nonsense.

You see, I like to decorate my dining room for all those holidays and if I have my table and chairs painted all different pastels then it would look great for Easter, but come Thanksgiving I would want to barf all over the chairs to try to get the pale blue to look good with the pumpkins and maple leaves. That makes sense, right?

Also, I still haven't painted my daughter's furniture, which was my childhood furniture. I've been meaning to do it for 15 years now. So, really, the chances that I will actually paint all the chairs and the table. Har har hahahahaha!

Now, we'll see if I get this done. Go ahead and tell me I won't do it. I dare you. Actually, could you just say a lot of mean things about how I won't get Ellen's furniture painted and how that will make her resent me when she becomes a mother and she'll never let me visit my grandchildren because she had to grow up with with her mother's hand-me down crappy furniture and what kind of a mother treats her only daughter with such neglect?

Yeah, yeah, say all that and let's see if that gets me motivated to paint her furniture. I'm thinking, naaaah.

Momma needs a project.

2009-01-30T13:14:00.006-06:00

Wanna look at some of my fantastic photography? Okay! Here we go.....

This is the bench that sat on my porch that my cats used as a litter box. I bought this in an unfinished furniture store back in Missouri. It's a very poorly constructed piece of doo-doo that we have had to nail back together, but it works. You can't tell from this picture, but I pickled it to match my hutch. Basically it looks like a cheap pine bench. Um, because it is a cheap pine bench.

This is the little rug that sits by the door which is by the cheap pine bench. Take in the colors, we'll come back to it. What do you mean you can't see the colors. You got somethin' to say 'bout my photography? Sigh... moving on.

Bench. Rug. Wall color. Table legs. Got it all? Process it, there is a big decision coming up.

This is one of my dining room chairs. What do you think? It's got that rustic look right? One of our friends sat in this chair and watched a movie. How uncomfortable do you think he was? What kind of a host lets their company sit in this chair while she sits in the cushiony chair with her feet propped up? That would be me. The really funny thing is, that he thought he broke the chair. I didn't tell him it was already like that, I was hoping he'd offer to fix it.....after all he was sitting in it and it's broken. Right?

This is another dining room chair. I think my chairs are on their last leg, uh, except their legs are fine, so I guess they are on their last seats. Time to do something.

I also have this chair. It doesn't match the others, but I like it. I can't imagine trying to repair this one.

Okay, so now I need your help because look at this mess. Goodness.

1. Should I paint or stain the bench?
2. What color? Go back to the rug/wall/table reference.
3. Should I repair the seats with the same weave and color or go all crazy and paint the chairs seven different colors and then prop them up on stilts?
4. Rechelle, I really want to know how you would handle this.
5. Who uses broken furniture in their house all the time?
6. Who thinks I'll get this done before I die?

Lost without Olivia

2009-01-29T17:20:00.007-06:00

Awhile back a person commented that I look a bit like Olivia Dunham on Fringe and I was all WHO's Olivia Dunham with fringe what?

Then Clay and I started watching Fringe and right away I agreed with the commenter. Who am I to argue? Obviously I have the smartest readers ever!Olivia and I not only look exactly alike, but we also have the exact same lives. I mean she really could be me! What with the gun slinging, abductions and serious butt kickings that I do on a daily basis. Also, we both wear long black coats. I know! She is me, I am her! Who could question the similarities?

Yesterday I picked up my new eyeglasses. They are amazing! Everything is so clear now! Unfortunately, when the fog cleared and the crisp outline of my face emerged in the mirror I didn't see Olivia anymore. Young, beautiful, smart Olivia turned into........

this.

So I pulled my scraggly hair back and.......

OLIVIA!!!!!! OLIVIA COME BACK!!!!!

Olivia.....
I'm lost without you!

Tid bits

2009-01-27T10:45:00.002-06:00

I'm so glad I don't have to stick to topics on this blog. Because uh, my brain tis scrambled.

What should I write about?

I'm too lazy to go take pictures of the bench I brought in from the porch last night. You see, my teeny tiny baby boy has out grown his cute red stool that he sits on at the table and we don't have six chairs, so I thought I'd bring in the bench and use it at the table for my two little boys. But, there is a problem. It smells like cat pee. I know. Everything I own smells like cat pee. My father HATES cats. I'm beginning to smell why.

There is a dead chicken in my front yard........again. It's the little rooster I found on the side of the road. He didn't stay in the coop with the other chickens, so it was just a matter of time. Poor little guy.

Okay, that's it. That's all I have.

What if I did an Ask April post? What the heck would you ask me? Please don't ask me about football, basketball, baseball, volleyball or anything pertaining to a ball.

Ooooh, I just read that Dooce is 5'11" tall!!! I had no idea she was that tall. She looks like a tiny pip squeak, but then again, so do I, right? RIGHT?!

Q: April, what is the first thing you notice about a person?
A: Their height.

See? I could answer questions like that. Easy peasy.

Q: April, when you were young and single what did you find was the most attractive quality in a man?
A: His height.

Q: So were you immediately attracted to your 6'5" husband?
A: Uh, er, um. No.

Q: Why the hell not?
A: Sigh. Because he was goofy looking. And I had a boyfriend. But, I did become good friends with Clay and took him to meet my sister in hopes that they would fall in love because she had a thing for red heads with green eyes.

Q: So did Clay fall for Rechelle when you introduced them?
A: No. The only person that did any falling was me. Clay and I were walking back to my dorm to eat dinner after watching half of a KU basketball game because I was so not interested in sports back then, uh I guess that hasn't changed. Anyway, Clay had noticed that I was bored during the game so he asked me if I wanted to leave and of course I said, "Yes, this is awful." Then he very tentatively asked, "Uh, do you want me to go with you?" I laughed and said, "Well, sure if you don't mind missing the game." We decided to cut across campus to make our walk shorter. Taking the short cut meant walking down a very steep grassy hill that was wet from the recent melted snow. I started down that hill taking tiny little steps and then it was as if I had strapped on a pair of skis. I was slipping and sliding all the while staying on my feet and screaming like someone was attacking me. Clay was at the top trying not to watch, it was painful for him. I finally ended up on my butt in a puddle of water and mud. I felt so stupid, but I was laughing because what else could I do? Then I heard Clay beside me asking if I was okay. He helped me up and then said, "Here, you better hold my hand." And that was his first slick move. He's still very proud of that moment. He had no idea that he'd spend the rest of his life watching me fall, slip, slide and best of all scream. He still holds my hand, but now he laughs at me and then imitates me everytime I fall.

Hey, I kinda like answering these questions. I guess practicing all those interviews with Katie Couric in the bathroom mirror has paid off.

Sleeping Tips

2009-01-25T11:57:00.011-06:00

Hey! Wanna know how to get a great night sleep? Here's a few things you can try:

Place your freezing cold feet in the armpits of..... your hot husband. Try not to wake him up, be prepared to have him toss you across the room.

Listen to the sweet sounds of....your four year old coughing every two minutes.

Go get the feverish/coughing child and put him in bed with you.Now you are nice and warm. In fact the four year old is emitting so much heat that your skin is melting off your body.

Be sure to place the four year old high on your pillow with his mouth right next to your ear.
Now you're able to hear him coughing up his toenails directly into your eardrum. Oh, the sweet soothing sounds of your baby coughing, you'll be asleep before you know it.

Might as well throw a cat in the mix. Put your cat on your head and tell her to please start rubbing her claws on your cheek. If that doesn't work then just ask the cat to rub her butt on your face or lie down across your neck....because the best way to go to sleep is by NOT BREATHING.

Make a deal with your dog.....to wake up just as you might be nodding off between the hours of 12am and 4am to go outside, because he knows that if he goes outside and starts barking at the air and other invisible things that you will feel safe and protected and be able to go night-night.

Let me know how these work for you. If you need to borrow a kid, cat or dog I can help you with that.

Thinking about coupons and colons.

2009-01-24T11:30:00.006-06:00

I am a terrible farmer. And Clay is a terrible chicken coop builder. And we might just be having a conversation right now as I'm typing this about who's fault it is that we only have 7... no wait.. make that 6 chickens left on Coal Creek Farm. I'm thinking that if an Architect can't build a coop to keep his hens safe then we've got a problem. Clay is saying the problem is with the farmer that refuses to lock up her chickens at night because it's too blinkin' cold. But, but, but, but.....

Also,

Clay told me one of our chickens has a prolapsed colon. What is with my chickens?! They like to crap out their insides and get eaten by coyotes!

So, instead of rushing to get my chicken doctor bag, I'm sitting on the couch thinking about what I did last night.

And I'll tell you all about it right after I spoink my chicken.......be right back.

False alarm. I'm the one that went to the eye doctor yesterday, but obviously it is the Architect that is having trouble seeing things. All chicken colons are in their proper places.

Now, back to coupons.

As I was clicking away on all the comments last night I came across one of your links that led me to The Coupon Clippers.

This was the first sight that didn't overwhelm me. I actually found a coupon for the peanut butter we use!

Now, you need to tell me, is it dumb to buy coupons?

It was so easy to find the coupons for the name brand products I use which I'm compiling a list of those items that I can't find a better or cheaper substitute.

Now, for those of you that want to know how I manage to keep to our seven fiddy for our groceries/household supplies, these are some of my basics;

1. We try to eat everything in our house before I go get more (with the exception of all the canned fruits and veggies and the frozen meats).

2. I don't make complicated meals. We have a large variety of meals, but they don't contain a lot of ingredients. I don't serve a lot of side dishes with our meals. We eat a lot of homemade soups.

3. I pretty much shop in those outer isles. I don't buy mixes or any sort of packaged meals except mac and cheese. Eliminating high fructose corn syrup simplifies my choices.

4. We don't eat cereal very often, this keeps our milk consumption very low. Instead my kids eat oatmeal which fills them up and uses less milk.

5. I use vinegar as my main cleaning product, but I can't live without Softscrub. I've tried, but I neeeeeeed it.

6. I bake a lot.

7. We don't buy juice or soda. We drink water with our meals and occasionally tea. We do buy soda on special occasions.

8. Apparently, I am now Amish.

I will also be getting a phone call any minute now from my sister begging me to please write more about coupons and shopping at Aldi. Because next to homeschooling, being cheap is her favorite thing in the world.

Okay, let's review for those of you that forgot what the heck this post was about.

Should I buy coupons? Do you buy coupons? To spoink or not to spoink? That is the biggest question.

It's only $750

2009-01-23T16:20:00.003-06:00

This crazy cracker cooked in her crockpot everyday for a year!

This preternatural poster writes a a daily poverty post and it's all in third person!

Okay, now let's talk about me.

What would you say if I told you I spend $750 on groceries every month. But, you haven't heard it all yet, so don't be a clickin' on the comment button ready to spout your wisdom.

That seven fiddy....I like to say fiddy, just like my son says hunerd instead of one hundred. Anyway, that seven fiddy is for every ding dang thang in my house. The animal food, the cleaning stuff....EVERYTHING.

So.

Now, I need to know, is that impressive for a family of six humans with six cats, one dog and 8 chickens? Or not?

Do I still need to learn how to use coupons?

Could I get it down to $600? $500?

Remember, our family has done away with high fructose corn syrup with minor infractions here and there, forgive me I ate the most delicious Snickers bar yesterday and I just talked to Clay on the phone and asked if he was bringing me a surprise home, like Hot Tamales or Reisins?????? Because, I would be soooooo surprised if he brought those home and we could eat them on a plate for dinner.

Then he asked if I was just a wee bit hormonal. What gives?

Okay, so now start tah clickin' and give me the what for on the seven fiddy.

You'll find me in a mushy puddle by the computer.

2009-01-22T14:18:00.002-06:00

Look at these.

Help, I want one.

But, I don't want to carry it around for nine months, nurse it, get up in the middle of the night, or deal with one of those dang carseats.

Okay, never mind.

Looking forward to being a grandma.

Ramone is actually more famous than me.

2009-01-21T14:29:00.000-06:00

How is it possible that my little 88 year old neighbor who only goes to town two times a week is more famous than me....THE GREATEST CHICKEN DOCTOR OF ALL TIME?!

Because, that is my life. People become better, more famous and skinnier by association with me. It's true. I swear. It's no lie. There have been studies and documentaries on this fact. Also, I never exaggerate.Oh, long, luscious, wispy, straggly bangs, how I miss thee flying in my eyeballs.

I was watching our local PBS station the other day and this older, Spanish man was talking about the history of the railroad here in our town. I laughed and called out to my family, "Hey! That guy looks a lot like Ramone!" Then I turned back to watch and by golly there was RAMONE on the TV!!! The other guy was his brother. They were both being interviewed because their father, grandfather and uncle were all part of building the railroad that came through Kansas. Ramone and his family lived in the Sante Fe housing complex and when he was old enough he went to work for Sante Fe RR.

I only caught the very end of the show, but I was amazed that Ramone was sitting in front of a camera all spit shined and hatless.

I walked over to talk to Ramone while he was watering his cattle and told him I saw him on TV and could I please have an autograph? He laughed at me and asked if I saw the part where he was singing La Cucaracha. No, I didn't.

Dang it. I missed the best part.

So, there ya have it. Ramone is a television star and I am just a lowly chicken doctor.

ps. I promise I won't mention my Ugly Betty big bangs again. Unless you want me to tell you about the dream I had that involved clippers and a zig zag buzz strip through the top of my scalp.

Quit yer doin'!

2009-01-19T18:19:00.003-06:00

I've been working on a couple of posts, but I can't seem to finish them, which means I should just give up and write about whatever. And of course make a list.

1. Thank you all for the advice, tips and directions with coupons. I'm overwhelmed. So overwhelmed that I've decided my best way to save money is to stay home and not spend any money whatsoever. I do have some coupons from Target that I keep moving from one spot to another in my kitchen wondering if I'll use them. I don't like to go into Target, it's too tempting for me to look at other things.

2. I went to the Family Promise Network training on Saturday. The director of the program is an amazing young woman. I learned that most of the guests in the program have never been homeless, we should never, ever, ever use the word homeless when referring to the guests in the program and the BIG, BIG thing we were taught was to treat all the people in the program with dignity. I'm looking forward to helping when my church is host again, or maybe I won't have to help because there will be no need. Wouldn't that be wonderful?

3. I cleaned out my mudroom today. It's really just a closet, but it did have a lot of mud in it and cat pee and animal food and one broken dvd player.

4. I've decided I have that seasonal disorder thing. When it gets too cold and cloudy, I shut down, can't move, don't want to do anything, find everything boring and can't organize my life. I wonder if I could get one of those lights and strap it to my face? Or my butt?

5. I was washing dishes and talking to Clay yesterday and after multiple attempts to make me stop talking, Levi said, "Mom! Quit yer doin'!" I think I'll start saying that to people when I want them to stop. Quit yer doin'!

6. I spoke to the pig farmer yesterday and he has new baby pigs!! So, Coal Creek will have little piglets soon and very soon.

7. Remember when I used to do pottery? sniff sniff.....sigh. Someday, I'll get back to it.

8. Remember when I had a nanny, a cook, a housekeeper and a tutor for my children? Yeah, me neither.

9. What do you all do to get yourself motivated in the winter?

10. This post is exhausting, I need to go lie down and ignore myself.

A place to lay your head.

2009-01-15T10:42:00.005-06:00

We live in a town rich with culture and diversity. We have lots of art and tons of music and then there is the organic food and every sport imaginable, except hockey. We have a lake and a river. We have every food you ever wanted to eat and several markets that cater to the ethnic tastes.

The people are diverse too. We have millionaires, famous poets, famous basketball players, musicians, artists, professors, farmers, ranchers and of course there is me and the architect.

This town is like a little metropolitan fondue pot. Which means it has some of the metropolitan problems as well. Drugs, gangs, crime and the heartbreaking one...homelessness.

Some of the homeless are vagrants, some are panhandlers, some are drunks, some are mentally ill and some are families.

Our town does a good job of helping the homeless. We have a kitchen where they can sit down and eat a warm meal and there is a shelter they can go to get some sleep. But, there wasn't a place for families that had fallen on hard times to go with their children and feel safe.

That's why a group of good people got together and formed The Family Promise Network.

This week my church is the host for the guests in Family Promise. Which means our church has converted classrooms into bedrooms. The people arrive after 5pm and are picked up early in the morning to be taken to the center or school or jobs. One of the secretaries told me she hasn't noticed they are staying in the church at all.

Yesterday, I made muffins for the folks staying at the church. As I dropped the muffins off in the kitchen I looked around and saw that at the end of one of the tables was a highchair.

A baby is homeless.

I walked back into the hall and noticed a paper that had been taped over the regular classroom sign. The paper had the name of a woman and under her name were the names of her three children.

A single mom and her three children are homeless.

I didn't get to meet any of the people that are staying there this week, so I don't have a face in my head, just the thought of a baby and a single mom and her kids not having a home.

When I got home I had all kinds of questions. Questions that didn't have answers.

What do they do if the children get sick?
What do they do on the weekends?
What if one of the adults get sick?
Where do they store their belongings?
Do they have any belongings?
How do they get were they need to go?
Why is this happening?
How can I fix this?

I don't know the circumstances that brought these families to the point of being homeless. I can assume that it's a combination of many things that would make me angry and break my heart.

I'm relieved that they have a safe place to go at night. I'm thankful that people are willing to give of their time to serve these people and help them right their situation.

Saturday I am hoping that Clay and I will be able to attend a training session that will allow us to spend time with the families next time they stay at our church. I would much rather have a face and name in my head than that empty high chair.

Dinga Long Dave Ringa Long Ramsey

2009-01-13T21:20:00.005-06:00

Here's my envelope system, which I am still getting used to. My problem is if I run out of money in one category I borrow from another and that's a big NO NO. It also means we have to continue to tweak our budget. We've been working on a monthly budget for about ten months and it is constantly changing. I don't know if we will ever get it perfect.

How's the debt snowballing going for April? Uhhhhhhhhhh, it sucks the big donkey wads man.

Dave's wisdom is to first get current with any of your debtors, then start piling up cash in an emergency fund. He recommends for a family to set aside $1000 because that amount should cover just about any unexpected expense.

We've decided after having three car repairs and a furnace blow out in a span of two months that $1000 is not enough for our family. However, we were still able to get through all that muck before and during Christmas without using a credit card. DING!

As we recover from the loss of the emergency fund we are also dealing with this awful economy. Many of our hopes of getting things paid off quickly with funds that we had hoped would be coming in right now are being pushed back until......well, that's a good question.

I have to say as much as it sucks not to have any fun right now, I'm so very grateful that we got ourselves on this plan over ten months ago. Getting the news that bonuses wouldn't be what we thought and salary increases will be pushed back several months was not pleasant, but it also wasn't crushing.

Onward and upward we go, pushing through this economic turmoil. We're taking advantage of the lower interest rates and I'm hoping that someone will come hold my hand and teach me how to use coupons, I just don't get it for several reasons.

1. I'm not a name brand person, so collecting coupons for products I never use seems weird.
2. I don't subscribe to the paper, so buying a paper just to cut coupons seems wasteful.
3. I hate to print stuff out from my computer, it means docking it and pressing buttons and that's really hard. Did you say that in a high pitched whine?
4. I don't like to go to multiple stores to get all my stuff, which is why Wally World and I are still having our little weekly fling.
5. I don't get sales fliers, I just don't get them. I never have.

See? I would need some serious hand holding to make the coupon thing happen. Can I just stick to Aldi and Wally to get those beautiful low low prices?

or

I could get me a cow and then I would never have to go to the store again, because can't you make just about anything from milk?

No, you say? Oh ye of little cow faith.

Changing the subject because I used suck in my post. My daughter and her friends will not say the words crap or suck, because they are BAD words. I think it's very sweet. Instead they say cwap but they do not say swuck or wuck or whatever it is they would say, thank goodness.

When I'm having a conversation with Ellen I try to say suck and crap as often as possible just for shock value. The whole time she's yelling MOM! YOU MEAN CWAP, CWAP! Then I say something about how I think she is going to need some serious speech thawapy and how bad that is going to SUCK!

Brothers and Cousins

2009-01-13T10:49:00.000-06:00

Ellen is the lone girl in our family. She has three siblings and four cousins, all boys. She's also the oldest of the pack.

She has always been respected as The One Who All Must Follow. She is especially loved by Drew, the cousin clutching her knee to make certain she doesn't flee the scene without him and Calder, the cousin she's pummeling who calls her nearly everyday to get 'advice'.

When these two little blond headed boys were born, she decided having more brothers was okay, because she knew what boys were like and she fought with me over who the baby loved more, me or her.

Sometimes when they get hurt they cry for Ellen, instead of me.

Of course, they irritate her too and she doesn't get much alone time.

Because, whatever she does the boys want to do too.

Likewise, whatever the boys are doing, Ellen will be there giving instruction and orchestrating her boys in all manners of fun and chaos.

It's a bit like Snow White and the seven dwarfs, except at some point Snow White will probably be the smallest of them all.

Remember summer?

2009-01-12T14:17:00.006-06:00

The glorious sunsets and balmy evenings.

The kids playing outside.

Fellowshipping outside.

Kids playing outside.

Eating on the porch.

Raising the pigs.

The kids playing outside.

The flower pots I habitually forgot to water.

The kids playing outside.

Summer, come back. I'm ready for flip flops, open doors, shorts, trips to the creek, gardening, pigs, new chicks, the sound of the mower, fresh cut hay and HEAT.

Photos courtesy of Mrs. Mama.

North and South - Falling

2009-01-11T20:48:00.001-06:00

North and South beat a three column blog.

2009-01-11T20:37:00.002-06:00

I have exhausted my brain trying to convert this little blog to three columns. I was able to successfully convert a test blog and skipped over to change this one with absolutely no success whatsoever! But,I do know how to discombobulate the entire side bar so severely that no human would recognize this place as a blog.

That being said, I gave up and took Leila's advice to watch North and South with my daughter and the rest of my afternoon was spent in romantic turmoil and bliss.

I am now forever devoted to Mr. Thornton and I will spend the rest of my days helping him ensure the future of the cotton mill.

Don't feed it popcorn.

2009-01-10T12:35:00.004-06:00

Clay volunteered to record stats for the girls basketball team this year. The coach gave gave him a computer program that he uses during the game. According to Clay, the program is a bit cumbersome, like moving an Army tank through a corn maze.

This is where I come in the picture.

I sit by Clay and tell him which girls are checking in and out of the game so he can click on their names quickly and get back to recording the game. It's good for me to have something to do during the game because,

Me + Sports = Miserable.

So, there I am sitting by my husband on the front row next to the clock dude and the other stats person doing my little duty by leaning close to Clay and listing off the girls coming in and out of the game.

Ellen and Casey in, Becky and Kaley out.
Kirsten in for Tayler.

Hannah in for Brittany.

During half time Clay requested a soda and some popcorn because the man can't go more than a couple hours without something to eat. Unfortunately, he can't really eat or drink during the game because his hands are tied to the computer entering all the plays. But, I can eat and drink just as much as I please.

Do any of you have trouble after you eat popcorn? Just wondering.

I try to stay away from popcorn, far, far away. But, if it's next to me, I eat it. No, I inhale it. I think that's why I have a problem. I eat it so fast I don't allow any of the puffed air to escape until, um, er, uh, after I eat it.

When Clay passed his bag of popcorn to me I started cramming it in my mouth as fast as I could. After a few minutes I leaned over to Clay and said, "Wow, I can already feel this popcorn workin' on my stomach, gimme your soda".

Becky and Anna in, Ellen and Kirsten out.

Gulping soda, cramming popcorn.

Tayler in for Hannah.

More popcorn, more soda.

Ellen and Anna in for Becky and Kirsten.

then it happened....

I performed the loudest Barney Belch in the history of Barney Belches. It was amazing that the refs didn't mistake it for the buzzer.

In the future, for the sake of those around you, let's try to remember;

Please don't feed it popcorn.

One of those hangy down things.

2009-01-09T00:05:00.004-06:00

Life just keeps gettin' better for me.I've found a new love for hair spray. I haven't owned a bottle of hairspray for years. The last bottle I had dried up, seriously.

However, with the recent bang debacle I had to go buy some new hairspray and it took me forever to pick one out, because who knew there could be so many levels of holding power coming out of a can?

Of course I picked the cheapest and so now I'm Mrs. Stiff Bangs! But, DANG! That stuff is really amazing. Why did I ever stop using it? Please give me more. It's like, like, like, my new drug of choice. Hairrrrrrrrsrpaaaaaaaay, mmmmmmmmmm.

*****
I took the above photos before the BIG BETTY BANG DEBACLE, because I thought I would look so cute AFTER my haircut. hahahahahahahahahahar! GAH!!!!

Oh, and today my daughter got in the van and said, "Huh. You're starting to get one of those things."

What things?

"One of those hangy down things."

She was referring to my NECK SKIN!!!!!

Pardon me, while I go shrivel up in a corner. Oh wait! Never mind, seems I'm shriveling up just fine! GAH!

That's it from here. Now go line up everyone you know and give them a big hug and kiss from me!

Love,
Mrs. Turkey Neck Big Bangs Squeaky Bra

Cheap Cheap Bok Bok

2009-01-07T19:33:00.004-06:00

Is it time for another installment of how April and Clay are now the cheapest people in the world because they are bent on getting out of debt forever and ever amen? Why, yes!

Remember when I told you that I wasn't going to buy any new clothes for myself until April, which is the month, not me, I am April, but I'm talking about the month, which I was named after because that's when I was born. Confused? Run-on sentence much?

My mom gave me some money for Christmas to go buy some clothes. In particular she wanted me to go buy some new bras because the day I decided I wasn't going to buy any new clothes until my birthday one of my bras self destructed right off my body, it was strange, but I was determined not to buy anything no matter what. So I've been dealing with a dark brown bra that I can't wear under light colored clothing, a bra that squeaks every time I move my arms or flex my pectoral muscles and a weird tank top bra that stretches in all different directions making me pull and tug at myself the entire time I'm wearing it.

I was so excited I was going to get some new clothes! The day after Christmas I grabbed my very reluctant shopper of a daughter and hit the stores. I ended up spending most of the money on my daughter because the poor dear needed some new clothes too, and she can't bring herself to pick out clothes by herself, it's a very painful and unpleasant experience to shop with her. After I took care of her, I managed to buy a new pair of jeans and a couple of sweaters for myself. No bras. When my mom found out what I got she said, "Where are the bras?" and I said, "Mom, nobody sees my bras, but I do have one that people can hear."

I was so happy that I had two decent pairs of jeans to wear and do you know what happened the day after I bought my new jeans? DO YOU! I ripped a big hole in the knee of my older pair. So, really I didn't gain any new jeans I just replaced the pair that died.

So, I am the one pair of decent jeans- squeaky-bra-lady with the big bad bangs. I tell ya, this whole debt reduction thing is like eating a big honkin' slice of humble pie every ding dang day!

You really must take the time to hear and see these two things.

2009-01-07T11:08:00.004-06:00

Many, many, many years ago on a Christmas Eve morning Clay and I awoke to our radio alarm clock which was and is always set to the local NPR station. The voice that woke us up that particular morning was that of an older man. His voice was low and smooth with a slight country twang. Instead of rolling over and punching the snooze button for just ten more minutes of sleep, Clay and I were instantly mesmerized by the the man's story and we lay quietly on our sides smiling into each other's faces with the delight of being awake in the quiet morning and having the sweet moment of hearing this story. That was at least 12 years ago.

Now, every year around Christmas we search for John Henry Faulk's Christmas Story to play for our children. It's more delightful every year. I hope you can take the time to read it, or listen to it even though Christmas has passed. I will forever call candy canes, stripedy candy.

My next recommendation is that every person on the face of the planet must go right now and watch all four episodes of Wives and Daughters. If you've already had the privilege of partaking in this beautiful work, then go watch it again. During my recent barf fest I laid in bed and took in the wonderfulness of this period piece. It was so incredibly sweet and honorable and well, it was just perfect. Please put it on your must watch list today, this instant.

That's it for now, I really need to get my butt moving today and catch up on laundry and educate that very cute 1st grader of mine.

You smell a little like barf.

2009-01-06T14:44:00.007-06:00

I lovingly dedicate this post to my sister, Rechelle, who can't stand to talk about anything that involves excretions from the human body.

Did you know she had one of her 'episodes' at my house on Christmas day when her husband accidentally grabbed her arm hurting a cut she had on her wrist from dropping a glass bowl? I thought she was going to faint fifty different times, but instead she just did a lot of high pitched wailing and low pitched moaning and by no means would let any of us, including the doctor, look at her cut.

Oh, wait! I forgot, before I get into my bodily fluids post, I have to tell you how guilty I feel for NOT sending out Christmas cards this year. I thought putting up that little poll on my side bar would reassure me that there are TONS of people that don't send out cards, but NOOOOOOO you all had to tell me that YES you are sending out cards and now I feel like a big looo-hooo-hooo-zer!

Also,

Do you think it's sorta funny that I just assume you all know what a chicken tractor is? Here's the low down, it's a portable cage that you put on your lawn so the chickens can free range on the grass and bugs in a confined area. Here's a bunch of different designs, I like the A-framed shape the best.

Now, lets talk about barf.

Sunday night my belly started feeling a little icky. I said to Clay right before we shut off the lights, "Wow, we haven't had anybody puking all winter." Clay in his wise tone said, "Winter ain't over yet" and with his next breath he was snoring, leaving me to toss and turn.

Clay falls asleep incredibly fast and he's very hard to wake up, unless a child falls out of a bed, then he flies out of bed ready to rescue the hurt child. I don't know what it is about the thud of a little body on the floor that springs him out of bed, but calling his name from the bathroom between hurls of vomit....forgetaboutit. I know this, because I've experienced it MORE THAN ONCE during our marriage.

At some point in the middle of the night I felt the urgency to get my rear to the bathroom and Lord in Heaven there was a lot of 'stuff' coming out of both ends of me. After the fountains of puke and poop ceased to spring forth their uh, er, liquids, I felt right as rain. In fact, I bobbed downstairs and let the dog out, took a slug of milk (because I couldn't find any Tums to get the battery acid taste out of my mouth) and I went back to bed happy and relieved that whole business was done.

That's when Clay woke up and asked if I was okay. And I thought I was, so I answered, "Yes. I feel much better, so much better." And we both went back to sleep.

Then the second episode hit me. It must have been pretty close to Clay's alarm going off because this time he was awake. I will spare you the details. You're welcome. I just want you to know it's very nice to have someone put a cool towel on your head and clean up after your sick self and not say a word about how gross you are.

In sickness and in health, thanks sweetheart.

Anyway, I spent all day sprawled in my bed wondering when my stomach might like to right itself and my sweet Clay stayed home to watch our two littles. At one point Clay came into our room and said, "Hon, can I draw you a bath or would you like to take a shower? Cuz, uh, it smells a little like barf in here."

***
Wait, a minute. I take back that part about not saying how gross you are. Oh, and I forgot that after I was done puking he said something like, "Gah, you look terrible, your face is totally white!" I saw myself in the mirror and it was pretty scary, I even had raccoon eye from my mascara being smeared...but only on one eye which made me look like the evil raccoon eyed pale face lady. Lovely.
***

I didn't want to stink up the whole house so I went to the bathroom, took one look at the shower and went right back to bed because at that moment I didn't have enough energy to get my clothes off much less stand for more than a minute. Barf smell, shmarf smell is what I say.

Later in the evening I was feeling better and decided I needed to get myself washed. Clay came into the bathroom, I looked at him and sheepishly asked, "Gah, it stinks in here. Is it the bathroom...........or me?" You know you have a relationship built on trust and honesty when your spouse replies, "It's you. You smell a little like barf" and then he said, "That would be a great title for a blog post!"

Just what I was thinkin'.

Gosh, I love that man.

ps. #2 on my 2009 list. Done. Although after I start thinking food is not my enemy I will rectify that loss.

Inside and Outside the Farmhouse

2009-01-05T09:00:00.001-06:00

We've lived on Coal Creek Farm for fifteen months. Within the first week of moving in I started ripping off the wallpaper in the dining room. Clay begged me not to start a project, but I just couldn't stand that wallpaper, it was too dark and gloomy and it didn't match anything we owned, it had to go.

This is a photo I took during the open house. We put a contract on the house, the same day we saw it. My poor kids were in shock, they thought we had lost our minds. Then I reminded them that we had been looking for a house for over two years. I think they thought we'd spend the rest of their lives going to open houses.

I just showed these old photos to two of my children and they asked what they were. I said, "That's our dining room" and they said, "Oh. No it's not".

As I ripped off the paper there was one area over the pass through between the kitchen and dining room that started to crumble and then a whole bunch of termites started to fall out of the wall. It was so gross. You can read the whole dining room saga here. Also, I was trying very hard not to learn how to set the date on my camera, so for about a month or more all my pictures have the date 01/08/2005 on them even though it was 2008. Guess what? I learned how to set the date. Now if I could just learn how to program my cell phone.

We lived with that hole in the wall for quite a few months while we were trying to decide just how to patch the darn thing. Then one day we both decided we'd just get the job done.

I spent several days sanding, patching, sanding, patching, sanding... you get the idea. And then I painted that darn room three different colors before I finally got to one I liked.

While I procrastinated the work in the dining room I got a bug in my britches to paint the kitchen.
I painted right over the wallpaper since it wasn't peeling or ripped. It was so much easier and I got the whole thing done in one night.

You can see more photos of the kitchen here and here. I wonder when I'm going to be able to get rid of those weird X tiles? They used to drive me crazy, but I've been here long enough that their not bothering me as much. I have a feeling they're going to be there for a very, very long time.

Moving outside the farmhouse. This is a photo I took before we bought the house. This was the lean-to or shed that housed a bunch of lumber that the previous owners left. We had thought about making it into a chicken coop.

Here you can see the shed in the background and Levi trying out the swing we hung with one of the tires we found in the shed.

It's a good thing we didn't have anything precious stored in the shed because it was blown to bits during a storm. The entire windy story can been seen here.

Clay had to use his truck to drag the big pieces of the shed out of the field and then we started sorting through the mess.

We used some of the lumber to build our garden beds.

And build the pig pen.

My favorite use of the broken shed was when my son took it upon himself to build this masterpiece.

It's a fort that he can hide behind when playing air soft gun wars with his friends. Isn't it lovely?

We also used a bunch of the lumber to build a chicken coop and patch the roof of the barn. I know why farmers never throw anything away now, because you just never know when you might need a piece of lumber or scrap of metal to make a patch or build a pen.

I don't know about you, but going through all these photos and seeing the green grass and garden are sure making me ache for summer.

I'm starting to think a lot about a chicken tractor. I was reading about meat chickens. Do any of you chicken people have opinions on raising Cornish Cross meat birds? I have mixed feeling about those birds. I'd sure love to hear if any of you have raised some. Clay told me he doesn't think he can make a decent chicken tractor out of the remaining lumber from the shed, but I be he can squeeze out a few more raised beds.

Kids at Coal Creek

2009-01-04T11:35:00.001-06:00

One of my favorite parts of living on Coal Creek Farm is the amount of space we have for the kids to run free. Even though our house is small we can host a fair amount of bodies as long as those bodies stay outside.

Last May a couple of moms from Ellen's class and I planned an end of the school year party for the entire eighth grade class....all eight of them. Ellen is very blessed with her group of classmates. They all get along very well together and I really enjoy being around this group of kids.

Do I need to tell you I didn't take these photos? Is it that obvious? All of these photos were taken by the incredible All Astonishment's Mrs Mama. She's one of my people. You know, I have people. I have people to do the things that I find impossible, like taking good photos.

The Ninja boy on top is quite harmless, a bit strange, but harmless. The kids started the day off with a water balloon fight.

The little brothers got to play too.

After they were thoroughly soaked they started a game of soccer. Here's the thing, Ellen was one of two girls in her class. The other girl has some serious martial arts skill, but would rather poke her eye out than play a game of soccer, but Ellen LOVES soccer and even though she's very timid and quite shy until she's comfortable around people, if you put her out on a soccer field she's going to have fun and run as hard as she can and she's perfectly at ease.

Mrs. Mama came out a few days before the party and we planned a scavenger hunt. We hid about a dozen tiny toys all around the farm and then she took a photo of the toy. We divided the kids into two teams then handed them a page of the pictures they had to find. We tried to make them really hard, like we tied an action figure in a tree and put a little car by an old tire, but those darn kids figured it out too fast. And we were concerned it would be too hard. If we do this again we're not going to be as easy on them.

This is one of my favorite moments caught on film. Preacher gettin' a little love from one of the big boys.

The kids had to bring a surprise gift for one of their classmates, sort of like a white elephant, but we let them pick one of the gifts and then hand it to the person they thought deserved it. Chuck Norris was one of their big joke topics of the year. Some of the other gifts were a roll of toilette paper and a can of Lysol, a huge paper cube and a hideous fringed t-shirt. They were so funny and creative. The boy that got the fringed shirt wore it the remainder of the night.

In the evening we invited all the families and the incoming new students and their families to come out for a bbq. We finished the night off with a campfire. It was a very fun day and night. The kids left tired and ready for summer.

I've hosted more parties at Coal Creek Farm in one year than I ever thought possible. Here's a list of the ones I can remember.

*Volleyball girls and their families end of season chili night
*8th grade party
*4th of July with around 50 people
*Baseball Boys air soft gun war and bbq with their families
*Freshman girls party
*Dual birthday party for Ellen and a friend
*New Year's Day good luck meal

Oooookay, so that sounds like a lot, but really when the action is outside it's just a matter sitting back and watching the kids have fun and feeding them some hotdogs when they get hungry.

The 2009 List

2009-01-03T14:39:00.003-06:00

What's up with Blogger today? I can't get my photos to load, dang it.

I'm combing through the last years worth of photos from Coal Creek Farm. Goodness have we really only been here a year? It seems like a life time ago that we packed up and moved back to Kansas.

I have to say I've experienced a level of happiness I've never had being on this little farm. However, I wouldn't trade the time we had in Missouri for anything, because I know God used those nine years to shape my faith, teach me contentment, face my weaknesses and mature.

As I continue to look through the photos of what we've experienced since we've been back in Kansas I can honestly say I'm thankful, humbled, content, amazed and very happy.

Now, I need to write a list of things I hope to see and accomplish this year and then maybe Blogger will let me load the photos I am so eager to share with the Internet.

Okay, here goes.

In the blessed year of our Lord 2009 I would like to....

1. Paint my daughter's #*%! furniture! Har har ha ha heeeeee! Oh, I'm so funny, like I'm ever going to get this done.

2. Lose 5 pounds. I would say 10 or 15, but if I set the goal low then I might actually attain it.

3. Rip up the carpet in the upstairs hall, sand, refinish the wood floors.

4. Pay off two debts.

5. Increase the size of the garden.

6. Try to hatch some of our chicken's eggs.

7. Add two turkeys and a dozen or more chickens to our flock.

8. Raise 3-4 pigs and breed one of them. PORK FOR EVERYONE!

9. Rebuild the back stoop. During the Christmas break we've had two grown men fall flat on their cabooses while stepping off our porch. It's a death trap.

10. Pray more, read more, exercise more, love more, laugh more.

11. Get my broken tooth fixed. I think walking around with a broken molar for two years is long enough. Right?

12. Go get my eyes checked and for the love of sight....get some glasses! Bifocals are in my future.

Is twelve enough? I think so. Now, let's go see if I can get those photos loaded, m-kay?

I Done Did 2008

2009-01-01T09:00:00.001-06:00

This is the list I wrote last year in December 2007, let's see if I was successful.

1. Finished dining room walls. Cause I'm sorta over looking at the termite eaten wall.
*Yeah! I got this done!

2. A longing to exercise so severe that I run right out the door and don't stop until I'm completely de-muffin topped.
Next question. Please stop looking at my butt.

3. For a little boy named Caden to be healed from cancer.
*Still praying for this little guy, he had a few good months and is struggling right now. I know his family would appreciate any prayers on his behalf.

4. A garden lush with tomatoes.

*Yeah! I did well on the tomatoes, please don't ask me about the potatoes.

5. A cow to put in my freezer.

*Do two pigs count?

6. Chickens, a coop, fresh eggs.

*Check, done, over and out.

7. Turkeys to be named Harry and Martha.

How about if I got turkeys and named them Herb and Edna? Then maybe, I'd get this one done.

8. Fruit trees heavy laden. Therefore causing me to beg my mom and sister to come help make a gazillion jars of preserves.
*I definitely got the heavy laden part, but I didn't have to beg Mom or Rechelle to come help, which means I don't have to share as much. DING!

9. Oh, I'm afraid to write this....here goes, to refurbish my childhood furniture that looks like it was salvaged from the dump. I've been meaning to repaint it for um, well, uh, 14 years. What are the chances of me actually getting it done?

Dear God. This is where I should be begging for help. Will I ever get this done?

10. To read more.

*Erm, yeah, okay, I guess I read more this year.

11. Get back into pottery. My fingers ache to play with Clay....I mean clay. I really miss the wheel and the creative outlet.
*Yup, yup, had a nice 8 week class early last year and hoping I'll get the chance to get back in the studio again this year.

12. For my parents to get their house sold so they can move closer to me and start carting my children around to games and activities while I become the next greatest potter.

Silly economy. Silly small town with no people to buy big houses.

13. Aaaand now for the cheese whiz. I hope for my children to remain healthy and happy. I can only hope for my husband to stay just the way he is, purrrfect (Honeeee, are you reading this? I didn't mention the camera cord.....that you lost.) And I hope for many, many more happy days here in Kansas.
*Amen and I found the camera cord in a box in our basement that Clay stuffed a bunch of electronic equipment in when he was cleaning the office......I found the cord in July.

Happy New Year!

I sure do love all of you that have stopped by and left me comments. You make me laugh and feel very important, especially those of you that call me "The Country Doctor's Wife's Sister"(please go give this sweet girl a hard time for me), I feel so very proud and not at all like the gigantic-freaky-white-headed-dumb-little sister of Rechelle. No, no, no, I'm just kiddin' or am I?

A year in review at Coal Creek Farm comin' up. Stay tuned and go tell all your friends and neighbors to come read right here at The Country Doctor's Wife's Sister's Blog.

The Country Architect

2008-12-31T11:00:00.005-06:00

Clay is an architect. When he leaves for work he wears beautifully pressed dress slacks and a crisp pinpoint collar shirt with a snazzy silk tie positioned perfectly in a double Windsor knot. He looks like a million bucks.

But, when he comes home, he sheds all that fancy-schmancy stuff and puts on his Country Clay. Ever since we've been doing the Damn Ramsey thing, Clay has insisted that I cut his hair. Mind you, that this is the same man that used to pay $60 on a haircut in a fine salon.....much to my annoyance.

Now, that I'm living with a man that doesn't want to spend once red cent on ANYTHING, he thinks I am the best haircut in town. A few days ago the weather was beautiful and Clay was taking a vacation day, so we headed out to the porch for a haircut and Clay made the profound statement, "Now, this is country living. Getting a haircut on the porch with three cats rubbing against my leg and a rooster tucked under a chair."

I don't think any of Clay's clients or employees would believe he gets his haircut on a porch with a rooster and three cats.

Or that he wears jeans with holes in both knees and has a dog he named Preacher.

He's the Country Bumpkin Architect, just don't tell anyone, okay?

Isaac Haircut

2008-12-30T16:23:00.001-06:00

Haircuttin' the Country Way

2008-12-30T14:19:00.011-06:00

My mom went to beautician school way back in the 60's. She would cut my hair, put it up in a bouffaunt which I would prompty go brush out with my fingers and the worst was when she would wash it with vinegar while I screamed, "It smells like pickles!!!"

She wouldn't let me grow my hair long until I was in junior high. Mom always thought I looked best with a short pixie cut and for that reason most people thought I was a boy. I'm sure it had nothing to do with the fact that I wore Billy the Kid jeans and cowboy boots and my favorite toy was a shotgun accompanied by a holster with two six shooters. I wanted to be a cowboy, dang-it.

Mom also wouldn't let me do any sort of chemical process to my hair. So, while my sister was highlighting and perming her hair I had to sit back and watch with envy as she transform her hair into something new and trendy. Then the summer before my sophomore year in high school I made an appointment in the trendiest local beauty salon and asked for a perm. It didn't fry my hair or turn it green like Mom feared. But, it did make my hair even whiter and frizzy like a poodle. That's when boys started calling me April the Albino, it was that white. So, I stayed away from perms for a few years.

Mom had kept all her supplies, including one of those huge dryers you sit under, we always had rollers, clips, drapes, razors and scissors. It wasn't weird that I would cut my bangs and most of the time they looked okay. Then I started cutting other people's hair. There were several boys that were friends of mine that would come out, sit on a stool out in our sunroom and I would cut their hair in weird patterns. My friend, Brian, wanted a zigzag cut into the back of his hair, so I did a zigzag and then older folks kept asking him if he was the youngster that had been in the car accident earlier in the year and had to have brain surgery. I never said I was good at cutting hair, it was just something I did, and for some reason a few people trusted me enough to work on their heads and then walk around in public.

Now, I have my own hair salon. It's in a nice breezy place. I don't have many customers and the few I do have, never leave with a smile on their face.

They come in my swanky salon, sit in my chair and give me cautious looks.

Sometimes they comment that at least the view is good. I never know if that's a compliment or not. Then I throw a torn plastic drape over them.

They bolster their courage and put on a brave display.
I like to help them relax by asking a lot of questions.

How was your Christmas?

Did you get some fun new toys?

Did you get any candy in your stocking?

How's your folks?

I heard your mom is a really nice lady. Tell her I said, "Hi" and come back again real soon.

Merry Christmas 2008

2008-12-24T23:55:00.005-06:00

We have warmth! After I finished posting my complaint about the heater-fixer guys not showing up the phone rang and they were on their way. Obviously, they read my blog. Because, yes, I am the world's most famous blogger and HVAC people especially love me. Also, they left me a present in the basement. It's a pile of fuel soaked rags. Merry Christmas to ME! I'm scared to touch them.

Our main source of heat comes from fuel oil, which is very rare in this part of the country. It seems our fuel tank froze and so their won't be any fuel coming through the line until it thaws. Good thing we have a heat pump for back up, so the guys rewired our heat pump and it's heating the house just fine. Hooray!

Yesterday, I spent the morning yelling at my children to help me clean up the house. I swear they think I'm speaking a foreign language. Here's a perfect example...

Me- Seth, I want you to go down and put the clothes that are in the washer into the dryer.

Seth- Where?

My daughter is so preoccupied by her social agenda that it's hard to get her to focus on anything inside our home for more that a few seconds. And of course the two little boys are so excited for Christmas that they can't think straight.

By the time Clay came home in the afternoon I was ready to bash some skulls. Thankfully, we had plans to get out of the house and have some fun as a family. Although, I did have a moment where I stood in my room having a mommy melt down and wanted Clay to take all the kids so I could have the opportunity to carry on a perfectly coherent conversation with myself. I mean, if I told myself to wash the dishes that were in the sink by hand, I think I would understand that that DOES NOT mean shove them all on top of each other in the dishwasher. Wouldn't I? Yes, I would because I tested it today. You know what? Those dished got washed .....with MY HANDS! I understood every word I said. I'm a very good listener and I think I explain things quite well and I'm very easy to get along with as long as PEOPLE DO EXACTLY AS I SAY!! I got along with myself splendidly today. I am my new best friend.

Anywaaaaaay.

Our biggest gift to the kids this year was a trip to Crown Center in Kansas City to go ice skating. We also took them to Kaleidescope and then to The Cheese Cake Factory for some yummy dessert. It was a very fun day. Oh, and Levi had so much fun he peed his pants. So, I ran into the Gap and bought him a new pair on sale for $16, not bad. I might pee my pants next time so I can get some new clothes. That kid's no dummy.

The kids want to make the ice skating/Cheese Factory an annual tradition and I hope we can. The lights were beautiful and the weather was grand. We didn't tell them we were doing anything until the day before, so they were surprised.

We bought all the kids three small gifts each and some stocking stuffers. I think it's just the right amount.

This year I've tried to make gifts that people can use or will appreciate. I've enjoyed not rushing from store to store to find the right 'thing' for everyone. Next year I need to get an earlier start because these last couple weeks have been nutty and that's the reason my house was such a disaster.....and it's not easy getting people to help me when I don't speak their language. Yes, I will now be calling my children, the four foreigners in my house.

From Coal Creek Farm, I wish you a very Merry Christmas. The Four Foreigners are waving their hands and making a lot of noise, whatever that means...... dumb foreigners.

Still no heat

2008-12-22T16:05:00.002-06:00

Okay, heater guy, what's up? Where the heck are you? It's almost 5pm and so far he's a no show. Looks like we'll be going another night without heat. Fun, good times.

It's 49 degrees in our house, but we're staying warm. My two youngest children are far more durable than my older two. I have the double ovens turned on with the doors open to keep the kitchen warm and several times I've found Ellen draped INSIDE the oven. I'm serious. Seth, my oldest son, was walking around with a t-shirt, sweat pants and BARE FOOTED! Then he would come in the kitchen whining and shivering. I really wanted to smack him upside the head forty-nine times and then pinch him. My two oldest children have no brains what-so-ever!!!

Right now, I'm hiding in my two little boys' room. I brought the space heater with me, set my coffee down and within two minutes my coffee was cold and my fingers were numb, so I moved the space heater right next to me and the warm air is blowing over my hands making typing on the computer much easier. Hey! A woman needs to blog!

Today we made some ornaments out of clay....uh no not my Clay, the wet earthy stuff and we also tye died several things. Maybe, I'll show you pictures but it's not likely because I'm lazy, sluggish, slothish and just down right not wanting to put much effort into anything right now.

Also, I have to finish sewing a few things before Christmas and that means sitting at the dining room table with my sewing machine and it's just too cold in there right now. I have to say I would not make a very good pioneer. No, I wouldn't.

A couple funny things.

I got a card from one of Clay's aunts and it read, "Please send me pictures of the children. I did not much care for the silly pictures you sent with your card last year." Do you know this makes me want to send her an entire photo album full of bad photos? But I won't.

Do any of you cry when you hear this song? I remember the first time I heard it a couple years ago, I bawled like a baby. It came on the radio a couple days ago while I was driving home alone and I was thinking how stupid and cheesy I was to have cried over that silly song. You know what? By the last chorus, I was blubbering so hard I could barely see through my sea of tears. Dang it. I can't help it, I am a cheese ball and a real sucker for sappy songs.

Okay, now I really have to go muster up the courage to duck down in my frigid basement to change a load of laundry. When I say duck, I'm not kidding. I hit my head on the duct work down there last week so hard I thought I'd broke my neck. How many more times is it going to take for me to learn how shallow the basement is? I'm thinking a few more.

Baby, it's cold....inside.

2008-12-21T21:58:00.004-06:00

Today when we were driving home from church the temperature on the bank sign read 5 degrees.
I remarked how icky cold it was and we drove on home in our toasty warm van.

And then.....

When we got home I gracefully skidded, shimmied, slid, skated, tip toed and arabesques across our icy concrete patio toward our back door and I could hear the high screech of the fire alarms.

Holy ear drum ripping Batman! What's going on in the farmhouse?!

No, the house wasn't on fire.

I don't know what the heckle happened, but the fire alarms were blaring and the house was cold because our furnace wasn't running or hopping or skipping or dancing. It also appears that our electricity had gone off at some point.

So, Clay tried to fix the furnace blah, blah, blah, cold house, blah, blah blah, had to call the heating fixer guy, blah, blah, blah, can't fix it.

What? Can't fix it?!

April does not like to be cold. April is already in hibernating mode, being cold is only going to cause her to dig deeper into the pile of covers on her bed and not reappear until... April. April has all of the sudden started writing this post in third person. April is a big goon.

Okay, moving on with this chilling story.

Thank God and Jesus oh, why not, let's thank Mary and Holy St. Joseph while were at it that we do have electricity. I propped open our ovens and cranked up the heat and stood in front of the open oven doors. Then I made coffee and went up to my room where I turned on the portable heater and snuggled under my blankets with my four year old, who by the way, is the toastiest little marshmallow ever.

Then the phone rang.

It was Virginia, my octogenarian neighbor, calling to see if we were doing okay. Yes, I assured her we were fine and I told her our heat was out, but we had a space heater and were staying warm enough.

Shouldn't I have been calling to check on her? Isn't that what the news people always say to do when it's too cold or too hot? Call and check on your elderly neighbors. Those news people don't know Virginia. Virginia would make those news people look like nimrods. Virginia makes me look like a nimrod. I am a nimrod.

Virginia told me they had their wood furnace cranked up and had been using a little space heater in their bathroom, but when she got the electric bill it was seventy whole dollars and she decided she shouldn't use the space heater as much.

Seventy whole dollars!

Just when I think I'm being frugal and so very careful with our resources, ,my elderly neighbor proves to me otherwise. Did I tell you that Virginia was hanging out her laundry the other day when is was freezing cold? FREEZING COLD! She told me she was freeze drying. FREEZE DRYING!! That woman makes me feel like a slug.

And that's my story for today. I sure wish we had one of them there corn stoves or better yet Clay did mention the stove that you can shove an entire elephant into and heat your house for a whole year.

A WHOLE YEAR!!

Jesus, Mary, Joseph and a dozen eggs.

2008-12-18T10:52:00.007-06:00

Wanna make a nativity scene that your four year old can play with and you won't care if he breaks Joseph's head or rips the angel's wings or loses Baby Jesus?

I got just the thing. And you might have all the supplies, depending on if you're a crafty person and you eat a lot of eggs. Because you're gonna need lots of protein to get this craft done. Just kiddin'.

The Nativity. Beautiful. We made it in the span of an hour. Best thing? I don't care if it gets destroyed and my two little boys helped make it.

I used one section from the bottom of an egg carton for the body and hot glued a wooden bead for the head. Hot glue is my best friend, we've been together for a long time, she never fails me.

Then we got out scraps of fabric that one of my girlfriends begged me to throw away, but I knew I would need them for something.

Uh, hey Melanie Carter....look I'm using that little bag of fabric you told me to get rid of FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT'S HOLY! Nah-nah-nah to YOU and your throwing away perfectly useful bits of fabric!! And also, I messed up the whole bin of fabric that you organized for me. But, I lovingly thought of you the whole time I was dumping that fabric all over my living room floor and I miss you.

This is what inspired me to do the entire nativity. I teach first grade children's church once a month. We were telling the story of the angel Gabriel visiting Mary and I thought the kids would enjoy a craft. So, I looked around my house and found bits of trash and made an angel.

Wings made from a heart of paper. Sometimes I think I have a heart of paper.

Shepherd with a toothpick staff. Good for poking a sheep and picking hunks of meat from his teeth.....if he had teeth.....or a mouth.

Jesus, Mary and Joseph! Have you all read Angela's Ashes? Something about that book has stuck in my head for years and years. Every time I see the Nativity I want to blurt in a Irish accent Jeeezuz Murray and Joseph! But, I don't. At least not in public.

The manger needed some stabilizing. Har har, get it? Stabel-izing? Oh, you people! Remember when you thought I was funny? Anyway, I used this old dirty button to ensure Baby Jesus wouldn't roll out of his manger.

So, you wanna be a wise guy, huh? Did you know that the Wise Men brought the Christ child sparkly orbs? Yes, they did. Did you know the Wise Men had no eyes? No, they didn't. Did you know you could hide an egg under the Wise Men? Yes, you can.

Ta-dah! All done.

And now the crew is safely crammed in the stable.

I like Ike

2008-12-15T21:17:00.010-06:00

I like this little guy.
Most people find it hard not to like him.
I like Ike.
He's almost seven years old.
I sure wish he'd stay little forever.

Me-Hey, Ike what do you wanna be when you grow up?
Ike-An archikect
Me- Like Daddy?
Ike- Yeah. I wanna go to work with Dad. And then I'll be a scientist and a Vet.
Me- You mean a veterinarian.
Ike-Yeah. Can I be a farmer too?
Me- I think so. Are you going to get married?
Ike-Yeah.
Me- Who are you going to marry?
Ike- Moooooooom.
Me- What? Is that embarrassing?
Ike- Moooooooooom.
Me- How many kids do you want to have?
Ike- Ummmm, four. Two boys and two girlsus.
Me- What are you going to name them.
Ike- Um. I dunno. I'm not a very good namer.
Me- You could name one of the girls after me.
Ike- Name her Mom?

So, my granddaughter's name will be Mom, because that's my name. Why does he have to grow up so fast?

Renovation Therapy

2008-12-14T14:01:00.002-06:00

Do you all know Martha Jean? Wait. I always want to call her that because my mom's name is Martha Jo. What I meant to say is, do you all know Jean Martha? She's the whimsy gal over at Renovation Therapy. Jean shops more than any human I've ever known. She's constantly buying things on Craigslist, tag sales, The Salvation Army and outlet stores and then turning those things into something wonderful to put in her upstate New York home. In fact I am the proud owner of a Grey Gardens t-shirt and keyring that were products of one of Jean's shopping sprees.

I love that Jean Martha.

Go enter her contest she's giving away a tote bag and a paper marbling kit.

Ugly Betty Big Bangs' Chocolate Dipped Pretzels

2008-12-12T10:45:00.006-06:00

I've invited Ugly Betty Bangs to host this post for you. Betty gets her hair cut about twice a year and since she's broke she goes to a school that teaches young people how to cut hair.

This last time she had a very cute 18 year old cut her hair. Only the 18 year old was pretty new to cutting hair. Betty must not have communicated that she didn't want very many bangs because the young hair cutter used all the hair on top of Betty's head as bangs and before Betty knew it she had a huge mass of bangs and didn't quite know what to do except ask the 18 year old for a brow wax.

Betty had never had a brow wax before. Betty doesn't know why she thought this would be a good time to get a brow wax other than it might make her bangs look better. Betty has sensitive skin. The brow wax made Betty look like she was wearing neon pink eyeshadow for an entire day. Betty had to run a bunch of errands after she got her Bad Betty Bangs and Permanent Neon Pink Eyeshadow. Lots of people saw Betty with her glowing pink eyeshadow and Betty's young sons said they didn't like that pink stuff on Betty's eyes. Betty won't be getting her hair cut for a long, long, long time. Betty will be buying some barrettes.

Betty wants you to know her haircut cost $10 and the brow wax was$5 and she tipped the cute 18yo $10. Betty thinks that was a bargain for the amount of humbleness and humility she will be sporting for the next several months. Also, Betty has a Spanish accent.

Tanks so much fer dees Abril. Jou know I don got much to be tankful fer right now, specially dees hair, oh me. Let's make us some preeezels.

Okay, so first Betty bought a big tub of pretzel rods at the Aldi store. Broke Betty Big Bangs loves the Aldi store. One bad thing about these, they have high fructose corn syrup in them and remember when Big Broke Betty Bouncy Bangs said no more HFCS?

Ay, somtimes.....how jou say....jou gotta do what jou gotta do, jou know?

Using a double boiler Betty put water in the bottom pan. In the top pan she dumped half a bag of milk chocolate chips and half a bag of dark chocolate chips. After the chips melted she took them off the heat.

Betty's husband was the one that suggested they use the pastry brush to paint on the chocolate because spooning it on made it too thick and runny. Note the can of comet in the background used the scrub the cat pee off the stove. Yummy.

This is Big Butt Betty Bouncy Bang's husband . And that is a 12 googly eyed angel guarding their kitchen. Betty always feels like someone is watching her. Kinda creepy those 12 eyed angels. They have nothing to do with chocolate covered pretzels or the state of Betty's bangs.

Poor Ugly Betty Big Bangs. She's not having a very good week. Did you know she's wearing her husband's jeans? She is a complete fashion and hair disaster. At least she's not wearing that gray sweater again and again and yes, again!

Betty's family wanted to do some white chocolate too. They learned that the white chocolate cools much quicker and should stay on very low heat to keep it liquid enough to paint on the pretzels. The white chocolate dries much faster.

Broke Betty Big Bangs used up all her cookie decorating supplies. She also bought some candy canes and pulverized them in the food processor to use on the pretzels.

After the kids painted a pretzel they took them over to the counter to be decorated with sprinkles and glitters and doohickeys.

Then they laid them on some plastic to dry. Broke Betty didn't have any waxed paper, but this worked just fine.Betty's kids were very creative and very chocolaty. Betty let her 4yo lick the spoon. Betty has a bad habit of laying all her wooden spoons on the burners when the burners are burning hot. Betty's not too bright.

Betty used the last bits of chocolate to coat a few candy cane sticks, just because.

If Betty can do this, believe me you can too. Betty is going to be giving these as little gifts. Once they were dry she stored them in a pan. Betty will wrap each pretzel in some cellophane and tie with a ribbon. Because Betty may not have nice hair of fashionable clothes but she does have some creative powers that are beyond the normal human. Meaning she can wrap a pretzel in cellophane and tie a ribbon around it and make it look like A MEEEEELION DOLLARS!

Thanks Betty. Now let's go find a baseball cap, m-kay?

Oh no probleem, jou know, how jou say, Meddy Cheeestmas! An tanks so much!

Urine dipped April

2008-12-11T11:00:00.004-06:00

We did a little fancy-schmancy-froo-froo-dilly-wap of a hoop-dee-do project last night. I'll try to show you the whole process later gater.

Today's question is; April, why are there two burners missing from your cooktop?

Answer: Because my cat peed on them.

I swear I am drenched in urine everyday. Every single DAY!

I turned on the burner to heat up some water to boil and was accosted by that awful ammonia smell that is known solely as CAT URINE! After the flesh on my face had melted and my nostrils sucked themselves down into my gut to hide I quickly dismantled the stove and washed everything in sight.

You see, I have a cat. Her name is Dixie. She has urinary tract problems if she eats the wrong foods. She's been eating the dog's food for about a week because I kept forgetting to get her 'special' food for her.

Dixie doesn't like to be ignored.

Dixie is no dummy.

She peed on the stove.

SHE PEED ON THE STOVE!!!

So, how does that make you feel? Better about yourself?

This is my job people, I aim to make you look better. Just wait until I tell you about my Ugly Betty hair do and my first ever brow wax from hell. You will look in the mirror with a heart of thankfulness and everyone around you will look so lovely.... unless I'm in the room with my Ugly Betty do and freaky eyebrows.

Okay, now if you'll excuse me I need to go sit in some urine and then maybe I'll get to writing that post about pretzels dipped in urine.... oh no.... that's not right. I mean pretzels dipped in chocolate urine.

Just kiddin', come on.

Christmas Ideas

2008-12-10T13:45:00.007-06:00

Time to get started on some of those gifts for all the 'extra' people in your life. I'm talking about the people that make your life easier. Like teachers.

Do you know what happens when your kids go from grade school to middle school? I mean besides oozing hormonal juices all over your nerves. Well, something about the oozing hormones means they need a billion more teachers to help teach them learn how to keep the oozing in their heads.

So what are we going to do for the billions of teacher this year?

Jars.

Yes, I said jars.

Jars of food to be more specific.

I'm certain most of you have seen the cookie mix in a jar. Right? Let's do some of those and then a few others. Okay?

Hey! There's my letter D key! Oh, D, I miss you under my finger. How's life on the window sill?

Back to jar food.

The two jars up there are filled with Andes Creme de Menthe Chunk Cookie mix. Goodness they are sooooo good, I made them last year and my family couldn't stop eating them. I use the recipe on the back of the package. These jars are waiting to be adorned.

Here's what you do. Take the flour, baking powder and baking soda, mix together and pour on a piece of paper. Fold the paper in half and use it to funnel the mixture in the jar. Next is the brown sugar, then the sugar. Top it off with the chips. Using a spoon smoosh down the sides of the chips allowing room to pour in more chips.

Ta-dah!! That's it.

Okay, not really.

Now you need to write out the recipe with the remaining ingredients which in most mixes will be vanilla, eggs and butter. Follow the baking instruction on the back of the bag. Put it on a little tag, tie with a ribbon or stick some cute fabric on the top and then you are done.
Or.....

You can bake a batch of the cookies and give the jar with a few cookies on top and wrap with a bow.

One thing you should know.......never put the brown sugar on the bottom because it's too hard to get out of the jar.

There are a ton of jar ideas on the Internet. TONS! I know, because I'm a food jar expert and also I've been googling jar recipes, jar gifts, cookie mix in a jar and jar jar can you do the jar jar.

If I had the extra moolah I would collect the antique blue mason jars throughout the year and put the cookie mix in those because I WOULD LOVE TO GET ONE OF THOSE!!!! Just sayin'.

Here's a couple more mixes I'll be using this year.

Ginger Spice Muffin Mix
1 3/4 cups all purpose flour
2 tablespoons sugar
2 tablespoons brown sugar
3 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg
1/4 teaspoon ground ginger
1/4 teaspoon ground cloves

Combine all the ingredients in a medium bowl. Pour out mixture onto wax paper, use to funnel into a pint size jar.

Include this recipe with the mix;
1 package Ginger Spice Muffin Mix
1/4 cup butter melted
1 egg
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 Cup milk

Preheat over to 400 degrees. Grease 12 muffin tins. In a large bowl combine all ingredients in order given. Stir until blended, do not over mix. The batter will be lumpy. Fill muffin tins. Bake for 15 minutes.

How about a drink with those muffins?

Cappuccino Mix
1 Cup powdered instant nondairy creamer
1 Cup chocolate drink mix
3/4 Cup instant coffee
1/2 Cup sugar
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg

Combine all ingredients in a bowl and package in a canister or jar. Include these instructions;

Use 2 tablespoons of cappuccino mix with 6 ounces of boiling water.

I'm also hoping to make a huge batch of my chicken and rice soup to put in the jars and include a loaf of homemade bread with it. I think some of the teachers would love to have a dinner to take home after a long day of teaching.

That's it for now. Remember, be creative. Surf that wonderful web and look at some of the mix ideas. Most of the people I know love getting food gifts. Some of you probably have better ideas than these, so please share them in the comments. I would love to hear what you give your teachers without spending a ton of money.

Winner Winner Salad Spinner!

2008-12-10T13:33:00.004-06:00

And the winner of the Financial Peace Deluxe Envelope System is......

MamaDB!!!

Happy Birthday!! I let my two little boys draw a number between 1 and 92 and they picked YOU! And it's your birthday!

Please contact me at adshowers@gmail.com with your mailing address.

And for the rest of you I really do wish I had 91 more to give away. If you have $10 they are on sale here.

Stick around this won't be the last time I give away this little darling of an envelope system.

Dave Ramsey Envelope System Giveaway!!!

2008-12-08T14:02:00.007-06:00

***Times UP Kiddos***
I'll announce the winner sometime tomorrow.

Last night was our last Damn Ramsey class. Every Sunday night for the last 13 weeks we've gone to a class where we watched a DVD of Dave Ramsey talking on a stage in front of an audience. He's very entertaining and I have to say, he's also a very large corn ball. Clay and I made fun of him quite a bit, but he's got a very good way of getting a point across and he's entertaining in a corn ball sort of way.

I would highly recommend taking the class, but if you don't have $100 to spend on a class then go check out his books at the library and get started on you're debt corn ball...oh, wait, that's supposed to be debt snowball.

"But April, it's Christmas! I can't start paying off my debt right now!"

Why?

"Because I neeeeeeeed to use my credit card to pay for all those gifts!"

Says who? Jesus?

This is the best time to start. Right now. Stop spending money that you don't have. Be creative with your giving this year. Be honest with those that you love and tell them you are broke and you don't want to be broke anymore. Just say Merry Christmas, I love you, here's some cookies. It's really not that painful. Okay, I know pride is painful. Poke that pride in the pooper!

To help you get started I'm going to give away one of the Financial Peace Deluxe Envelope Systems.

Look, it has slots for DEBIT cards not CREDIT cards.
And here's those lucious, creamy colored envelopes. I know you want them.
Ooooooh, I wish I had this. I love the pen and notepad. I'm forever making lists on scraps of napkins or the back of my hand. How nice would it be to have a little pad built right into my envelope holder? Very nice, very very nice.
Yummy brown leather-ish will carry around all your cash. You know, cash, that paper stuff we used to use before plastic money was created?

"Oh, April! I neeeeeeed it! I want it! I will start using it the second I get it! How do I enter your give away?"

Glad you asked oh desperate one.

Here's what to do:

1. Leave a comment.

That's it. Now let's go over the rules:

1. One entry per household.
2. Giveaway ends December 9th at midnight CST.

and

If you win this little thing and you become debt free using this, I want you to buy another one and give it to somebody who could use some financial guidance. M-kay?

Then they run to the bathroom!

2008-12-06T21:07:00.001-06:00

And pee all over the seat!

dance lessons

2008-12-06T21:00:00.001-06:00